The shift

Today my oldest daughter and her boyfriend treated me out to lunch. She's been living in Vancouver. It was a quick but nice visit. Its a triangle of emotions being a mother of now adult children that have left the nest. A transition that has to happen to continue to have a healthy happy relationship between each other. Regardless if it's exciting for our adult child to leave, it's difficult nonetheless. A huge shift and change of responsibilities. It becomes apparent very quickly on how important family and parents really are. My oldest daughter is now twenty four. I remember every year and it's a bitter sweet feeling knowing that my job as her guardian is now over. I'm still her mother taking a step back, allowing her to lead her life, make her own mistakes and I'm here for when she needs me. We have four adult children now. I feel confident that my husband and I have done everything we could to support, protect and allow experience during their child/adolescent years but it's also hard to take a step back. I'm learning. Our parenting might be over for these four, but we still have twelve more to raise keeping us busy. Sometimes I visualize having only three to six children and what our life would look like right now in comparison. I would be working outside our home, and more likely traveling.....then that vision disappeared while feeling blessed knowing I get to continue raising children and witnessing what great adults they will become. Regardless of the challenges, the frustration and the ongoing cost raising children - I honestly would be lost today without my twelve that still need my guidance. After a few months not seeing my oldest daughter, we sat across from each other as adults reminiscing. I left proud. Proud of my daughter. Proud of myself. Now embracing a new chapter, (a new chapter for four) and a continuation for twelve more. My husband and I successfully raised four to adulthood so far and we're still sane! lol Us parents never take credit where credit is due. Today my feelings of sadness shifted to feeling a congratulations was in order. We might not have an astronaut or a heart surgeon but we have healthy happy adult children moving forward and that's good enough for us. AND if my older children (adults) are reading....."Our dedication for you is from love" "It doesn't matter if I birthed you twenty four years ago or adopted you ten years ago, you were my babies from that beginning. You might be adults now but my love for you is just the same" We still have an adult child living at home but we've learned to step back recognizing that extended parenting and over-functioning isn't helping to develop the necessary skills for real life. It's actually very educational for parents to learn themselves on when enough is enough and "helping" too much can cause a lack of independence. It's hard when we want to support and show our love by over-indulging as a parent. I have learned this all on my own and it only took four adult children later! I now know that us parents (I am) responsible for the relationships I have with our adult children. If they continue to feel entitled, or they're being disrespectful - it's because I've allowed their behavior to exist. If we want change, and our adult children to step outside the nest, we guide and support them in that direction. I truly know that pro activeness is key to any situation. There was a time I thought none of our children would move out. Not anytime soon......but it eventually happens, it's healthy and we as parents have to let them go. My enlightenment today was its time to step back, allow our adult children to do things for themselves, to make their own choices, learn from their own mistakes, and to start building their own foundations. I know it's a lesson learned for me, and a difficult transition for our adult children to grasp that our roles shift, but it results in being that loving responsible parent teaching our children their own life skills. I gave my oldest daughter a hug knowing I might not see her for another couple of months, I walked away silent and proud.

Every day there's changes!

 

This is the time of year where I become semi-inpatient waiting for summer holidays. I start to look for meaningful excuses to start summer now. At the end of June I'm traveling with eleven of our children up North. I am traveling the B.C. loop visiting family and friends. I feel very confidant as the only adult attending this trip while my husband and a few of my children stay home and work. It will be a journey worth writing about! During our last month of school we're wrapping up IEP's, therapist's and doctor appointments. During our last week of May we're saying not "goodbye" but "Good luck and we will see you soon" to one of our educational assistants. She's leaving us after two years. She's starting a family of her own. We have grown with friendship and we can't wait when she visits presenting her new bundle of joy! As we start to shut the door for the 2013/2014 year, we are preparing to start the 2014/2015 year with many changes. New education assistants, adding another home schooling student. (I will be up to six homeschooling) Our public schools are changing, some are closing and other schools are changing their grades to k-7 then 8-12. Change is good. Besides schooling, therapists, doctors, sports, horse riding and music we have many changes happening at home. My husband removed more then 30 stumps, levelled out or yard developing more land. It's amazing how much land we have that's covered in trees, stumps and massive dirt hills from the previous building years before. Our surrounding deck is being enlarged and we're adding a hot tub. Not necessarily for joy use but for our daughter with Cerebral Palsy. So she can swim, and strengthen her legs in water (nightly) before retiring to bed. We have noticed she loves water, swimming and bathing. Our daughter will benefit from this type of therapy and I believe she will also sleep better at night. It's very exciting and a much needed feature to our home! We're busy but that floats our boat, and manages our fort - productivity not only becomes visible, it feels great! It's Friday again! Enjoy your weekend and if you don't have a project to finish, get one!

