I started writing this on the flight home. The last couple of days were exhausting. Originally I flew out to attend and support the birth of my grandchild and from there, I was on a mission to bring my daughter home. The living conditions weren't suitable for a baby. There was a cat we had to deal with that seemed to have previous physical trauma before my daughter and her boyfriend received it. There was a huge elimination of material items. We came home with a few bags. At one point I wasn't sure if we should stay, or leave due to her onset of false labour. Finally.....two days later her contractions stopped and we needed to make the move. I purchased tickets onto a full aircraft heading towards Vancouver. Amazingly our travels remained calm. During my Ontario experience I met a wonderful lady through a friend back home. Ironically this lady (now a friend) lived in the same city we were in. She was absolutely wonderful, driving us to where we needed to go, researched onto where and how to do it while giving us so much support. I was overwhelmed with appreciation, without her – it would have been difficult. As I'm reflecting, I am just besides myself with not only gratitude but pure amazement we were able to literally purchase the last seated flights, meet and receive such wonderful support from the most wonderful lady. Leaving her I cried. She cried. Within those few short but long days, this woman meant so much to me. An instant connection and love once again with a stranger now a friend. Not only was this experience emotional and physically draining on many levels, it was a miracle. I write that because I have my daughter back. We were able to come home before her babies birth. We met another beautiful person in this crazy mixed up world that saved us. She truly was our blessing. I feel such a release forgiving. It hit me on the flight home, I teared. I teared because we did it. We're moving onto another chapter. I'm a grandmother soon supporting my young adult daughter and her boyfriend. And honestly, I'm at peace doing so. A part of me felt empty thinking I wouldn't share the birth of my grand child and worse, never to see my daughter and grandchild ever again. I constantly questioned myself if I'm making the right choices but you know what.....it doesn't matter what people think. This is about love, and life. I never thought our life would be an easy road. It's a road of rocks, sticks and different paths along the way and I'm strong enough to get pricked, trip, make a wrong turn but at least the outcome is a positive one. I out of anyone now can say, “I've been through it all” and I'm becoming good at it. Lol Sixteen children. I still wouldn't change my life. It's one day at a time with our life and that's ok too. March proved to be interesting and now it will be a new month and a brand new chapter. Most importantly, my husband is a good man. He can hold the fort while I fly off changing lives, he forgives and when I was worried about all the costs, he said something that will always remain in my mind. “Life is priceless” “We are reconnecting with our daughter, witnessing our grandchild being born and supporting like parents should unconditionally” As much as my life can be challenging and stressful at times, I still wouldn't change it. I sure do love my family and my supportive understanding husband. Home for the holidays and a baby awaits to come into this world in a stable loving environment, not much more I can ask for – yet. Next up, a new arrival soon at home! I want to endlessly thank everyone who supported us along the way, who understands our choices and to conclude this post – Strength and forgiveness relies within, I know first hand how it hurts not to move forward in a more positive manner. I will always share honestly my experiences because I know, I've been there and back a few times over. What I know for sure - “Life is too short; live, love, forgive and don't look back” - Me.
Ps – long story longer.....I had a two our conversation with a gentlemen sitting next to me on the flight home. He was on a business trip. Of course we talked about children. Then he passed me his business card and told me there is a work available in my area! Wow! Thank you Ken! Proven again – there is many good people out there! We just need to acknowledge each other! Writing exhausted is an excellent release of what brain power I have left except for all the grammar errors! Now a good nights rest - I think.
A road worth traveled. It's time to heal. Forgetting the past and moving forward into the future. I recently wrote a post to my daughter and her boyfriend. (Seen Below) From there, she responded. She's having a baby any day now! So guess where I am!? I'm in the Toronto area. I flew out within an hour, took an hour and a half taxi ride (I missed the last bus) out to where she is. It's been almost two years since I really seen her last, and lots of hurt along the way so it was a completely spontaneous move on my part. Now, my husband and I have decided to take them home, help them become established, support them and their baby. We're in the process of making arrangements to leave Toronto as soon as the baby is born. That's any day now! Hope to be home for Easter.
