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Friday, October 7, 2011

Consequences

This week has been a fast moving jet. Unfortunately I'm not feeling well and I haven't prepared for Thanksgiving. A few days ago I thought I had a pinched nerve. I stretched. I used A535. I had hot baths. Thursday I awoke to more severe pain circulating my lower right back, hip and into my groin. From there it has spread down into my knee. The pain hasn't subsided. I went to my family doctor. (I never go and see him unless it's an emergency!) He was concerned I was there! I was embarrassed I was there explaining that I shouldn't be because it's probably a pinched nerve but I explained I can't sleep, I can't walk properly, I loose function with my right leg. It's painful. The only way I could explain myself was saying it feels like a chemical plant burst inside the right side of my body. He looked at me and said, "It's not a pinched nerve" It's more likely Shingles. If it isn't Shingles it's your central nervous system and we'll do more tests next week after the holiday. I'm suppose to watch for a rash or blisters. Today I'm completely consumed on how I feel. Emotionally and physically. Turns out I have Shingles. Anyone who doesn't know what Shingles is, it's a disease that's painful, a blistering skin rash due to the virus that causes chicken pox. I had chicken pox at a young age and later in life some individuals develop Shingles because the disease lies dormant for years until the nervous system is weakened or from extreme stress. In my case, it's affecting my motor nerves which controls movement. So my right side has onsets of paralyses and weakness. In other words, I'm not very happy about it. Today I was going to do my last minute grocery shop for Thanksgiving but I'm feeling slightly lost with my capabilities. I wasn't going to write. Honestly I'm very teary. So Shingles aren't contagious. Although with direct contact with the blisters, someone who hasn't caught the chicken pox virus can catch chicken pox. So now I wonder who of our children will come down with the chicken pox virus? Interestingly enough I asked my doctor, "Isn't Shingles an elderly disease?" It can effect younger individuals if they have a weaker immune system or are under a lot of stress. "OK" I thought. So now that I know I have Shingles, it's approximately 3-5 weeks recovery. A few years ago my father had Shingles. I was told that it was so painful for him he had a hard time wearing clothing and it took months for his recovery. Everyone is different and I'm only at the beginning stage of a disease that I would never think of having. So who knows.....one thing I know is I'm learning that I have to let life go..............I have to let go when our teenagers make poor choices and I have to realize everyone has a destiny. I'm not in charge, only God is. I know this is where most of my stress is. I just have been so consumed on making a great life for our children; I just want so much for our children and when it doesn't go my way, (yes my way) it's very upsetting. This is my life but it's not about me. Confusing? Sure is sometimes. I don't believe I'm in denial but managing feelings is hard to do. Everyone who knows me, witnesses I'm quite positive......probably lately not so much. And that in itself I feel I let people down. I'm guilty as charged and I'm really not feeling well so who cares. That's what my teenagers keep telling me. Although in the end.......everyone does care and reality is reality. For now, my husband is out buying last minute supplies for Thanksgiving because I can't even drive with my right leg. Reality is things that actually exist, not on how they might appear or be imagined. Eventually our teenagers will see this too. The harder part of reality is facing the facts, the consequences of what is. Like me - mine are Shingles most likely caused by stress.

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