Productivity is never an accident. It is always the result of a commitment to excellence, intelligent planning, and focused effort.
Paul J. Meyer

Stairway to change

What is the absolutely number one most important word in our vocabulary that we all search for? It's the word that we want to happen every day the moment we awake. Everything we work towards, everything we strive for and teach our children on a daily basis equals what word? Happiness! So why is it so hard for some to accomplish or maintain? My most important mission is to make sure my children are happy, and to grow up feeling confident of themselves no matter who they've become, or what they look like. My oldest daughter told me that I was a good influence for my children and people around me because I teach them to be themselves and to indulge in what makes them happy. That's what's most important. I believe if it's healthy, and it's not harming yourself or anyone else - then live. I openly speak with my children all the time about being themselves. As a large family we have so many differences. Cultural, special needs, and interests. Right now I have my oldest daughter working and living in downtown Vancouver and she loves it! My second oldest son moved to Fort St. John and is now working in camps. He just recently bought his first brand new 2014 Toyota truck and he's full of tattoos. Do I care? Absolutely not. Can I, or will I judge? Absolutely not. What makes me happy is their happiness, and their strength to be who they are and where they want to be. It makes me feel I've done my job as their mother. I teach my children to be proud of not only themselves, but where they've come from and to be proud of their unique family. One fact I've seen with my children above all is they have compassion and acceptance for everyone. For differences. Regardless what the difference is. I hear too many people (from every walk) judging another and it's on my heart to educate that it doesn't matter what we look like, what we do for a living, where we live; only our hearts matter. Besides feeling confident with who we are.....the question will always remain, what makes us happy? For me it's being outdoors. It's hiking. It's experiencing and feeling educated. I'm happy feeling productive. Tonight my fifteen year old son and I accomplished 1,350 stairs within 30 minutes. We have been going to notch hill together. Any form of exercising releases endorphins that make us feel good, we feel happy. This is an hour a day I dedicate for my happiness that I spread to my children in hopes we all can conquer a lifestyle change together. During the stairs tonight my son and I met another man accomplishing 2,825 steps. He was explaining he was 230 pounds and feeling depressed, and unhealthy. So he started doing stairs. 565 steps twice a week. 1,130 x 2 the next week and now he's up to 2,825 steps 4 x a week loosing 30 pounds within two months. He also changed the way he eats, and he never eats after 7pm. After he shared his story while helping me inspire my son to do more stairs, he offered my son a flooring job and that he would teach my son to not only lay flooring but to help him with his lifestyle change. I found the one hour we were away bizarre. What are our odds meeting someone not only inspiring us with his personal life story but to offer future inspirations for my son! After all, children never listen to their parents anyways.....they listen to strangers. It was like God (or our universe) was looking down on us and presenting an opportunity in which my son needs! Opportunities, education (feeling important) equals confidence then happiness. It was a great hour. I've written a previous post called the "Golden Hour" I think that's the title. It has nothing to do about saving a life within that precious hour, it's about maintaining our life through happiness with an hour. An hour a day for ourselves is all we need while continuing to have a non-judgemental life, to accept everyone for who they are, to allow difference and to love each other as we're attended too - we all can live in harmony with peace and happiness. Did you know that judgement and criticism usually is activated because we aren't happy with ourselves? So to conclude - ask yourself, "Are you happy?" And if not, what will it take for you to change your life? To love others unconditionally? To love yourself!? To live as we are intended too? We are all uniquely different, all our answers to these questions are too.....the first step is to recognize our own faults, the next step is to work on change, then lastly to continue to step forward with dedication and commitment for not only our own happiness but to deliver it to others with acceptance, compassion and love. I've offered this before, and if you're interested (living in my area) and you want to join us with our happy hour on Tuesday and Thursday nights from 6-7pm we are conquering the stair endorphins, the other days are scattered hours to conquer the notch endorphins, please message me for timing. If this is not for you - figure it out and conquer what makes you happy. AND remember to spread that happiness around either by a smile, by paying it forward, and most importantly accepting every ones differences!

Coolest Mom & Dad's the Brick!