Eight years ago we met for the first time. Just before your tenth birthday. Before that, all I had was a picture of you. I studied your picture for over a year, you were this beautiful young girl who we chose to adopt out of hundreds of other children. The wait seemed like forever, then you finally came home. I know it was rough. Everything was new. We had our challenges. Just as you, we had our doubts, questions and concerns but we jumped in as your new parents the best we knew how. You, your brother and sister was our first adoption. We learned through experience. We grew in love. I'm writing through my blog because I know you're reading, I know your birth family reads. I want to say, “I'm sorry” I'm sorry because I wasn't more for you. You wanted a Mother so bad, I became your Mother very quickly. I know it was difficult with your older sister. I know we aren't perfect parents. I know you feel that we haven't supported you. That, I'm also sorry for – that we couldn't support your choices because we care and love you. We wanted the best possible future imaginable for you (with wanting that so bad for you) we lost you. September 2011 you left. January 2012 you came back to only leave again. We haven't seen you since. We have no idea who you are. What's left is that perfect image I still have of you. That beautiful girl I waited for, to adopt and call my daughter. I have thought about writing this post for months. I constantly asked myself, “Can I forgive? Can I forget? Can I trust? Can I have the courage to reach out and say, I haven't stopped loving you, thinking about you” You might not want me as your Mother and I've accepted that. I want you to know, in my heart – I still am your Mom. I thought long and hard about writing publicly to you, because I want all to know what you mean to me. You're so beautiful. Now you're a young woman who I hardly know. Dad still loves and cares for you too. A little piece of our hearts are broken. Our disappointments are over. I'm not angry anymore. Life is too short. I've learned to forgive. I never thought I could............but I've found strength and peace by doing so. I wish you all the best in this crazy world. Please tell your significant other – I never stopped loving him also. My only thoughts now is, you both shouldn't have ran from day one but that's hindsight. You both had big wonderful supportive families with lots to offer. So many people to love. We could have worked out the kinks. (Teenage hood stepped in the way) I leave you with this; be truthful, follow your hearts and just remember – you both have families that never stopped loving.
Remember your love for Dolphins? Maybe one day you will swim with one. Keep your dreams.
PS - I might be a strong mother, but I was afraid to post this - afraid to reach out, afraid of many unknowns - maybe just like the both of you.
I went off to my home town to spend the day with my other mother. We found this little sushi place and we shared a few sushi dishes while discussing life. I haven't spent the day with her ever (that I remember) It was nice, after lunch we ventured off shopping. Of course I ended up finding clothing for our children! Once I start on one child, I have to finish purchasing for every child. It can be quite the ordeal. After shopping I dropped my mother back at home where my dad was waiting. I know, he would say, "I wasn't waiting" but he was waiting very patiently.
Reflecting back on my childhood, I always remember on how soft natured Brenda was. I'm not sure if she wasn't sure if she should get involved when situations arose during our child years. She just seemed to always be there regardless of the situation. I don't ever remember a raised voice, any anger - she just simply supported my father. Supported us. (My sister and I) Just a very soft woman is what I remember. I found her to be middle grounded. Meaning she wasn't someone to push into my life nor was she someone that wasn't in my life. She was just there. As an adult with children of my own, middle aged - I reflect on my past. The importance of people and how they supported my adolescent years. We don't realize until later the importance of someones love until we reflect back. While in the moments of life, I think it's very rare to say, "Wow, this person loves me" Until we reflect on it later. Brenda is no different then me. She loves and blood doesn't matter. The most important stumbling block I find within people is about who carries the same blood and somehow that makes a difference connecting. Anyone can "make" a child. That doesn't make you a parent, a mother nor a father. It's love and connection to each other that makes a family. Brenda is just that.
I'm truly blessed. I have two great mothers, two great fathers and a big family (that if not now) eventually our children will feel the same way I do. My children don't even realize how special it is to have Grandparents. I never had any. I'm at the point in my life where I embrace and recognize who's important. It's great to spend quality time (one on one) with our children, it's excellent to spend time with others who are important to us too. It was special spending time with someone that has invested her time with me for many years. A good mother and grandmother as far as I'm concerned.
Blood is a supply of oxygen, supply of nutrients, removal of waste, coagulation, regulation of our ph functions and our body temperature plus many more important physical factors including genetics. Blood doesn't make a family. Love does......keep connected to who's important to you. My thoughts for today.
