Rascal Flatts - My Wish

http://youtu.be/4irLbcFfpYU

For every child...........

Pay it forward

A pay it forward story. Our oldest sons' girlfriend, her sister and her mother attend these monthly gatherings. A pay it forward group. Where everyone attending puts in $5.00 into the pot. At the end of the evening, everyone picks out a rock. The one that gets the rock with a red dot, gets the money in the pot. Then they have to spend that money on someone else. Someone in need. They picked our daughter, her boyfriend and their baby to purchase everything seen above. I was very touched. Touched enough, and love the idea so much that I've joined the group.

I've been besides myself with gratitude. Before this lovely family came by (seen above) I had a friend stop in dropping off squares, books and sentimental items that I really was in "awe" over. Before that my Father and Mother stopped in meeting their great grand baby. It was a busy day of endless support.

Then I heard from my oldest daughter that is currently traveling Central America. I was hiking up Notch hill when she messaged me. She was looking at Mexican homemade baby slippers. She was acknowledging her younger sister and mentioning she's an Auntie. I was shocked. I've been letting our family and friends absorb our new enlightenment's at their own pace in hopes we can move on peacefully. When I realized my oldest daughter has accepted her sister back into our lives, it was not only relieving but once again, I felt a sense of peace within me. I remember when the three of us, (myself and my two oldest daughters) would lie on my bed watching Grey's Anatomy eating popcorn together. Everything lately has been bringing tears to my eyes.

When you adopt, everything changes. You loose friends, you gain friends, your family dynamics change. It's not an easy path. It's not easy for anyone especially all the children involved. I'm speaking from my own heart and experiences but what I've seen through our challenges, -  it's definitely challenging but there is a light. My children have shown me that. I'm a proud mom today. I'm a very appreciative mom and in "awe" for all the support, and thoughtfulness. This is the way the world needs to move - forgiving, and paying it forward everyday.

At the top of Notch hill today I revisited the little grave. I carried up different rocks, shells and one of our sons wanted to place a little heart he made. He said to me, "I hope it's still there when we come up again" Another "awe" moment to end this weekend. My son just then showed his respect. I have great challenging children. The lights at the end of the day keeps my heart pumping.

We all should be paying it forward - what can you do for someone today?

Celebrating a life born......

As busy as life is......I still wouldn't change a thing. I'm actually so glad that my personality, my drive within me remains active, organized, routined, fully structured with extreme patience. Without those abilities, I wouldn't suggest having my life! My first granddaughter is amazingly perfect. I'm not being bias either (honestly) I'm throwing a baby shower April 27th. If you didn't receive an invite and would like to attend, please contact me. This is a time to celebrate a life, and a new beginning. Please join us if you can!

An open hand

Honestly I shouldn't be writing right now. I've been up a long time. I apologise now for all my writing mistakes. Before I could get a good nights rest I wanted to announce that my husband and I are officially grandparents as of 9:34am Tuesday, April 9th of a beautiful 7 pound 12 ounce baby girl! It was an experience I will never forget. Assisting and supporting my daughters birth. Her and her boyfriend did amazingly well. It was a time I will always cherish, not only to be a part of a miraculous birth but to witness a young couple in love, embracing each other, supporting each other and including me in it. I felt very honoured. All day from Monday morning until Tuesday morning we were together, hour after hour. Tears from emotions we shared, comments from different moments spread amongst each other, it was truly a bonding time between my daughter and her boyfriend. Then came the baby. All I can say is, "Wow" She's a beautiful little girl. What was more beautiful then her, was the love I seen between her two parents. The love we all shared being together. Several hours after the birth I made a speech, slightly slurred from the lack of sleep and I said, "You know....it's been a rough road. Perhaps choices have been backwards, but I truly believe you're both on the right path. Education might not come first. Mine didn't either. As long as you have goals, and work towards them - you will succeed. I'm proud of you. Be honest and true to yourselves and everything else with follow" When I left, (while alone driving home) I just cried and cried and cried. All my own emotions hit me. It was flashbacks from the beginning of meeting our daughter for the first time, to experiencing our challenges, days of feeling helpless, to witnessing my grandchild's birth knowing I was wanted there, as I really wanted to be there too. Where we took each others hand, and moved on knowing we were indeed connected forever. This experience for me was much deeper then just a child born, it was a new beginning for everyone. I texted our old adoption worker thanking her again for my daughter, and for the rest of our children. They've enhanced my life more then anyone knows and that's why, I will always have an open hand to hopefully guide and support. And most importantly, everything is going to be ok - the path isn't meant to be taken right all the time - the wrong turns and dips are life experiences that educate us. Even the best of us need those reminders. I did....... and thank you God for my own lessons learned and allowing me to have an open heart and hand to grasp on what feels right.

I can't see my screen anymore - that means I'm not only slightly slurred, I've progressed to slightly blurred too! So this happy grandmother is signing out for tonight. Leaving you with this, for the first time ever, I whispered into my grandchild's ear, "Grandma loves you" Then immediately following, "That was weird!" I will get used to this too..................then while walking into our home I was called, "The Grandma Mom" That is also very weird but works. I have a few new names that I can adapt too that aren't inappropriate slang. Yeepee!