Before reading - "Warning" a wee-bit of a babbling post. When I was watching over the boiling beets and making sure the fettuccine alfredo noodles weren't sticking to the pot I starting thinking about my parenting, my life. I'm constantly supervising my cooking, and I'm 100% supervising my children. Then as I'm adding flour to the roast gravy, and laying fifteen plates down while asking my children to come in from outside AND explaining they're getting their hair cut as soon as they finish this magnificent meal; I reconfirmed on how multi-tasking and organization is a huge piece of my daily life being a parent. During preparation for dinner I could hear my husband outside with his drill building our daughter's wheelchair ramp. My husband is building this ramp for multiple use to include skateboarding, bikes and for our children to run up and down because he knows this will happen! Our parenting involves not only a high profile of organization, routines, structure and multitasking, it involves preventative future thinking. We are constantly thinking ahead for safety, and for preventative measures. It's like turning down the heat on the stove to "4" in order for the beets not to boil over. Whenever we build something new, go on a new adventure or step outside of our routine, we have to think ahead. Our parenting is what I call  "always a step ahead" Not only did I make lunch today, a made lunch for tomorrow. Not only did I make dinner tonight, I have dinner planned for tomorrow. Hair cuts were promptly after dinner followed by our children's baths with fair warning! This afternoon I slipped out to a friends, I was able to sit down for an hour and a half before leaving for my taxi-cab servicing. (I have multiple jobs like any other parent) My days not only consist of all of this, but it's full of appointments from doctors, specialists and therapists mixed with homeschooling, public school, sports, horse riding, swimming and piano. We have a dedicated full time parenting life. An interesting comment was made today at my friends...."We all have different lives and our lives are what we're used too" That's simply the answer on the how question. It's like transitioning after having a baby, or adopting a sibling group of five, life adapts and moves accordingly day by day. We become who we are, we continue to do what we're used too and that's what makes our world go around. That's what makes ours! Our parenting might be completely different then yours. Our life probably is but it's our path, it's our interests and our strengths. I know I write and post about getting outdoors, experiencing life, and that you can do anything. I believe that we all can do anything if we put our minds to it, but only if you're interested in directing your energy that way. My blog is merely only a peek into our life, I write in hopes to inspire, and/or to give a different perspective or enlightenment. I write to share our challenges with our triumphs. We are a unique family with unique parenting. We are very dedicated parents. I want to add a fact that I think works; especially when you have teenagers and young adults. This isn't for every parent but I do think this works for us. I have all the skills to run a household for twenty people with several needs and all ages. I am completely organized, routined, structured, (patient most of the time) I bake, cook, clean and believe in experiencing life, our outdoors and (like all of us) in education. Although I am down to earth. Easy going. I can bite my tongue while picking and choosing my battles. I make decisions for our family regardless what anyone else thinks. I am a "cool" parent. I have my rules and semi-expectations but I also try and understand the challenging situations that arise. My children and I have a child and parent relationship BUT my older teenagers and young adult children have announced, "I'm the coolest mom and dad's the brick" Meaning my husband can tackle and solve anything with not much notice. He's definitely a hero to our adult children and for me, maybe it's because I'm a tattoed cooking machine! lol Any how, if you've made it this far reading.....and you're now wondering why I'm rambling, it's because while supervising my dinner tonight, watching my children play outside, finishing the haircuts and the baths, I was thinking about what we all do differently. Why my life is the way it is. Why yours is so different then mine. The how!? My conclusion, all our different journeys head where our strengths are and strengths can be enhanced with dedication and change over time - ours is with children. Lots of children. I often wonder if my path will ever change direction (not from my family) but to enhance myself from what I'm doing now. I love embracing change, so we will see.

 Daily Meals

 Laundry night (we all fold and put away laundry together)

 

"Hole in the wall"

 Destination accomplished! 17 of us found the "Hole in the wall"

 My daughter and I crossed the river climbing to the other side!

 My husband and I loving life!

 My precious grandbabe!

 

Nothing should stop you from living your life. "Loving your life!" This long weekend our family ventured together in two vans. 17 of us conquered yet another memorable place we never knew existed until recently! The hole in the wall with a beautiful secluded swimming area. I love our world, and it's absolutely amazing what's waiting in our own backyards! #experience #love #live #family #friends #outside! My hash tags!




And this, our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything.
William Shakespeare
There are always flowers for those who want to see them.
Henri Matisse

A proud moment!