We had a great Friday. We ventured off to the lovely city of Victoria. I love Victoria. Our capital of British Columbia is gorgeous. We visit Victoria frequently throughout our warmer months. On our way there we stopped and had a picnic lunch on the Malahat. We were running late according to "our plans" because it takes us at least an hour and a half to get ready to go anywhere! (I don't know why!?) lol During our first Victoria visit this year we went straight to Beacon Hill park where spring has sprung! It was beautiful. We visited the petting zoo and all the babies are being born. It was so sweet. Here are some pictures shared below. Our children brushed the goats, and were also allowed with supervision to hold the baby goats. Our youngest daughter was thrilled with everything. Our little man wasn't sure about anything. The rest of our children were right in there brushing, petting and enjoying the farm animals.
After the petting zoo, my husband took all our children to the park. They fed the ducks, played at the park while I brought our little man to the Mountain Co-op Equipment Outlet store. I love this store. Anything and everything you need for the outdoors is in this store! There is only one on this Island. We went in and I purchased a baby back pack! I am so excited about this. I can now push a wheelchair while back-packing my little man. Not only that - we can go anywhere. Hike anywhere. There is no stopping us. I love this back pack! See - I'm simplistic, whatever brings us closer to the outdoors - I'm happy!
After that we went to our favorite restaurant for families. Red Robin. They are very accommodating to larger groups and children. Every time we go, the service is excellent. Our server Adam tonight was great. I always write our order with our individual names attached to each meal to make life easier. When the food arrives, our waiter/waitress can then just call out their names. I ask that they put their hands up when their name is called. Everything runs smoothly. After our dinner while packing up, a man from another table came and told my husband that we're amazing. I know we're watched all the time. We don't notice (sometimes) because we're caught up in our own world having dinner or whatever we're doing. It's like being in our own bubble. People have inquiring minds, they look at our dynamics of multiculturalism and special needs and we pop out like Angelina Jolie. I get it. We're so used to being watched that it's probably the same for Angelina - we don't notice anymore or if we do - it doesn't matter. We kiss more. lol Anyways, what's nice is, when someone is watching - they do approach and say something. We don't bite. So when this man came up to my husband and said, "You guys are amazing" I was happy. Not for the compliment per-say. But because he went to my husband. He above all needs to hear that because he is - amazing. I've written this before, and I will write it over and over again. Our children's daddy is on board. He's actively doing everything and we're a team. To end our dinner, I replied, "Our children are amazing" Honestly they were well behaved and that's why we can walk into a restaurant with our children and feel comfortable.
Dinner was great. You can't see everyone and some are missing. I enclose hearts to protect my children's identities even though some know who they are and that's fine. After dinner, my husband proceeded home and I went and purchased groceries. Yes two vehicles lead the way! It was a grand Friday.
"A tip - if you're feeling lost onto what to do with your children - pack your cooler, get into your vehicle and drive. There is always a destination to explore!" - Me.
We're well into our Spring break. Some of us have been to the movies, Jumping Jiminies, while another chose to go out for lunch with his Mom (Me) We have finished all our appointments, and now we're working on our children's requests. We have bowling, mini-golf, more luncheon dates, more nights out to the movies, swimming and of course a few day trips and hiking lined up! I'm not sure if I want Spring break to end. I know once May is here......I become antsy for summer to begin! Our Spring break hasn't been all outings, we've been home accomplishing our endless lists of chores to do. Organizing our school room, moving some of our children into different rooms, going through clothing and putting away winter jackets. Making a list for who needs what for next winter. Although when I came out of the closet......I thought I was going insane witnessing white flakes before my eyes. I just finished what I was doing, chuckled because I know those white flakes falling from the sky doesn't stick and sun is on its way! Or at least the sun is on its way and will melt anything that resembles snow away!
I haven't written lately about our new son. We really enjoy having a baby. At first it was taking a step back in time. With any new adoption, there's adjustments for everyone. What I find, and I've found this after every adoption placement we've had is within a month it seems like our child/children have been here forever. It doesn't take us long. I know for some of our children it definitely takes longer, especially with older adoptions. We just adapt, add in and carry on as a family. It's easier for us to add then take away. SO our little baby boy is a sweet, happy and content bundle of joy. He's running around, babbling and keeps handing us stuffing from inside a stuffed ball. It's so cute. There is this tiny little hole that he sticks his fingers into pulling out the stuffing, every time he's successful getting some, he comes running to give either Daddy or myself the stuffing looking so proud. I don't dare take the ball because this is his favorite thing to do right now. His nickname is "Our little man" He's treated like a king.
