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Friday, June 28, 2013

A brighter end

Here I am sitting outside of a public pool where one of my sons is celebrating his thirteenth birthday party. I'd say, "easy party" It released some time for me to blog. Now that summer is officially under way my posts will become less for the next couple of months. We have tons of camping planned with no internet access! We disappear or try too with twenty people, (some that scream) and three dogs! Wrapping up all our loose ends this week feels good. I'm in this state of disbelief it's summer. I'm not sure if the weather has anything to do with it or the fact that I've been so busy wrapping up appointments and life in general has made me so I can't absorb that it's summer to begin with. It's been an emotional week for me. (Probably many others) The end of school seems bitter sweet. In May I want school finished by the beginning of June, then while in the process of wrapping everything up and waiting for this day of change, it's hard switching my brain towards what's next, it seems foreign to me this year..... This is where my post is shifting, hopefully making some sense onto why this end of June seems somewhat foreign. Having a large family creates many different professionals in our lives. Many that I appreciate or have learned to appreciate. As a 40 year old mother of 16 with 1 grand baby I'm still learning. I feel everything that my husband and I deal with that is challenging, we are educated by it. Experience is truly the number one lessons learned and education well deserved. No book can give you the life skills and lessons that we need to survive happily and successfully in this life. I feel confident of my role but because I advocate for our children, for our family and for adoption so much, I feel I wear my heart on my sleeve. I don't always agree with some professionals or some individuals opinions. Years ago I would hibernate my feelings, let what diagnoses or opinions be but now with my own experiences, I can rightfully and honestly correct what normally I would allow. What bothers me most is some individuals seem to think that I'm not the mother of our adoptive children, that I don't know what I'm talking about, it's a regular occurrence and it's infuriating. The end of this school year I was emotional for several different reasons. One reason is because there was at least a handful of professional people in our children's lives that I felt connected with - finally. I felt an overwhelming of appreciation for these individuals because not only did they treat me as my children's mother, they communicated with me like I wasn't an idiot. "Heh, wait a minute, this mother of 16 children knows something, she's not just crazy!" I even had a parent say, "You must hear you're crazy a lot but I'm not going to call you crazy, I think you have a heart full of love" Someone like me usually comes across all together, tough on the outside, almost unstoppable. This week I stopped and I cried a lot. I cried for many reasons but the one I'm writing about now is just appreciating people that appreciate me. Surprising to you or not, it's not something that I feel - appreciated. I feel on guard and explaining our life's choices all the time, then re-explaining with sometimes just blank looks of not understanding or opinions that come from left field. I'm always advocating for our family, and for our children. Most of the time I enjoy educating people but sometimes it just feels like a endless battle, and especially with some professionals. So being the first day of absolutely no school, I'm reminiscing my feelings. Re- surrounding myself with the understanding, and for the compassion for even the people that don't or won't understand us or appreciate the fact that our choices within this life are good, or at least are meant to be. The end of June is foreign this year because finally I can say, "Finishing this year of school seemed more emotional then the past years because I truly felt appreciated as the mother of my children from professionals onto whom I value their opinions" It's one thing being a mother of 16 children constantly advocating who we are, why we are who we are within our community and how we can be who we are while sometimes feeling weighted down by continual judgement, it's another thing treated like I'm not my children's mother. So I completely appreciate, and I felt almost in a foreign land feeling appreciated by people that mean something to my children and I. Concluding, I believe it takes a community to raise a child, and I felt that to end this year. For a mother of many children that continues to advocate her role within our community, it's coming along and looking a little brighter.

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