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Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Successful respectful citizens

"As a grape, I have definitely had better days"
 
 
 
I never thought I'd being staring at a blank page. After all these years of blogging. Now that I'm attempting to write a book - my mind isn't connecting around the whole paragraph blogging style anymore. My main focus has shifted. Stating this, I still plan on blogging when I can although it might be limited from time to time. I actually have this behavioural point I'd like to make today. This is just an example - this morning one of our sons decided he didn't get enough grapes that he demanded. My husband said, "No, you can have this many" although when my husband's back was turned he grabbed more. Our son was showing his sneaky little defiant side. So my husband told him to give some back. Then our son proceeded to throw and squish the grapes he was given into the floor, stomp, (yell back) and slam his door. It was quite the ordeal and all before going on a field trip with his school. Guess what!? He didn't go. He stayed home and was home schooled with me for the day. The school called me asking onto why our son wasn't attending school because it was a special field trip day. I told her our son was staying home for behavioral reasons. My point - regardless if our children are diagnosed with FASD (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) it's not an excuse. Children need to know that their behaviours are unacceptable and very quickly after the incident. Warnings don't work. Many other parents ask us on how we have decently behaved children.....at the public school we have a three strike you're out rule. One, two and you're coming home. At home we have no tolerance for disrespect. Especially myself, I stop it from the beginning. If the beginning has no end with the teenagers, you state how it is and leave it. I don't jump on their boat anymore. So for our one son there was a harsh lesson learned. Some may wonder if discipline works and especially with children diagnosed with FAS......I understand that "sometimes" the cause and effect isn't registering but I know for a fact children regardless of their diagnoses, need the immediate attention onto what's right and wrong. It works but it has to be an immediate dedicated response from the parent. As we know with any child, you give them an inch - they will take a mile. And in all honesty, we aren't doing any child a favor allowing their behaviors to excel. Another example - years ago one of our children soiled and played with their feces. While in foster care it wasn't really acknowledged that this child could learn to stop this behavior given his/her needs. (I'm really trying to use my confidentiality technique hiding onto whom our child is) So during our adoption placement period we quickly curbed the behavior within two months. Some professionals believe after being adopted either behaviors will escalate or halt given their new forever home, (which is true) although I believe it doesn't matter where a child lives, if the care and effort is there to correct and have faith in that child, they are capable of learning. Every child. It is the dedication and the consistency from the parent in order to change the child's behavior. So when someone passes the blame onto their child......it's 50/50 and we aren't doing our children any favors allowing their behaviors to exist and/or excel. We're learning right now with our youngest with more complex needs to curb her behavior with a more structured routine controlled by picture cues. So depending on your child, and his/her needs - there is a solution. Educating ourselves helps us educated our children. I actually find it quite fascinating. I get questioned a lot on how we manage, hence why I continue to blog. I can't write enough about how consistency, structure and routine is and should be a dedicated position for any parent raising children, following these key steps you will have success. Always remember, "Children will take a mile - be consistent, limit the warnings, you're not their friend - you're their parent giving your children the fundamentals in life to become successful respectful citizens within their future" - they will eventually thank you!

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