I prefer "Etch A Sketch" for our children

You know what's interesting about the Internet? You can post absolutely anything. I wrote about Facebook before and I'm the only few people in our home that is allowed Facebook for several different reasons. These Internet sites that you can create your own identity I'm assuming is very self gratifying. Changing your name, developing new parents and siblings. Being married when that's completely impossible. Exchanging information, adding multiple friends that you don't even know because it makes you feel "popular" Realistically, who has 500 friends? These sites can be helpful for many different reasons but also harmful to some that abuse its intent of use. Like my blog for example. Am I a Mother of fourteen children who writes the truth coming from my heart? I could very well be fiction. I think our children really need to be educated before starting online communications. Reality isn't what it's made out to be and for our vulnerable children, they need to know that accepting a friendship request from a stranger online can be just as dangerous meeting them on the street. Children are communicating with potential predators. Mary Jane might be Bob Who-knows-who age fifty five wanting to chat, to see some pictures, to eventually meet. For a teenager needing or feeling they need friendships, Bob has potentially set the bait. We have a family computer sitting in the kitchen that's barely turned on. We usually use it for homework purposes. What we choose to allow in our home is the only protection we can provide. Otherwise what happens outside our home we can't control. I know some individuals think we're depriving our children, perhaps imprisoned with forms of isolation but to be honest, outdoor and physical interaction is and will always be best. When I was a child, we didn't have computers. I picked up the telephone that was connected to the wall. Stood there connected by a cord while my Mother listened to every word. I went out and socialized. There is a etch a sketch floating around on Facebook that writes, "When I was a kid, this was my computer" on the etch a sketch screen. Very true. What children/teenagers don't realize that the internet is a privilege needed to be used wisely. As technology continues to evolve, it's providing many excellent services and resources although when online messaging becomes the main source of communication, I think we're loosing the closeness of human to human interaction. I'm also guilty for texting instead of calling because it's convenient. Also with the teenagers these days, they communicate easier through texting then face to face. My husband can text on his dinosaur phone but that's completely it. He doesn't have Facebook, or any online accounts. He's actually quite funny on the computer while his frustration level heightens, you can hear him speaking to the computer as if it will comply. For me, I enjoy what the computer (technology) has to offer. I'm definitely not against it but as a Mother I like the simple etch a sketch screen where there's no harm behind it. At least until our children can treat it seriously and with caution.

"Light on"

