Since we've been home, we've been busy. Busy organizing life and repairing relationships. We did manage however to wrap up our spring break in Tofino!
Still no baby news. Which is good because it gave us more time to prepare! Since the arrival of my daughter being back home, I've noticed many mixed feelings. Our children warmed up very quickly. Inside our home it's very welcoming and forgiving for the most part. Although outside our home (with other people) they're questioning why on earth would we choose to take on and support our daughter, her significant other and their soon to be baby. Here is my answer.
I was seventeen when I had my first child. The circumstances were different although my mother supported me with my boyfriend. She housed the both of us until we were stable enough to not only parent but to support our little family on our own. I know first hand how hard it is to jump into motherhood with a brand new baby being a teenager. Not only that - I know I needed my mother. My baby at the time was in good hands with all the support I was given. When I flew East not even thinking about bringing my daughter home, (just to support the birth) - within those few long days I knew I couldn't leave them to manage on their own. I know the past few years were difficult while they were running having the time of their lives, but I also had a sense that that time was now over. A new chapter was beginning and I needed to do what's right. I never stopped loving my daughter while away. I was hurt and angry but my love never dwindled. I seemed to long for our relationship to somehow be corrected eventually. I found out my emails to her were blocked from birth members. That's why she never responded. She followed my blog religiously everyday. So my only last attempt was to bring our personal trials public through here, so she can read onto how much I still loved her, what she meant to me and that I'm no longer angry. I ask everyone that feels upset by our decisions, "Would you do anything differently?" "Would you continue to feel angry with no forgiveness to never see your daughter or grandchild again?" Continue to worry what the future holds for them, for their baby while doing nothing. I can't. When I'm angry I feel within those moments that I can move on and forget but when reality shines on me - I need to do what's right, what I feel is right for everyone. Not only for them but for our whole family. For peace. So I write explaining our choices in hopes that others can move forward too, and if not - I am deeply sorry and understand because out of anyone - I was there grasping for the understanding and forgiveness myself too to move on. I can't write enough that life is too short and to follow what's right within your heart regardless what others think - trials and challenges are there for a reason, perhaps to teach us to forgive. Like me. If you're having trials, please inbox me - I have some hopeful answers because I've been there with no hope. In conclusion, I am proud to say I'm looking forward to the next chapter being an active grandmother and mother supporting my daughter into her next journey of life. It's called, "Love"