So far every one seems healthy and happy. Just what we ordered for Spring break! To conclude, my thoughts I know for sure....."With positive perseverance you can conquer the most challenging times. We all have moments of despair, grieving in one form or another, feelings of loss but it's on how we're going to deal with it, and move onward to a brighter future. Challenges will come and go, experiences are a must and I constantly preach to our children that life is a choice. An individual choice. Choose it well, be pro-active and success will crown you"
For Spring break we're doing day trips according to the weather together. During the days of rain, we have suggested to our children that they decide what they want to do individually with their parent of choice. It can be anything within reason, an approximate four hour slot. Bowling, skating, swimming, movies, hiking, - you name it - whatever they choose, my husband and I have to do it. Sounds like fun!? I personally think this is an awesome idea. I can't wait to hear their requests, and make this time for themselves a reality! Stay tuned - it should be fun!
I have a few requests of my own this Spring Break. I would like to spend one day with my other mother. (Brenda) I don't like the word "step" and as you've probably noticed, I don't use it. We have never spent a day together. It's due.
I want to take a dear friend out to a dinner and theatre.
That's it! A short sweet post but leaving many upcoming posts revealing our Spring Break!
Back before Christmas I met a wonderful couple of elderly siblings that live together. They had previous lives consisting of marriage. With their loved ones gone, they decided to move back in together. Supporting each other through their elderly years. A prime example on how siblings remaining together through adoption is very important. Me meeting them was meant to be. I met them sitting in a restaurant. Once strangers.....now today I feel very much love and connection towards them. We send each other things through the mail, and we've talked several times on the phone. They've even asked us to come stay, all eighteen of us! Imagine that!? (Except technically there isn't eighteen around here anymore) I wrote a previous post called, The Christmas Tree" http://hohnsteins.blogspot.ca/2012/12/the-christmas-tree.htmlThis was about on how we met and what happened next that took place. The reason why I've chosen to re-highlight this story is because we're becoming good friends. This wouldn't have happened if Arno didn't mention how cute my son was while walking by us that evening. On how I in-return stopped by their table on my way out. You know, it's very contradicting telling our children not to talk with strangers then meanwhile I talk with strangers all the time. I do believe children shouldn't talk with strangers unless they're with their parent. I also believe us adults should talk with strangers. We know and understand, we can feel what's potentially dangerous or not. I was a very shy child growing up, I'm still somewhat reserved. Although with having many children, many different medical professionals in our life and including dealing with complaints from schools, other parents and constables - I've learned to be pro-actively outspoken. This has enhanced my life. Meeting Connie and Arno was very special. I feel very blessed to have these two wonderful compassionate siblings in our life. This morning Connie called me, checking up to see how we're doing. These two I can easily add as Grandparents for our children, while proving it's about connection and love rather then blood. So when you feel in your heart to speak with someone across the restaurant, or while on a ferry, bus or even walking through the mall. Follow your heart. You never know who you'll meet and just sometimes - you will meet that special person/people that will enhance your life, your family and to add that much more to every one's hearts. If not, I've noticedasmile is enough acknowledgement sometimes - which can brighten a lonely persons day. If we all could practice a more "pay it forward" attitude, the world would be a much better place and you would be surprised onto whom you will meet along the way! "Love you Connie and Arno - forever!" And to the little boy in the wheelchair on the ferry, how wonderful it was for our daughter and himself to have each other to connect with, even for a short while as strangers in passing.