Respect

The last few days have been busy with birthdays, (we have four children turning 13 within a few months) and my lists of endless appointments and chores to do. I've tried to write several times drawing a blank. This doesn't happen very often. I guess waiting for my grandchild to be born, while baking up storms, and endless grocery shopping I have a lack of words. I've been up my little hill (Notch) several times, I even re-arranged the grave that still exists. It looked like someone disrespectfully knocked it around. One thing that really bothers me is people that destroy others existences of being there. Like Inuksuks. I love building them, leaving them for others to enjoy knowing that someone was in that area. A landmark. Inuksuks for me teach me patience, when walking away after hours of balancing - I always hope others would recognize the amount of time and most importantly that someone took the time to say, "Heh I was here" instead of destroying it in less then a few seconds kicking it over. Soon I will bring flower peddles and show my respect to this little grave. It's probably someones pet, regardless what it is - respect it will get. As I continue with my own hour a day with fitness, changing my eating lifestyle while continuing to cook and bake for my family - I'm always feeling successful at the end of it. My own way of respecting myself. No big news in this post. We're doing really good considering our large dynamics and with that - we're always working on respect for everyone and everything.

"Respect for ourselves guides our morals, respect for others guides our manners" - Laurence Sterne.

Anything muffins!

We're moving on into a new chapter of life, so my posts are shifting. (It's about time) I've been changing my lifestyle lately with more exercise, and on what I consume. Lifestyle changes aren't easy especially when I'm the only one doing it in my home. Before I deleted 200 plus posts years ago, I was sharing many recipes that I cook for my family. I was introduced to this one recipe that I've tweaked to accommodate not only breakfast, it can be used for lunch and dinner. It's quick, easy and pre-made. I love the idea and I've been using it often! It's all about muffins!

For Breakfast:  Vegetable Egg Muffins

Egg muffins - in a bowl, mix 4 whole eggs, 14 egg whites, basil, oregano, salt & pepper, 1/2 diced red pepper, 1/2 shredded zucchini, 2 shredded carrots and 1 onion or scallions. Preheat oven, coat muffin tin with a little oil to prevent sticking. Fill muffin tins 2/3 full with mixture. Bake 30 minutes at 350 or until muffins are golden brown. All pre-made muffins can be refrigerated and reheated.

Or, Bacon and Cheese Egg muffins - same idea, use either egg whites or whole eggs, or both, add chopped bacon and shredded cheese. Experiment, add onions, garlic and switch up your recipe, anything goes according to your taste buds! This is an easy breakfast pre-made the night before for your children before heading off to school! Hamburger Egg Muffins, switch the bacon for ground hamburger!

For lunch or dinner, Black bean muffins - blend, a cup of black beans, 1/4 whole wheat flour, 1/2 cup shredded carrots, 2 egg whites or whole eggs, 1/4 cumin, salt & pepper, 3-4 cloves garlic and 1/2 onion. This makes 3-4 muffins, double or triple recipe for more. Oil your muffin tin, add mixture and bake 30 minutes at 350 or until golden brown. This recipe I used in a tortilla. Once cooked, I chopped up muffin and spread over a tortilla with salsa. It can also be used in a hamburger bun instead of the beef patty!

The above picture is the black bean muffins. Remember, you can experiment, mix anything into a egg mixture, spices, any food ingredient and make muffins out of it. The beauty about muffins - there is hidden ingredients that your children will never know of. And depending if it's a breakfast muffin, a lunch or dinner muffin - add sauces accordingly like ketchup, salsa or sour cream. Eat as is, or add a side dish or make it into a wrap or vege burger! They're also easy to pack for picnics or into your children's lunches! I love love these "anything muffins" what I call them! Anything goes - experiment and come up with a delicious full meal muffin for any occasion! Bon appetit!

What's right - "It's called, Love"

Since we've been home, we've been busy. Busy organizing life and repairing relationships. We did manage however to wrap up our spring break in Tofino!

Still no baby news. Which is good because it gave us more time to prepare! Since the arrival of my daughter being back home, I've noticed many mixed feelings. Our children warmed up very quickly. Inside our home it's very welcoming and forgiving for the most part. Although outside our home (with other people) they're questioning why on earth would we choose to take on and support our daughter, her significant other and their soon to be baby. Here is my answer.

I was seventeen when I had my first child. The circumstances were different although my mother supported me with my boyfriend. She housed the both of us until we were stable enough to not only parent but to support our little family on our own. I know first hand how hard it is to jump into motherhood with a brand new baby being a teenager. Not only that - I know I needed my mother. My baby at the time was in good hands with all the support I was given. When I flew East not even thinking about bringing my daughter home, (just to support the birth) - within those few long days I knew I couldn't leave them to manage on their own. I know the past few years were difficult while they were running having the time of their lives, but I also had a sense that that time was now over. A new chapter was beginning and I needed to do what's right. I never stopped loving my daughter while away. I was hurt and angry but my love never dwindled. I seemed to long for our relationship to somehow be corrected eventually. I found out my emails to her were blocked from birth members. That's why she never responded. She followed my blog religiously everyday. So my only last attempt was to bring our personal trials public through here, so she can read onto how much I still loved her, what she meant to me and that I'm no longer angry. I ask everyone that feels upset by our decisions, "Would you do anything differently?" "Would you continue to feel angry with no forgiveness to never see your daughter or grandchild again?" Continue to worry what the future holds for them, for their baby while doing nothing. I can't. When I'm angry I feel within those moments that I can move on and forget but when reality shines on me - I need to do what's right, what I feel is right for everyone. Not only for them but for our whole family. For peace. So I write explaining our choices in hopes that others can move forward too, and if not - I am deeply sorry and understand because out of anyone - I was there grasping for the understanding and forgiveness myself too to move on. I can't write enough that life is too short and to follow what's right within your heart regardless what others think - trials and challenges are there for a reason, perhaps to teach us to forgive. Like me. If you're having trials, please inbox me - I have some hopeful answers because I've been there with no hope. In conclusion, I am proud to say I'm looking forward to the next chapter being an active grandmother and mother supporting my daughter into her next journey of life. It's called, "Love"