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Monday, January 14, 2013

Life goes on


Today was interesting. Monday I actually baked from 8am on. I was able to accomplish cheese sticks, cinnamon buns, sweet n salty chocolate chip cookies while making curried rice with slow oven roasted BBQ pork for dinner. During the day we had a practical therapist visit and some of our home schooled children were learning organization. I have had several laughs for the past couple days. Who would laugh around here with all the extra work in our basement. (Us) Throwing out tons of items, washing others and hanging out the rest to dry. All the novels on our kitchen table, the Twilight series and other novels are completely ruined. Boxes of children books gone. We thought Christmas ended but the Christmas tree needs to stand to dry! We've bought 20 huge plastic totes so far for the remainder of items that still need to be stored. We've learned our lesson - don't use cardboard boxes, it protects nothing. While house bound this past weekend and today, I managed to bake, cook and put away over ten loads of backed up laundry. I usually make organized piles from youngest to oldest but today it was a laundry pile in the middle of our living room floor! Some of our children joined in collecting all their clothes, while some were hiding and throwing the clothes like leaves. I cringed at the thought of our underwear being tossed around like fallen leaves but lately when something needs to be done, it's all about being creative. Time is going by fast and we'd rather enjoy each other - not laundry and after this weekend, who really cares about the laundry anyways! While baking, our "little man" (his new nickname) was enjoying inside our cupboards. This cupboard seen above is reserved just for him! Funny, I sent this picture of our little man as a text to a friend saying it was my husband. I didn't clue in until I read it again. My friend texting back says, "Poor guy" lol I cracked right up.......but that's life around here. Our one daughter finished making her bed, very neatly. I was impressed. Later in the evening she asked, "Who made my bed?" I said, "You did" She continued to say, "No I didn't" So......knowing where this conversation was going I said, "It must of been the bed fairy" She says,"Yes you're right, it was the bed fairy, how could I forget!" It was funny but yes, sad at the same time. Our motto around here is not to feel sorry for each other with our challenges, but to just be and go along with it - laugh because the majority of it is funny. During the past couple of days I was thinking about our children's special needs and behaviors. What isn't funny is the FASD. (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) diagnoses. Many interesting scenarios will continue to happen, the behaviors will exist but what's sad - it could have been avoided. Here we are, we adopted all these beautiful children with multiple special needs, (yes we took it all on) so this isn't a complaint session rather just our reality.....we are the parents everyday that deal with the aftermath of their birth parents choices. So as this is my shaming week. And as much as I try to have compassion and understanding for everyone, I shame the birth parents that have brain damaged their children. Children not only brain damaged but that have been in several foster homes before an adoption placement that developed attachment issues because they were taking away for continuous drug and alcohol use and neglect. What's even sadder, us as adoptive parents adopt these children, we absolutely do everything for them and somehow it's our fault. I even know that some birth families brainwash their children. Constantly story telling about the past, about how they (birth parents) were shafted in some way and it was never their fault for their child's ongoing future of struggles. Even sadder, when the child grows up and wants to reconnect with their birth family, the lies still continue, the cycle still exists......the ministry and the adoptive family are to blame still. Funny, not sure how we're to blame when we adopted children to provide them a family with a hopeful successful future consisting trust. I understand the blame, we cared enough to provide conditions and rules, a "boring" yet stable environment to hopefully help guide our children so they'll have promising futures. Today.....it was sad listening to one of our sons, realizing it's not his fault although correction is a must. So that's when inside myself I shamed the birth parents not caring enough to even stop drinking and doing drugs. If only they could understand what they've done. Only if they could realize that at least us adoptive parents care enough to raise their child/children they lost. I'm here to write on behalf of all adoptive parents, remember it's not you. And a huge hand shake for adopting children that need parents like us. Concluding I will state; it doesn't matter what anyone thinks of us. (I really don't care actually) And we are the ones picking up the pieces that many birth families have left behind. If your children don't see that now, they will eventually, our oldest son did! With my deep thoughts during some frustrating days, we remain happy with laughter, and knowing life goes on as us not being the shameful ones.

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