I left early for a good reason. First, I believe I gave myself a hairline fracture with my big toe. From there I clearly was only thinking about my toe. Heading up to the passenger deck on the ferry, I didn't look onto what floor I parked on (deck 3,4,5) was I in the whale, crab or sea-lion section? I did not know. The time I found my van, we were unloading. It reminded me of the time we lost our keys but to find out that one of our children hid the keys while we searched everywhere, cars were being loaded to go back the other way. It was stressful. During my drive looking for the hotel, I was momentarily lost. Finally our arrival at the hotel consisted of hobbling, I was the hobbler pushing my daughter, hanging bags off my arms, and off the wheelchair - then my second trip was the cooler of food. Try pushing a wheelchair, carrying a cooler with a hobble. It wasn't joyful. We both relaxed, had dinner and for some reason, I stubbed my big toe again. It's like a sore thumb, it sticks out! The bleeding began again, and I was onto my third sock. Fitting my big toe (acting like a sore thumb) into my little Toms wasn't working, so I had this bright idea from a friend to go to Walmart to buy slippers. Pouring rain, my daughter and I went shopping for slippers. The funny thing is, I decided to push her wheelchair and pull a cart while hobbling through Walmart. It was an interesting sight, especially when I slipped on one bright blue slipper! I ended up Easter shopping. My cart was loaded (not because our children are receiving tons) but because we have a lot of children. While pushing and pulling outside in the pouring rain, hobbling in a furry bright blue slipper, a kind lady asked me, "Do you need help?" I laughed. "Not the help you're offering!" I think I'm funny, if anything - entertaining! Next up, Wednesday.
I decided I like my own town. It's simple, there is clearly a North and a South direction on one main highway. Then you can go West one way and turn around and come back to the East. When you're in the city, who knows where North, South, West and East is! I can't follow the ocean nor the sun because I can't see it through the tall high rise buildings! There is streets that are labelled the same but are located in different places. I was lost every time I went somewhere. There was no easy way to purchase a coffee and I was surprised not seeing any Tim Horton's or drive-thru's. The city is dirty. I didn't like seeing fruit stands sitting outside while hundreds of cars pass every hour. The little buildings connected together were dirty. I did get lost ending up driving East Hastings. Amazing how many drug deals that were happening in broad daylight. It's very sad. The whole lost experience honestly just reminded me that we are isolated on our cozy little Island. Not that there isn't places that look the same, or drug deals going on. It's less populated and confined where my home is. After our daughters first feeding assessment, I attempted bringing her to the Planetarium. Of course being lost - we missed their last show. So we ended up checking out the Maritime Museum instead. It's awesome if you're into ships. On our way back (lost again) I felt so good to realize I was going South instead of North, because finally realizing this, turning around would once again put me in the right direction! I have never received so many honks as I have had these past few days! No one liked the fact that I was going slow enough to read my next turn on the street signs two blocks ahead of me! I need a GPS! To conclude Wednesday, the team of professionals mentioned that our daughter was lucky to have us. Meaning such caring parents, 24/7 care for our daughter. I immediately responded, "We are lucky to have such a special daughter, (she's our gift) and has taught our whole family compassion for difference, she deserves only the best" I get teary eyed speaking on how special she really is. Very honoring for me to be her Mother.
Thursday was a 6am start. Our medical technology is amazing! Have you heard of a video fluoroscopic swallowing study? It is an xray that video tapes you swallowing food mixed with barium. Barium makes your food show up on the xray. Very interesting. Watching and learning about our daughter's feeding and swallowing issues was fascinating. She looked like a little dinosaur in the video, very cute. I learned a lot. We also now have a wonderful specialist that specializes with Cerebral Palsy and tone management that offered to follow our daughter. He was "awesome" We know our daughter's future consists of a feeding tube eventually, her diagnosed reflux will be managed with medication and we're going to document everything, every fever, daily food and liquid intake, our daughter is going to be well looked after! After the tests, and consulting appointments we left with some conclusions, many answers and a brief outlook into her future. Education with anything is definitely key to success. I do feel better inside constantly learning about our children medically, physically and mentally. On the ferry, we met another little boy in a wheelchair where they both interacted with each other. It was very cute. Now it's Spring Break............lost within my days, I'm now wrapping my brain around what our break will look like. I love being home, I love this Island. It's truly an Island, slower paced, less populated and my type of comfortable. Just like the city is beautiful in many ways. We all reside in areas we love and appreciate - so I completely understand there is nothing like home, and what's good for another isn't always good for someone else. So the hustle and bustle of a city can be more attractive then dodging horse manure every ten steps around here!