A proud moment is when your child that can't walk, can ride a horse for the first time! Pictures released! First what happens is horse care, feeding, brushing and then leading the horse............

 Next is putting on the hat and getting on the horse!

 Our beautiful little daughter laughs and loves riding!

 Feeling secure with her daddy by her side, she always asks to go "Night night" on the horse. A relaxing request she will ask on a daily basis.

 Riding the horse feels natural. Our daughter looks so small!

 Like a Queen, our daughter tilts her hat for the camera!

 Therapeutic Horse riding is the best freedom our daughter has ever experienced!

 

Our littlest daughter has Spastic Quadriplegia Cerebral Palsy with cognitive delays. She's fully dependant and currently is in a wheelchair. She hates being confined in a walker. Although she loves moving. Speed. Go-carts and bikes. Riding a horse might be at a slower pace but she's free and feeling as high as a bird. It's not just a proud moment, it's a beautiful moment feeling what most of us can not - it's to fly. I'm so honoured to be her Mother. My daughter with all her challenges shows us on how to live and to be happy with what is........

 

Note - proper harnesses (transfer belts) are ordered now that we know our daughter is comfortable around horses. 

Autistic Girl Learns To Communicate Using Computers

Next stage......

I'm going to get personal. For the past six months (give or take) I've been completely irrational for at least a week before my menstrual cycle. "Yes - I'm getting that personal" The reason why I want to share this is because throughout our lives we are going to experience new enlightenment's that are foreign and inexperienced. Sharing our personal stories and journey's help others. That's a fact. A friend of mine is starting menopause. She's in her early fifties. I'm not starting menopause although I am in the perimenopause stage. It's a stage I didn't know existed until now. I feel like I'm a teenager learning on how to wear a tampon. Any how I'm recognizing that I'm starting the stage where a woman's reproductive life (that starts several years before menopause), her ovaries gradually begin to produce less estrogen. Believe it or not, it usually starts in woman in their forties, sometimes woman in their thirties and they don't even know it. Perimenopause lasts up until menopause, this could be anywhere from 4-10 plus years. Perimenopause ends the first year after menopause (when a woman has gone twelve months without her period) I'm 41 and it's hereditary in my family for early menopause. At first I didn't make the connection. For several months I've been extremely frustrated, with huge mood shifts for at least a week before my menstrual cycle. Not the normal mood swings. It's thoughts of doom and dread, you're questioning your life, anxiety, insomnia, fatigue and feelings of sadness, sometimes madness - loosing control. Unexplained weight gain. I mean the list goes on.......People around you think you're going crazy. (Especially your husband) You can think you're going crazy. It's very hard to control your emotions even knowing why you're feeling this way. This is my new enlightenment - I am a perimenopausing irrational woman! There's nothing my doctor can do. It was more like a chuckle on his part. "Welcome to middle age!" I have to put up with bloating, breast tenderness, headaches, and memory lapses! After my friend and I discussed womanhood, she wished me luck because her perimenopause stage lasted over ten years and she struggled emotionally and mentally every month. Her suggestion was to not only recognize when the moods swing but to "try" and control, and she swears on taking Dong Quai. Dong Quai is considered the female ginseng because of its balancing effect on the female hormonal system. My friend explained that it helped her mood swings. So guess what's my new herbal medicine drug of choice is!? "Dong Quai" Now I have to learn on how to achieve balance with this perimenopausal rage I have been experiencing every month. It appears out of no where, and you feel totally different with emotional outbursts. For a lack of better words - It sucks! In a way it saddens me. In another way I know I'm not alone. With education and support I will learn on how to adapt with this change and maybe after my doctor is finished chuckling, he can suggest other medications that will save his life! (Just kidding)

 

"Mother's Day"

 

 

