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Saturday, April 23, 2016

Good Bye

I've been thinking a lot lately. Have you ever felt bitter sweet about your decisions? Neither decision is right or wrong? But somehow you knew you were making the right choice even though it put a knot in your throat? Yeah, that's me. Life is meant to challenge us, life also isn't meant to do the same thing over and over again. We need to evolve. Our path lead is just one branch on the tree. I've been struggling with this decision for awhile and while still not 100% decided, I am writing to say, "Good bye" to blogging. We have had a rough year. I wanted to keep writing and focus on recipes but I can't. I am always trying to keep positive. I'm always advocating for others and for everything that my heart and soul believes in. Family. Experiencing. Unconditional love and acceptance for differences. I'm very much that same person. However our life has changed. We take one day at a time, every day is different and unfortunately difficult. I'm emotionally walking on a tight rope and my mind has many mixed feelings. I've always believed in writing from my heart. The truth. I always have written what's on my mind and it's not posting my blog with recipes. I love cooking, I love sharing but if I can't sit down with a clear mind and write like how I used too, I can't continue. My readers that have been following and know me personally know that I'm as real as one can get. Some of you might be thinking not writing on my blog isn't a big deal however it's been years of my life and time. A journey that I loved to just sit down with you and share. So for me, for this decision, it is a big deal for me and I'm sorry. 

To conclude this branch, I'm finding it really hard having a sick husband. I'm always on guard for what tomorrow might bring. Now adding a few other health challenges to our family I feel numb most of the time. That's truth. So it's time to eliminate a few tasks that I keep, and one is my blog. I will write that this doesn't end my writing path because I have plans for a future book and I won't delete my blog but keep it open. You never know when my mind might wander back. 

All I can say (write) is be real. Whatever branch you're on right now, live, love, and experience it because you will never know when it might break, or when you will have to make decisions to climb onto another one. Nothing is a guarantee that's for sure. So as much as I would love to keep writing, I wish all of you health, then happiness. AND I can't express enough to make miles in your life! If you have a dollar to spare, give it away. Make a difference. It starts at home.....and it's amazing on how one dandelion can spread to make a field of brighter colours - me.

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Tuesday, April 12, 2016

We just exist

Our weekend was good. It's nice that we can talk without hiding in the closet or stating we will talk later however later never happens because by then we forget. It was nice to just exist without cleaning up after somebody. We were able to get tickets to the ZZ Top concert. A couple couldn't go due to their child's illness which opened up an opportunity for us. Believe it or not, we have never attended a concert together. ZZ Top sounded exactly the same. Very talented musicians. We went out for dinner (as seen above) and just simply existed.  It's interesting looking back at a picture. We look happy and healthy. never ever judge a book by its cover. ZZ Top was great to see however Gerald was struggling sitting, struggling standing and not only was he struggling physically, whatever is going on in his brain, he is on and off dizzy. Every day can be different. So while I (maybe we) were looking forward to getting away, that's all it was....just existing. His chronic pain is 24/7. The spinal damage he has affects all four of his limbs, and whatever is going on Neurologically, it's not only frustrating and exhausting for him, it is for me. So it's difficult. It's aged him probably forty years. Then there's me. 2015 was traumatizing. I knew my husband's recovery was going to be very long and difficult. I just never thought that it would change our lives like it has. I feel so sorry for him. He wonders sometimes on why I'm staring at him and I can't tell him that I'm deeply sorry for his pain and suffering because he also doesn't want to be seen this way. I waited and waited almost selfishly for this weekend to come. I wasn't sure what I was thinking......because his condition has changed our lives. A weekend away isn't no miracle cure. His life is a continual struggle not witnessed in any picture. No time away is going to change what is. Our stress. The tension on what's next. Our future. That question, "What does tomorrow look like?" We just remain hopeful and take one day at a time. Trying to remain positive. I hear many saying, "Keep positive, we made it this far" You're right, we made it this far but with a cost. So for now, we just exist......doing what we can do as each day comes with two thumbs up. 

Now lets get back to food! We had to cancel some outdoor field trips with our home schooling group due to weather. Seen below some of our kiddos made their own recipes using the dough I make. The dough is really easy to prepare. Then from there, you can literally make anything including bread, pizza, any food pocket you want, buns, cinnamon buns.....the sky is the limit with this yummy bread dough!

The dough is three cups of warm water. Two table spoons of margarine. Two table spoons of sugar. One table spoon of salt. Two table spoons of quick rising yeast. Two eggs. Seven to eight cups of flour. Mix and knead all together until smooth and snapping. Only add the eighth cup of flour if the dough is still too sticky. Let stand to rise for one hour. 

Our kiddos had a blast!

Koltyr and Zachary's Bun Shop!
 Emily's Buns!
 Byhonis Pie Crusts!
 Jenna's Zebra's Buns!
 Teesha's Apple Castle!

Food, in the end, in our own tradition, is something holy. It's not about nutrients and calories. It's about sharing. It's about honesty. It's about identity. - Louise Fresco

Monday, April 4, 2016

Just our kids, and the kitchen BUT next post not so much!

We have been geocaching like crazy! We have found 29 so far and we have met some friendly geocachers helping us along the way! We successfully planted our first geocache called, "Home school trading adventures" and we will soon send off two trackables! The picture below is three of our sons and what's really funny, our two sons out front found the cache! Our little man (featured as the photo bomber in the background) is still looking! Now that's dedication! 

 We went to the "Koba's Great Big Show" starring Max and Ruby, Mike the Knight, Backyardigans and Franklin! Emily screamed and cheered for an hour and a half! Apparently she LOVES live theatre especially when they're off of Tree house!

The weather has been great (now that spring break is over) One thing we enjoy most is cooking our own on an open fire. Even if it's in the middle of our driveway! 

 After any holiday it's hard to get back into routine. Monday's are definitely the worst and the busiest! I myself always feel better once Monday is over! The picture below is my daily kitchen life! Always around 3 pm I'm starting to prepare and cook dinner. While I'm cooking dinner, I prepare our public 
school kids lunches. 

Sometimes I make two dinners. Like today, I have a roast cooking in the oven with all the trimmings. And seen above I have already made Friday nights casseroles. Do you want a night off from cooking? Cook two dinners in one night. The freezer is one of my best friends! 

Now this Friday is different. My husband and I won't be here. We have an important meeting and I've turned it into a much needed time away. It's crazy how excited I am to be without children and no responsibilities but ourselves! The last time was in January! 

So....this week is all about prep and when we get back I will write all about it!

This quote below, "Everything comes to you. In the right moment. Be patient. Be grateful." I kept reading it....eventually everything does come to you. We should always be grateful for life, we should always be patient with it, and when the right moment comes, whatever it is, whatever you were waiting for, it either comes or it doesn't and within that right moment, you'll know why. It goes back to that statement, "There's a light at the end of the tunnel" and you have to learn to embrace what surrounds you first before getting to the end. Whatever that end is. Funny, it seems like lately we're never at the end of anything but there is always those moments that remind us, it will be worth it when we do. 

"Be patient and stay strong" - Me.