"No matter how dreary and gray our homes are, we people of flesh and blood would rather live there than in any other country, be it ever so beautiful. There is no place like home. - Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
The day has come. I'm taking our daughter for testing at Children's hospital. We will be gone until Thursday evening. Believe it or not, I am slightly worried about some of the initial testing because she traumatizes easily although I am very excited to have conclusions! So it's an exciting time. Once this week is over - we're dancing! At least I anticipate dancing! We've been busy, getting ready. Everything is perfect. We've celebrated two birthdays within a week, our one daughter turned 13, and our second oldest son turned 19. Friday is already planned for a fun filled day decorating blue chicken eggs and sugar cookies to end our week. Celebrating the start of Spring Break! Yahoo. I love holidays. Day trips are our future as long as our health allows.
I might be busy although I'm still finding my hour a day I've written about. Lately I've been running 2km with our home school children for PE. The little Notch hill I visit about once a week, and it took me a week to recover from boot camp! I will be back! Not only am I "trying" to stay active, which included going up and down the hospital stairs until I found out there was a Norwalk isolated floor, I've been changing my diet. It's a complete lifestyle change changing your diet I'm finding out. I will admit, it's difficult at first, just like putting on the running shoes, but after awhile it becomes a routine. I am 100% on routines and believe routines are key raising a larger family. Routines are successful for everything. I also know, if you have a significant other and you both have similar routines, your child/children will witness this and one parent can leave without anything changing which results in less chaos. So I have complete faith in my husband holding down our fort until I return. Although I might come home to a thousand mini marshmallows all over the house from plumbing pipe guns, or to a weird story onto why my husband has a new injury because he can be a big kid too! Whatever works to keep our mind, body and spirits alive. lol "To keep the body in good health is a duty, otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear" - Buddha.
To conclude, sharing a moment - one of my sons says, "I'm going to be with you forever" I turned to him and said, "I'm sorry, no not forever- hopefully another 50 years I will be alive, that would make me 90 and you 60!" He then says, "No Mom, 100!" I thought about this.......he might not want me alive in another 6-7 years......when he is a teenager but his wish will always remain in my heart. So I told him, "I will try to live 100 years" Then he says, "After that, you will always be forever in my heart" I thought, "Wow, not only is he intelligent, he is sentimentally deep!" Makes my health that more important, makes me re-think about his loyalty, and love for me. I was definitely touched. And this is why - "The way you think, the way you behave, the way you eat, can influence your life by 30 to 50 years!"
"Stay positive, anything negative that comes your way - deal with it, educate yourself and others, move on and enjoy your life and the people in it!" - Me. Next up - quality time with my baby girl and returning to my wonderful family!
While at home, I'm getting everything accomplished before leaving next week. Our littlest daughter is doing amazingly well considering the last twelve days. We have a birthday to celebrate and a much needed family weekend planned. During our last hospital stay my daughter and I made short clip videos. These videos as simplistic, as amateur as they are and while they completely suggest I'm insane, kept us smiling! Even on those down days! Now broadcasting live on my blog to share for every ones amusement, it's the Ernie, Chicken and Gumbie show!
"The mother's battle for her child with sickness, with poverty, with war, with all the forces of exploitation and callousness that cheapen human life needs to become a common human battle, waged in love and in the passion for survival" - Adrienne Rich.
"Silly as my amateur mini-clips is...our daughter smiles every time she watches; a wish that came true!"
And a huge "Thank you" for a friend that brought our daughter's props to make our video clips and the yummy food to the hospital! Especially to her daughter that picked out the "Chicken" I also am very thankful and appreciative for every ones support, including two friends that dropped off meals for my husband and my children while I was away! Love you all! Our daughter says, "Thank you! and Thank you Grandma and Grampa for the pink pig!"
This will be the only and last time I write about a comment that I'm not posting. The reason why I'm not posting it because it's completely coming from a source that I'm aware of that doesn't have any of their facts straight. So on their behave I wanted to mention that I did not say I disliked my Doctor nor the Ministry. I merely stated I didn't like the Doctor's comments regarding adoption. I actually love the fact our Ministry and Families exist and including foster care. Without them, our children wouldn't be safe. We just don't want to foster. I am completely honest when I write, and as much as I write that my husband and I do everything ourselves - that's true. This is our family. Yes there is supports such as Occupational, Practical, Speech therapies that all children are entitled too and including supports from our homeschooling for their education. There is supports offered everywhere for anyone if needed. For our children that qualify for the "At home program" They can receive diapers, formula and therapy equipment. There is PAA - (Post Adoption Assistance) available for families that qualify. There is an application process, and your child/children need to be designated for PAA, then you have to be approved for certain services provided or needed. Our family, our children isn't a paid position. So.....are we generously paid to adopt? My answer is, "No" Unfortunately individuals like yourself are quick to make assumptions and judge. Everyone, is entitled to their opinion whether it's right or wrong. I'm sorry that you are mislead and feel that we are something that we are not. I openly write, educate potential adoptive families and I speak on the AEP's (Adoption Education Panels) Nothing is hidden here. I know not all my readers follow because they like us - so the ones following that don't - I'm not posting your ridiculous comments on my blog unless you know what you're writing about.