Fourteen years ago this Mother's Day I had a baby boy two months premature. He was our miracle child. He was my third and last birth child. My first baby was delivered by an emergency c-section. Then during my second baby's birth I had a uterine rupture where after ten centimeters dilated, being told to push, my baby came out into my stomach, my uterus ruptured from the first c-section I had. I remember every one panicking, I heard buzzers going off "code blue" I started to vomit. After that I awoke the next day with family around me. I was told that I was extremely lucky, that after the uterine rupture, I wasn't suppose to survive that night. I needed three blood transfusions. My baby from swallowing my own blood and struggled with the lack of oxygen remained in an incubator and was assessed for brain damage. He was ten and a half pounds. Miraculously we were both fine and left two weeks later. I received nurse support for a few months. I was so weak from so much blood loss. I remember feeling light headed walking from one room to the next. After my second child, I was told I couldn't have any more children. My tubes were burnt. From there I married my second husband who had no children. My husband said it didn't matter to him to have his own birth child but it bothered me. We found a specialist that said we could try and have one baby. We went to Vancouver where they repaired only one fallopian tube. The other side wasn't repairable. I also found out I wasn't ovulating. So I started taking fertility drugs. To conceive my chances were slim but a few months later I was pregnant. My pregnancy was great up until I was approximately five months along. I was told I had complete placenta previa where my placenta was covering my cervix. I needed to be on strict bed rest. Around six months pregnant my uterus started weakening and the amniotic fluid started leaking through my previous c-section incisions. I was then hospitalized. A few plus weeks later my placenta started hemorrhaging. I couldn't carry our baby to full term. Our son during Mother's Day weekend was born two months premature weighing six pounds. Our baby boy remained in the hospital for three weeks. I pumped breast milk every three hours, we learned together to breastfeed. I breastfed for 27 months. He was our miracle baby. A baby we were told not to conceive, that we were taking a risk with not only my life but his. Fourteen years ago on Mother's Day weekend we were given a gift, a baby boy named Joshua. Mother's Day for me is an appreciation. I am so thankful that I was able to birth children, and we were able to adopt. Children have transformed and enhanced our life. I do recognize and feel for other individuals that can't have children, and/or are waiting to adopt, and/or have lost children. Mother's Day is not only a day to honor but for some, it's a day of grieving. Regardless what Mother's Day means to you......I wish every one peace within your hearts.

A wild animal encounter!

My eight year old and fifteen year old sons and I had a near wild animal encounter today at Notch hill. Approximately half way around and exhausted from running we heard the crackling of tree branches in the bushes. I stopped and turned towards the noise. I stood there screaming loudly, and deep as if I were a man! I told my sons to come close to me. I was prepping myself to jump on this animal and fight. Within seconds I envisioned me protecting my children, I was ready to be attacked while attacking, thinking to go for the animals eyes. It was a weird few moments of thought. My eight year old was crying. My fifteen year old was stating he was having a heart attack. It was minutes of preparing to kill or be killed. The animal was huge, light brown in color and was moving fast, straight towards us. Once I had a better glimpse of the animal, I screamed even louder....it was only steps away from us. I thought for sure there was going to be a boxing match. Then it turned to the right while running off into the forest. Chasing after it was a dog. It was so scared it didn't even see us. My older son starting yelling at me, "Mom, you almost gave me a heart attack!" My poor eight year old sobbing was glued to my side. While finishing our journey through Notch Hill I explained that I saved our lives. It doesn't matter if it wasn't a cougar. What matters is, we stood our ground, and we frightened the animal towards a different direction. I asked, "Haven't you watched those deer attack clips off of YouTube!?" They can be vicious! One kick to your face, you will be scarred for life! All kidding aside, we didn't notice it was a deer until it was almost on our footsteps. It was scary and what it made me realize was even when we weren't prepared for an attack, my adrenaline kicked in, and with some common sense to remain calm; while screaming and acting like a crazy giant ready to kill, it was exactly what I needed to do. Our wild animal encounter was accomplished safely except for my sore throat! While finishing Notch Hill we ran into the owner of the dog. She asked us if we knew what all that noise was about.....I was hesitant to explain, then I said, "We were screaming at a deer thinking it was a cougar racing towards its prey, my eight year old" Then she said she knew me. She was my moms neighbour. If my mother doesn't think I'm crazy now, she might after hearing how I startled her neighbour on Notch Hill!  The three of us all started laughing hysterically. Especially me. I should have known how a deer runs through the bushes, crackling every branch like a clumsy ox while a cat is so quiet and stealthy. Regardless, better ready then sorry... the next time it might not be a dog chasing a deer, it could be a cougar.

This, that & May 10th!

