I am proud

We have a new chapter in our life beginning. Two of our adult children are moving out. Our oldest son already has and now our oldest daughter is moving. Before I had a really hard time with this, meaning our young adult children leaving our nest. Now not so much. I think from sixteen on it's a struggle being a parent while our teenagers seek their independence. So when they're eighteen and above wanting the responsibilities of looking after themselves, I'm surprisingly supportive! It's an exciting feeling I get knowing that my job as a parent supporting their child years are over. I explained that my parenting shifts. I can visit! I can help when called upon. Something what I love to do is bake, cook and share food! Visiting bringing food should open their door right?! Mmmm......So I'm excited! I'm a Mother with toddlers that I'm still potting training, I have a kindergartner, a grade two-er, a grade three-er, then four in grade six, one in grade eight, I home school our grade eleven-er, a soon to be graduate, then our adult children. One in University and the other who seems to be working really hard with many jobs. I feel somewhat experienced as a Mother. Now that I've felt every milestone that a child could have including many different special needs and developing needs, I feel confident to move into the next stage of their life. With this experience and confidence, I feel more able to approach this over and over again being that we have many children that will reach every milestone. Every stone turned over is a kiss good luck from me and it's bitter sweet. My children are my life. My daughter age twenty one, my son age eighteen I'm still here for. I definitely don't want to over-step my boundaries as their Mother into their adulthood like perhaps I did their childhood but I would love to be apart of it. That's why I keep writing how important family is.....parents and family are a great asset to have. I know that I have been enjoying my parents the more I age. Parents are the best friends we could ever ask for and I am so thankful that I have recognized this with mine. With that next step, that next leap.....my children living on their own.....I'm not only excited, I am proud. It's natural at this point to take a few steps back and I'm completely "ok" with this. I cheer my children onward as now it's their turn...........and I quietly laugh thinking we only have twelve more to go with three staying forever I'm sure. And here's a secret....."I'm proud with that too!"

Their "Tickle Trunk" Mother

It's that time of year again to pull out our tickle trunk. Yes the picture above is me wearing a unicorn head, funky white and purple gloves, a red and white nightgown with my ole jacket, boots and red wings hooked to my back. I used to be totally into Halloween. In the past ten years I've changed. I don't mind taking our children out trick or treating for an hour or so while they laugh hysterically at their Mother dressed like she rolled in a box of unwanted items. We also attend a pumpkin walk with hundreds of lit pumpkins and at the end of the trail there is hot chocolate and a bomb fire. Every year I buy ten-ish pumpkins and our family carves different faces or images into the pumpkins while I roast the pumpkin seeds in garlic butter. Last year some of our children laughed at me while some of our pumpkins rolled through the store parking lot. I lost a few from falling off a over loaded grocery cart! I quickly looked around and gathered up our cracked pumpkins and left the scene! Now I dread the candy wrappers all over the house, in the pocket of jeans after I've done the laundry! There is nothing worse then melted chocolate in the pocket of jeans! I know I can easily change our traditional night of trick or treating but it's like taking the tooth fairy away. Childhood memories that I love creating and that I want our children to have. So as much as this one night could pass without thought, I, like many others follow the trick or treating tradition. Plus it's just so cute seeing all our children dressed up, we have elephants, lions, unicorns, monkeys basically the animal kingdom! I remember one year I laughed so hard at my husband wearing this mask. While he walked, his mask eyes were constantly looking in the sky. Inside he could see straight ahead but from the outside it looked like he was walking around star gazing. Another year I was trying to make my husband look like a punk. Blue spiky hair. My bright idea was using blue food coloring. Well......my husband rubbed in the blue food coloring into his hair, it seeped into his scalp and eventually running down onto his face. He scrubbed for hours trying to remove the blue stain to his face and his hands. He had this look for days. The funny part of this story is, he didn't look like a punk, he was constantly asked if he was a little blue smurf! Throughout our years of dressing up we've won costume contests (not in the above picture of course) and we've had lots of fun. Stories worth sharing. Even some of our sons as well as my husband has dressed up like girls. The blond hair, the makeup, the frilly dress to the higher heels! Great sports! I can be worse then a commercial or a department store because I already have Thanksgiving, trick or treating and Christmas all being prepared weeks and months in advance! If anything, we have some great laughs together even if it's generalized at my husband or I - after all, I am their tickle trunk Mother.