On a better note - my daughter and I are home for now! Yahoo!
The storm blew in leaving our youngest daughter admitted at our local hospital. She needs the IV nourishment. She remains there since Thursday night. I've come home after two days to prepare food, take a shower and gather my thoughts. I feel thoughtless except for a conversation that is embedded in my mind. So here I write to release. A doctor asked me, "Why do we adopt?" Then he proceeded to comment stating, "We set our life up for this" I felt that this comment was not only uncalled for but out of the blue because I wasn't complaining. It was a follow-up visit that landed our daughter into the hospital. My only word at the time in my mind was he's an idiot. I know, I shouldn't be calling individuals names but at least I kept it to myself until now. His comment actually made me think that he's not just an idiot, we did set our life up for different trials adopting children and children with compromised immune systems. I'm not an idiot either. I didn't need to be told that we set our life up for this. I was not complaining and I was not stressed. The conversation didn't end there. Thinking back, I should of asked him, "Why are you a doctor?" My explanation why we adopt might have been the same answer as his. It's always interesting hearing people's opinions or concerns. This doctor was just lucky I had more cooth, more understanding then HE HAD because my answer only was, "Love for children and that we wanted to be our children's parents" (Guardians) I asked him, "Did I answer your question?" He looked puzzled answering, "Not really" Then he proceeded to tell me that if we just fostered at least we would be making money for our time and effort. That at least our life of trials would be worth something. Mmmmmm.......Fostering wasn't an option for us. We wanted forever. We wanted more children to call our own. We wanted to make sure with adoption our children remain with us permanently and we are their legal parents, not the Ministry. We don't need money for our children's trials to be worth our time. Their trials are worth our time because they're our children who we love and care for. Yes, we chose and set our life up for this. I'm so tired of individuals now including professional doctors that really step out of their "professional" bounds to rub adoption in our face. OK - YES - we jumped out in front of a truck and adopted. We never complain, we never ask for anything but now I am going out on a limb asking for something right now. POSITIVE support and understanding, to have compassion because somebody has to adopt children! Foster care is a temporary solution. So, as annoyed as I am - I'm still feeling pretty positive that our choices to adopt, our trials that we are embracing are right, we love our large compromised family. Our daughter who's hospitalized is one of our life joys. I'd rather sit beside her hospital bed knowing she's my daughter then fostering for the Ministry. Most importantly, she loves and trusts us unconditionally. And she deserves a family that gives this back to her. On a more positive note, the nurses kept stating that I seem so calm and relaxed. I answered, "Yes I am, I always believe in a positive outcome and we're used to what I call passing storms. After all, we set our life up for this" In a more positive statement while smiling. Thank you Doctor for my reality check! And, "How do we do it?" Is another frequently asked question lately. My answer, "I try to keep a peaceful and positive mind"
For now, our update - yes our sweet little daughter is hospitalized, she's no longer eating or drinking - it has been over a week following a fever for 10 days and counting with a unknown cause. My husband and I are taking shifts at the hospital. (Mainly I'm at the hospital because my husband can't deal with the procedures) Poor guy! The next plan is a possible feeding tube and Children's hospital soon. People who know me well......they know how to contact me. Otherwise I will update when I can. For my night at home.......March 2nd - wow it's March......I do feel at a loss. Imagine having a child that is fully dependant that you have embraced 24/7 - 7 days a week not being here. It makes your heart feel like there's a missing piece. Yes, maybe I set myself up for these feelings......but this is not about that at all - I love her and I don't have any complaints, any regrets - I just want to see her smile and play again like the little happy daughter that I know.