The storm blew in leaving our youngest daughter admitted at our local hospital. She needs the IV nourishment. She remains there since Thursday night. I've come home after two days to prepare food, take a shower and gather my thoughts. I feel thoughtless except for a conversation that is embedded in my mind. So here I write to release. A doctor asked me, "Why do we adopt?" Then he proceeded to comment stating, "We set our life up for this" I felt that this comment was not only uncalled for but out of the blue because I wasn't complaining. It was a follow-up visit that landed our daughter into the hospital. My only word at the time in my mind was he's an idiot. I know, I shouldn't be calling individuals names but at least I kept it to myself until now. His comment actually made me think that he's not just an idiot, we did set our life up for different trials adopting children and children with compromised immune systems. I'm not an idiot either. I didn't need to be told that we set our life up for this. I was not complaining and I was not stressed. The conversation didn't end there. Thinking back, I should of asked him, "Why are you a doctor?" My explanation why we adopt might have been the same answer as his. It's always interesting hearing people's opinions or concerns. This doctor was just lucky I had more cooth, more understanding then HE HAD because my answer only was, "Love for children and that we wanted to be our children's parents" (Guardians) I asked him, "Did I answer your question?" He looked puzzled answering, "Not really" Then he proceeded to tell me that if we just fostered at least we would be making money for our time and effort. That at least our life of trials would be worth something. Mmmmmm.......Fostering wasn't an option for us. We wanted forever. We wanted more children to call our own. We wanted to make sure with adoption our children remain with us permanently and we are their legal parents, not the Ministry. We don't need money for our children's trials to be worth our time. Their trials are worth our time because they're our children who we love and care for. Yes, we chose and set our life up for this. I'm so tired of individuals now including professional doctors that really step out of their "professional" bounds to rub adoption in our face. OK - YES - we jumped out in front of a truck and adopted. We never complain, we never ask for anything but now I am going out on a limb asking for something right now. POSITIVE support and understanding, to have compassion because somebody has to adopt children! Foster care is a temporary solution. So, as annoyed as I am - I'm still feeling pretty positive that our choices to adopt, our trials that we are embracing are right, we love our large compromised family. Our daughter who's hospitalized is one of our life joys. I'd rather sit beside her hospital bed knowing she's my daughter then fostering for the Ministry. Most importantly, she loves and trusts us unconditionally. And she deserves a family that gives this back to her. On a more positive note, the nurses kept stating that I seem so calm and relaxed. I answered, "Yes I am, I always believe in a positive outcome and we're used to what I call passing storms. After all, we set our life up for this" In a more positive statement while smiling. Thank you Doctor for my reality check! And, "How do we do it?" Is another frequently asked question lately. My answer, "I try to keep a peaceful and positive mind"
For now, our update - yes our sweet little daughter is hospitalized, she's no longer eating or drinking - it has been over a week following a fever for 10 days and counting with a unknown cause. My husband and I are taking shifts at the hospital. (Mainly I'm at the hospital because my husband can't deal with the procedures) Poor guy! The next plan is a possible feeding tube and Children's hospital soon. People who know me well......they know how to contact me. Otherwise I will update when I can. For my night at home.......March 2nd - wow it's March......I do feel at a loss. Imagine having a child that is fully dependant that you have embraced 24/7 - 7 days a week not being here. It makes your heart feel like there's a missing piece. Yes, maybe I set myself up for these feelings......but this is not about that at all - I love her and I don't have any complaints, any regrets - I just want to see her smile and play again like the little happy daughter that I know.