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Monday, February 21, 2011

Learning by their own experiences...."Sigh"

We're coming into a time where we have adult children seeking their Independence. Struggling for answers on what to do with their future. Our eldest daughter is well on her own path with Dental Hygiene. We have two seventeen year old sons questioning what will they do? As a Mother I'm constantly tossing out ideas but if it isn't in their hearts to become a Highway Flagger then what? My husband and I constantly discuss the future. The future is here for some of our children and we don't have any answers. Recently I suggested just take any job because employment is hard to find. I don't believe it's wise for them to plunk themselves into University unless they know that's what they want to do or they can do it. Take time to decide. There is so much pressure on young adults I've noticed that it's placing them up for failure. A simple job initializing their responsibilities and learning to save in a bank account should be first. Our sons have done this but they don't want to continue working, saving and remaining here. They don't want to grow up either. They are stuck. In all my years of being a Mother I think having children graduate and struggle with their lives changing is the most hardest. They boomerang in and out of our house. Slowly learning that the grown-up world isn't as easy as they thought. My idea for some of our teenagers was continue to work, save then travel. Travel and find yourself. When you run out of money, work, save then travel some more. With saying this not all our children can do this but the ones that can, travel. Settling for less, staying at the same job, possibly developing a family makes me think disaster. It will be different for everyone I know, some settle happily with what they know and feel comfortable with but when I'm listening to our teenagers so confused about their life, my heart says, "Experience first" With experience comes the answers. Being their Mother I don't have their answers. I have thoughts, my own opinions but mostly I sound like a nagging Mother. Heck, what do I know? My seventeen year old today wrecked his car. He didn't listen to us. He had all the warning signals and his belief was, "It won't happen to me" I remember having the same belief system when I was fourteen! So what wasn't going to happen to him, did. With experience I hope that his beliefs will change and just maybe, sometimes we are right as parents. Sometimes my thoughts, my opinions are only for their best outcome but I'm realizing that they have to figure it out on their own. Being a parent isn't easy. Even when we think our parenting years are over, they are never over. We're here to pick up the pieces and yes say, "I told you so" Starting from having a responsibility such as a vehicle to trying to figure out their place in this world is going to be tough. I don't envy the young adults, I feel for them and hope that their life experiences guides them into the direction they want to be. Unfortunately some roads are rockier then others. After my husband towed our sons car home today, I HAD to make the Mothers speech. My conclusion and maybe not his; only experience is going to teach our son, not me. Another lesson I've learned with parenting is it's not just about the parenting, sometimes it's about the child learning the hard way. I often hear individuals blame the parents on why their child/teen/adult act the way they do. The correct and more logical thinking is we give our children the fundamental skills and "advice" to hopefully succeed in life but their path is lead by their own choices and experiences. The future; I can only suggest and hope for the best..........

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