I don't know about you but our weekend was productive! Friday night it was one of our sons' twelve birthday. It was a bowling bash! Saturday we split up. My husband and four of our boys went to the grand opening of the races, while I dropped off another four at the movies to watch the Amazing Spider- man. Then seven of us went grocery shopping while another spent the night at Grandma's house. Sunday was a great productive day. Our oldest daughter recently moved to Vancouver. So her room was claimed by "me" as my office room. Where I can work on anything - (written in previous posts) including Christmas! Yes, I'm getting a head start! There's lots of shifting and changes going on. Change is so good for every ones soul. Our oldest daughter is extremely happy residing in downtown Vancouver. Our second oldest son still remains in Fort St. John and plans on purchasing ten acres to build his own home. Life is evolving. As their mother, it's exciting to see their lives shift. Monday, eight went swimming (it was a pro-d day) while I had meetings to plan our 2014/2015 homeschooling year. Our home school is amazing. Today I learned that for next year our sixteen year old son can have personal fitness training and personal driving lessons. The possibilities are endless and that's what a school should be about - the possibilities! I love our home school! Besides the regular responsibilities and endless changes, I have been finding that hour a day to hike Notch Hill. The weather (even with the rain) has been spectacular! I don't have any inspirations, nor any enlightenment's during this post BUT I do have a reminder!

"This Saturday, May 10th at 4pm is our family potluck event! Bring a dish to share, bring tons of children, invite family, friends and come out! Meet other families, support adoption, support family. We hold these events twice a year to bring all of us together, however we became family - we need to celebrate it! Please RSVP me for more details, it's an event not to miss!"

Frustrating moments - "Keep your love on"

Happy Birthday to our twelve year old son today! Birthday's are a regular party around here! Now.... I have to express on how happy I am it's Friday! Not only is it Friday, it's a long weekend for us! No school on Monday! I have been so busy with our dedicated responsibilities that it reconfirms how important our time off is! Ha ha - time off from "those responsibilities" but our life is a 24/7 job maintaining our home, our family and continuing to live through experiencing! So taking the time, even if it's an hour a day for yourself is a must. Taking the time from the regular routine with your family is a must. (This truly is what makes our world go around) There is many times I'm feeling frustrated with something, and I contemplate my life during those moments asking, "Why!?" "What am I doing!?" or "What should I be doing!?" "How should I change this!?" During these moments of uncertainty and question, I re-evaluate everything around me. I think about my past, I think about how far my husband and I have come. I look for the positives even within those moments of frustration. There is so many positives surrounding our questionable lives. You're probably wondering where I'm going with this? I awoke feeling refreshed, and excited that it's Friday after a week of frustrating moments. YES - I can have frustrating moments in my life. (Not exactly sure why - lol) but they exist! I can't express enough that if you're going through something, it doesn't matter what it is - look around you, concentrate on all the positives. What can you find positive out of a negative situation?  Ask yourself, is this frustrating moment going to last the rest of my life? Most moments don't last forever and that's why it's called a "moment" and ultimately you're the one that controls it. I've been reading this book I borrowed from our educational assistant called, "Keep your love on!" with connection, communication and boundaries by Danny Silk. Keeping your love on is a mindset, like with anything within our thoughts, what we're thinking, feeling and/or experiencing, it all boils down to how we're going to internalize and outwardly express it.  Once you are completely aware of first recognizing your frustration, and understanding that frustration situation is only a moment, and reconfirming your positives, your life that circles around you will change. Once this force begins, it will build momentum in you life. You will be able to fully understand all your questions, and to do just about anything in your life. We have the power to change how we feel. This is what I've been learning for years although it's a constant identity (power) to always be aware of. I'm completely guilty forgetting while being frustrated within a moment - and that I have the power to create a different feeling, and atmosphere! So here I am still learning through my own experiences, and my own frustrations - frustrations that I can control within myself. "The situation maybe not so much" but on how I internalize, and on how I react I control. "Keeping your love on" is an excellent book to continue to keep reading, Danny Silk states, "Adults and children alike thrive in healthy relationships where it is safe to love and be loved, to know and be known. Yet for many, relationships are anything but safe, loving or intimate. They are defined by anxiety, manipulation, control, and conflict. The reason is that most people have never been trained to be powerful enough to keep their love on in the face of mistakes, pain and fear" AND this all starts with controlling our frustrations once we're feeling them escalate. In conclusion, I decided to write this post because we all live with frustrating moments. Challenging events. I want to reconfirm that no one is ever alone having questionable thoughts. "Did I make the right decisions?" "Should I be doing this!?" "What should I do?" Everything happens for a reason. Regardless if we make the wrong decisions, there is a light eventually that follows it. Now done with my babbling, it's Friday, a long weekend - the sun is shining for now! I feel refreshed because we're alive, and that in itself is something to be positive about. And remember; practice controlling on changing how you feel before reacting, "Keep your love on"