The place of Harmony

The opportunity to spend sometime with my parents and some of my children in a place that offers solitude came knocking at our door. Over the weekend I and some of our children went to Malcolm Island to visit my parents while they were on a vacation retreat. We first stopped in at a friends house in Port McNeil where she made us a wonderful homemade soup and cornbread. I haven't had cornbread since I was a child! It was "yummy!" Unfortunately it was too short of a visit because we were off to catch the ferry. Malcolm Island is an Island with a community called Sointula. Meaning the place of harmony. When I was there I was reading some of Sointula's history. In the nineteenth century a group of Finns wanted to design a community where the property was communal, everyone shared and everyone was equal. They believed in sound body, sound mind. Now the people who stayed turned Sointula into a commercial fishing destination. Most of the homes were bright in color and over one hundred years old, the little place we stayed in looked over Port McNeil. My Step dad was a fisherman all his life and knew many people on the Island that still commercial fishes today. There was a 80 year old fisherman who reminded my Mom of my Uncle Al by the name of Al who owns the Marine Tarkanen ways. This Al explained that there is school bus boats transferring students to and from school. Although there was different boats for Caucasian and Native children because they didn't get along. For a short period of time I was shocked (if true) because if anything I would think that steps would have been made to integrate. Sometimes life baffles me. My husband's Grandfather owned the ship yard on Alert Bay, that's where my husband's Mother grew up. The history fascinates me. When we were living up North I saw first hand on how different Native Bands didn't get along, everyone including the Mennonites to "hill-billies" clashed while attending the same Country school. To keep children safe, different buses would come from the different communities. It just reminded me that our pasts aren't a simple fix. As I contemplated possible facts I heard and history I learned while away; I wondered about the communities that are still maintaining a shared living. My limited knowledge on this is the sharing community openly borrows everything and anything regardless if the lenders are home or not. Eventually the item borrowed is returned. I think this is a good concept if it was already your adapted way of life. Just like the families that can all live together in one home. Economically this makes sense in such a expensive world but our society pushes for independence. Mmmm......well anyone who knows me, knows I think A-LOT about absolutely everything. I seem to feed of stories, peoples experiences and knowledge. I try to develop understanding for everything because I've learned with understanding comes acceptance. I've always believed with acceptance comes compassion. (It's like a step by step process just like our feelings) So when I think about the separate boats and buses that transfer different children to and from their communities, I understand that sometimes the reality is keeping the peace by separation. We're all different. Every time I go somewhere I'm learning and recognizing this is how our world integrates - together but on separate boats because sharing doesn't work for everyone. We don't have to travel far to understand that we all live differently. Like the house above, someone lives there simply enjoying nothing but the movement of tides. In conclusion our weekend was interestingly relaxing looking over the lights of Port McNeil while full of education not only for me but some of our children. On our way home we seen two wolves up close with a wolf rescuer and visited with my other parents. We met their new Boston Terrier puppy and headed home. A place that isn't exactly a shared living nor floating on water but a place I would say inviting for all, a home of harmony with tense and relaxed moments with only one ride.

Family circle

Our liaison worker suggested an idea for our family and I loved it! We actually tried it at dinner tonight. What we're going to do every Saturday night is all of us will be sitting in a circle. I will set the stage with candles and possibly candy, chips or popcorn will be in the middle. You don't have to have food but I'm all about having the atmosphere inviting! While we're settled into our family circle (which could take sometime) we will pass around an object. Whoever has the object speaks about anything they want. While the rest is practicing respect - being quiet. For our family, if there is snickering, teasing, gestured noises, laughing while someone is speaking, they will be removed from the circle until respect can be given. Once the individual is finished, the object is then passed to the next person. We tried this at dinner tonight. (Practicing) I was explaining this exercise and of course we had some "jokers" Although eventually everyone was catching on. It was great. Our five year old son said, "I learned today that I can't punch my sister in her nose" Then our almost seven year old son said, "I really like school and I'm learning about leaves" Our three year old son is so intellectual, in complete sentences he said, ".........went into my bedroom when she wasn't allowed Mom" I smiled thinking that tattling is coming out even with this exercise! When the object reached my husband he said, "There is not enough meat in this stew and how am I suppose to maintain my muscles?" Of course when I held the object I explained the exercise. Needless to say it's an awesome exercise to do with your family. It teaches respect and patience while someone else is talking, we are all listening to each other and everyone at the end feels important to have been able to speak within the group. We will also find out different feelings that we might not ever have known! Our family group would consist of thirteen people for sure. (Our usual group that's together) Another thought to add later is different topics or themed to make it fun. Wouldn't it be fun if we all dressed in grass skirts with flowered lays eating pineapple drinking virgin pina coladas! I can't wait to officially start an evening with our family circle. After practicing during dinner, most of our children wanted to do it again! What will your Saturday night entail?

