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Saturday, August 20, 2011

"We're real"




It's a sad day when a child, your child decides he's not interested in having a family. What's really unfortunate being young, the decisions are very harmful for their future. As an adoptive Mother with many children with attachment disorders, different special needs and basically children easily lead down unknown rocky paths can be disheartening. After all, when my husband and I started adopting, it was not only to grow as a family but to hopefully change a child's life. To give them permanency. To make a difference. This path we've chosen to adopt isn't for the faint at heart. Sometimes when I write, I often wonder if I should share certain experiences but then I would be cheating my readers if they weren't enlightened about the adoption negatives. Adoption is exciting. It's especially exciting for adopters that have no children. Adoption isn't perfect. The system isn't perfect. In fact, nothing is perfect in life. If it was, many individuals wouldn't have a career. Children we adopt aren't perfect. I'm definitely not a perfect Mother but I dedicate my days for our children. So when I know a child is making the biggest mistake of their life, what do I do? I try to convince otherwise. Now this is where my post twists. Absolutely nothing we do or say works.............in fact children coming from care seem to know how to outsmart, outlast and outplay not only their parents, the system to hopefully, eventually seek out what they're entitled too. I'm not exactly sure what that is, usually it's financial support to independently live on their own. When I was seventeen on my own, I didn't venture to the Ministry office but I also wasn't programmed to do so either. This is where before adopting, understanding entitlement and attachment issues I believe is a must. Education is important because even with disappointment, the heartbreak, even the anger from feeling abused as an adopter, there is understanding. Now don't get me wrong, I don't understand and accept everything.....I'm human and I'm not perfect. I'm also entitled to feel. For me, even adopting an older child, waiting for months up to over a year for a placement is like having a baby. In my heart I feel like I birthed my next adopted child. I might of not seen the first step but I wanted that child like I wanted my newborn baby. I accepted all imperfections within the process. Although I did, the older child did not. This is the chance we take as adoptive parents. I always write about acceptance, acceptance from me......but when the day comes when we're not accepted, then what? It might not even stem from attachment issues, it could be from outside influences.........birth family and friends that think they know how or what adoption should look like. Even different professionals that have no idea and are detrimental to the child. It's amazing on how many individuals can step in, influence and potentially help make harmful life changing decisions with someone elses child. It's in fact mind boggling. It makes me wonder about the future........who in fact will be there? The influencers or the actual family because we don't live out of a book or out of our imaginations. We're real.

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