Sunday, February 24, 2013
Fight for health and courage to survive
I contemplated writing. I'm tired. Since Friday, our weekend changed. Our second oldest son with his lung issues came to us with severe pain after a bicycle accident. He feared (we feared) that his lung collapsed again. His lung surgeon is in Victoria, so we went to the hospital where his previous surgery happened. A few hours later we learned he had a chest contusion. Bruising of his chest wall, his lung so far looks good. So he's extremely lucky but extremely sore nonetheless. Heading home he felt sick, I rolled down my car window and that's when his pain medication prescription flew out the window - the start of our weekend began............
Our one daughter started coughing on Thursday. The coughing escalated adding gagging with the occasional vomit. Then the fever started. She stopped eating and drinking. We were back syringing fluids. By Saturday night she started to worry us. Another trip to a different hospital. Three hours later we found out she has aspirated pneumonia and an ear infection. Our poor baby girl. Night after night, hour after hour she awoke choking. There was one night I caught her choking on vomit. Lucky, she sleeps next to me in her own hospital bed. I'm quick to react. At the hospital for the second time within a day, I was quiet......tired. I people watched hoping nothing they had we would catch. Realizing people were watching us as my daughter choked on her own flem. I felt I needed to state my daughter wasn't contagious. Then I did......this opened up a discussion with another woman and her husband. She shared that she has stage 4 cancer. She fought and won seventeen years ago and now it's back to kill her she explained. I was so tired.....my eyes filled with tears and I said, "You have to keep fighting" A stranger in the waiting ER room......I felt I needed to give her strength, encouragement because she matters. Her husband was sitting there silent, sad and I could tell feeling hopeless. All I could say again, "You have to fight, you are worth the fight" We both departed ways almost at the same time. I don't know if I made a difference but I left feeling different. After long hours, worry, stress in two separate hospitals within two days......not much sleep......I left feeling thankful regardless. I was reminded that whatever we all suffer from - someone is always suffering worse. My pity party ended (slightly)
I also learned something else. Dr. Phil once said that we allow ourselves to be treated the way we're treated. So if we're treated horribly - it's our own fault because we're allowing it to happen. We allow it to continue to happen. It reminds me of a abused beaten woman who never leaves her husband. Yes the husband is guilty but we're only victimized because we allow the cycle to continue. This also goes for how we allow our friends and family to treat us. If we want respect, to be treated decently.....we have to be on our own game and direct it. For me, it's difficult. I know, I know and I know. I am a peace keeper. I don't like conflict. The problem with that is, I'm an easier target for being used and abused but I believe I'm getting better, developing a thicker skin and I can feel confident addressing the issues. This comes from being hurt many times over - experiencing is learning. More then any book can offer.
To end the weekend......our son is suffering immensely from pain. He isn't coping well, which could mean somethings not just right. Our daughter is very sick and we're patiently waiting to go to Children's hospital. I could go on........because there's more but this weekend was enough. We did manage to have our one sons 10th birthday party on Sunday afternoon.
Monday (Feb 25th) our oldest daughter leaves traveling Central America then she's officially moving. For this....I have mixed feelings.
This weekend is gone.........and that I'm also grateful for. Tomorrow is a new day, a new beginning to fight for health and courage to survive life. If you get too tired, fight with your eyes closed. I have.