ADELE- MAKE YOU FEEL MY LOVE - (For my children)

Bright lights

We don't have the aftermath like an earthquake would cause but being Wednesday we're back on track. I will admit all the talk about Cuba with my sister who travels at least twice a year makes me want a plane ticket. That's also not my reality. Although I'm taking 4-5 of our children to Malcolm Island. It's located off of Port McNeil. We'll be there for three days! In the meantime with our rain settling in, I'm back to baking and cooking in my nooked kitchen. Therapeutic Horse riding starts today for two of our girls for the next eleven weeks. Recently our oldest son told me I'm "intense" in regards to my children. I'm thinking he meant by our child numbers but while I think about this comment, to me it means "too involved" I wonder if he has a point? After all, I've written previous posts on a "Happy self" Perhaps I do get caught up with too many feelings inside but my question is, "How do I not?" I openly speak about everything within the support groups that I attend, I write and I acknowledge that I am "intense" So "Thank you son, I know" Our oldest son went through two years of searching for his independence, he still is and honestly because I know he's reading; I do understand. It's just that I am "too intense" wanting everything and anything to be great for him, I love him like I love all our children. Sometimes my feelings get in the way on how to support while our teenagers transition from being a child into being a young adult. It seems that the only way to move out is to move like an earthquake. Eventually everything settles and all the pieces are being picked up, one by one - a little step at a time. In the grand scheme of either days, months and possible years later, there is the brighter side. Like today, it might not be bright outside but inside our home it's calm. I've been explaining to anyone affected by any episode that creating more drama doesn't help any situation. Like myself, it's perfectly healthy to go through all the emotions but we all need to move on and understand that we all need to go through the process of feelings. We all deal with feelings differently and having the respect for one another, we have to give each other time. As a parent, I always remind our children that I am a person with feelings too. In fact I think most children/teens forget we're human beings with an organ called a heart controlled by our brain! It's interesting their response, usually its a pause while they think about me having feelings......then it's, "Sorry Mom" That's the bright light I'm talking about! One day I will write a book but for now, sharing my life through this blog is ideal. My belief it helps me (I love writing) and I always hope it helps you in one way or another. One fact I know for sure; we're not alone as parents. Before I cared about what others thought, today not so much. The only thing I care about is our bright lights and hearing about others!

"One day at a time"

Finally with some hard wiring directly from our wall, I was able to access the internet. Recently we pulled the wireless access from our house which spiralled a complete shutdown. Not that having no internet is horrible but like most others I correspond through emails. (And I write) Our weekend that past was extremely difficult. I won't get into details but it involved the police, lots of escalated drama, mainly more enlightenment's for my husband and I. Teenagers in general aren't a bed of roses but when you add possible underlying mental illnesses, it's a whole new ball game. It's feeling like you're on a roller coaster and holding on is the only survival technique I can explain. I will admit that I was a mess. I was angry, disappointed and extremely hurt. I held my composure until it was over then I cried and I cried until I didn't resemble myself anymore. I questioned my life. I did exactly what I say parents shouldn't do, I blamed myself. Not only did I blame myself, I was so disappointed in my child that I didn't know what to do with him/her. I'm protecting him/hers identity by not mentioning gender and age but I do want to write about our past experience and surely not the last. I've chosen to write about it without disclosing much details because it's not about the incident itself, it's more about sharing how I'm dealing with it. Basically any child birth or adopted their personalities can change or alter with maturity. Sometimes that cute little child we love so much that we've grown to have faith in disappoints us. The faith is lost, the trust and for a Mother, it's heart breaking. (Then adding a mental illness) For the teen possibly affected I'm convinced it must be difficult and maddening inside to not understand the altering highs and lows in behaviors. For the family, it's also confusing, frightening and leaves the huge question, "What to do?" Especially during what I will call an "episode" Our decisions was to call the police. Mainly to start a file, start some history that can help while getting our child assessed. Also to protect. I felt broken down as a parent this past weekend but everyday is a new day and I truly still believe everything happens for a reason. This reason was our reality of an ugly truth, an underlying mental illness evolving with maturity. Reality is, we just never know. We don't know as soon as we birth a child what their future holds. We can only hope it's full of joy and many successes. So with our somewhat new enlightenment's we're onto different avenues in search for help. Making necessary adjustments and adding more professionals. In the meantime it feels like damage control around here in hopes that our family members can understand, have patience and mostly everyone is loved unconditionally even if it seems we're caught up in different behaviour situations. When adopting and even having your own children, I hope that everyone is aware that it opens your life up to different challenges. Challenges that will sway from year to year with age. I'm definitely not the perfect parent, I'm still learning, I'm still crying but I'm always trying. Besides bulging swollen eyes, I chuckled tonight at our five year old son loosing his first tooth! He was SO thrilled, SO happy to put his first tooth under his pillow. He played with it in bed then started to cry. I asked him, "What's wrong?" He said, "The tooth fairy isn't coming because I lost my tooth!" He lost his tooth while playing with it. So my husband wrote a note: Dear Tooth Fairy, I lost my tooth, can you please still come tonight and I promise I will find my tooth and place it where it belongs. The tooth fairy will show tonight with brighter beginnings hopefully for tomorrow. Another great chuckle I had again tonight was our children spotted a friendly owl. The owl was just sitting there, watching our children play. One of our sons was beneath the owl.....the owl repositioned itself on it's branch and pooped! It was classic, I laughed....but there wasn't any sweet revenge, the owl missed by an inch! It was funny regardless and sometimes that's all a parent needs. A little chuckle and a reminder to take one day at a time. Just like the tooth fairy, she'll be here tomorrow.