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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

"Just please tell the truth"

I can be shocked over and over again by flawless chronic lying by at least four of our children. It can be as simple as, "I didn't throw that rock" to as complicated by making stories that has everyone convinced it's true. It's like being in a movie with a shocking twist at the end. (The truth) Most of the time I can tell if most of our children are lying, usually we want the truth told either way. Sometimes a few can be so stubborn that the truth is never revealed. Sometimes the truth is revealed once caught red handed and sometimes even that won't change a lie. "I didn't do it" is a famous line around here. We've tried everything to break the endless cycle of lies. Some of our children I swear can beat a lie detector test. It's completely amazing. I am a Mother that doesn't say, "It's not my child" If anything, it is our child but sometimes their convincing lies have beaten me. I believe. I believe so much that I'm right in that horror movie with the shocking twist in the end. Every day someone is lying about something. "It wasn't me" It's becoming a problem. We've tried absolutely everything searching for even some simple truths. Not only do they lie, they will blame another in hopes whoever will take the blame. I have gone to the extreme of grounding our children to the book, "The boy who cried wolf" A book that they would have to read over and over again until there is some understanding. Some have written lines, some will just have to sit or stand until the truth is told. Missing out in our family fun. (This doesn't break the code of lies) What saddens me and what I always explain is, it's not the crime, it's the lying. It's our trust that's being broken. So when the truth is told, we won't believe. I know with a few of our children, we don't believe anything. I can't stress enough how horrible this is when you love your child but you can't trust them, you can't believe them. Just this morning, one of our sons who's what I would call a chronic liar, is lying over something ill important but it's the lie. "Sigh" Everyday. I also understand that lying is a huge attribute that comes with having FAS. (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) But I wish for a cure, an idea or strategy that can be used for parents to either learn on how to tell what's the truth from the lies or how to change the cycle of extreme convincing story telling from the child. After all, "The boy who cried Wolf" will never be believed when something is importantly true and what about their future as adults? It makes me worry. It saddens me to know I can't believe my own child. I would love to attend a workshop for parents on how to deal with children who chronically lie and on how to deal with our own feelings on not being able to believe your child. Because honestly, the more some of our children lie, the more I'm heart broken on what to do. I also know it's not about me but to become a better parent on how to deal with my own emotions over all the disappointment sometimes I feel, I need to know what I can do better. How can I help my children with this horrible trait of lying when I've tried everything? You would think it's just so simple to tell the truth, as the truth would set you free but it's not like that around our home with at least four of our children. I was awake all night thinking for a magical cure to awake this morning to more lies from one of our sons. It's completely mind boggling to me as a parent with having tears in my eyes asking for the truth and it never transpires. Writing is my release and realizing that "lies" are a part of our life; I need to either come to terms with it or solve the behaviour. I was once told, "I'm not the saviour of the world" although I would love to have our children to "just please tell the truth"

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing this post! My chronic little fibber is driving us crazy with concern about trust and attachment issues...we're not alone but this sure is a challenging period. if you hear of any great workshops or books please share!!