I've heard, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" There's a very special side to our family that I'm honored to witness. Have you ever took the time to just watch and listen to what your children are doing? The majority of my time is just that. Watching different gestures, behaviours and our children's interaction with each other. I witness daily the compassion our children can have, the friendships built being siblings and it can be very admiring. As my children's Mother, I'm proud to see that our children are growing respectfully with each other. Accepting each other's differences and 80% of the time, I feel we're a tight connected family. We're a team mastering all odds with the occasional few misses and I feel very thankful that I've been given the chance to Mother all our children. When I think about our family, I think about our Adoption Worker. I can definitely rant about all the loop holes within our Government system although our Adoption Worker that has been with us from the beginning has built our family through adoption. She's basically the only worker we've been in contact with for over eight years. She knows us personally and she's been a huge support during every adoption matching process, placements and has been supporting us through different stumbling blocks. She's completely understanding, compassionate and very patient. (Very patient with me I'd might add) I truly believe finding the right Adoption Social Worker is key with having successful adoptions. I've told her many times over how grateful we are for her and without her, we wouldn't be the family we are today. Some people have a career to do, others take that career and make a difference. This is our worker. A passionate individual that does her career beyond expectations. I think there should be an award within the Ministry for Social Workers that have impacted and made a difference to so many lives. Through-out life, outstanding individuals should be recognized. Hero's are. When I look at our family, the hero here is our Adoption Worker. She has placed eleven children in a forever home, changed their lives regardless if they know it or not for the better. I'm very thankful to her foremost. The next beautiful piece is our children. It's just amazing how they've accepted us as their parents. I couldn't imagine the transition from multiple foster homes then being adopted without being hesitant about their place in life. I know some of our children have been hesitant but their resilience with this love that was just waiting to surface is remarkable. It's finally their place to belong, their home - their place where their story begins. Having a family, a stable home with no more moving is their saving grace. The picture above was taking quickly without much thought and it's one of my favorites. I find it to be so innocently personal and beautiful. My husband, a father to his new daughter sitting near the ocean. He's clearly showing her what I adore best, nature and she's so captivated by it. You can see her hand with excitement held openly in the air. The innocence of our daughter is so beautiful on a daily basis that I feel I need to make sure the world is provided for her. Mostly, I feel this for all our children. I just want the best possible future like any other Mother. That doesn't mean having a Doctor in the family, it means having a happy healthy child/adult child. We built our home for forever and I know a few of our children with special needs will be with us until death do us part. Crazy? Judging by the picture above it's a very honorable life we lead. Regardless of our challenges that arise occasionally, there is nothing more heart warming then our children's lives. (Their experiences and memories that we continue to build) I can respectfully hope that within their future we've given some fundamental skills, some love and a family where they'll remain as innocent and special as in the picture I love above. When I look at certain pictures, I tear. It's a reminder that our life is the best possible life we could have - a life with children. A smile I have is when our littlest daughter above sees the moon and she yells, "On" meaning the light is on. It's as sweet and simple as that. It's a whole world of heaven to her and that's something I will have to thank the higher power for - which is the gift of simplicity. And she's right, the light is on and life can be as simple as that if we choose too. You know, we're not crazy - we're far from that; possibly from another planet and I wouldn't change our family given the chance because for us, taking away isn't an option. We're meant to be family builders - that's our path we lead and I'm so thankful for it!

What determines a family too large?

I've been a huge advocate for adoption for over six years now. We've been involved with the Ministry for over eight. Now that we have a "large family" we have to advocate even more. When individuals hear that we have fourteen children they question why and how. The why is obvious, we love children, we love having lots of children. How? Now this is where it gets tricky. When a large adoptive family grows in numbers, that question becomes a stumbling block for most people to comprehend on how we function as a family. Each and every family is completely different on what they can handle. So for us, we have fourteen children. A 21 year old living independently on her own, an 18 year old that comes and goes independently, a 17 soon to be 18 year old that is graduating and wants to travel, also independently on his own. These are examples of just some of our independent children. We also have a variety of special needs. I often question, would we be denied a sibling to one or more of our children because of our "fourteen children" or because we have a variety of special needs? Right now, we know that there is two siblings in foster care (without a permanency plan) and one to be born. We aren't looking to adopt any more children. (Honestly) Although I truly believe that siblings belong together. (Unless the adoptive family couldn't possibly handle any more children) BUT if we could and were denied because of the size of our family, we'd be upset. Families need to be addressed individually and not by their numbers, not by their challenges but by their capabilities on what and how they handle their situations. Taking a closer look on the progress of their children and their milestones. Ultimately looking into the future - What happens when siblings are adopted out separately based on the decisions merely from wondering or asking, "How?" How might this impact the new siblings adopted within a large family? How might this impact the siblings already adopted? How will this family cope with more children? When they already have fourteen and many with special needs? Valid questions. My answers are, most are independent. Every family has challenges. Children within large families are already used to having many siblings, there won't be much impact. Every time we've adopted, our new adopted children adapted easy because of a larger family. They're accepted, unconditionally loved and welcomed. Denying siblings when there is a chance for them to grow together is not a solution. I believe it's creating a future dilemma. A future question for all the siblings involved. It's not about "How" anymore, it's about "Why" didn't you adopt me? I write about this because I know for many larger families it's harder to adopt. What's being missed is looking at the family........and actually agreeing (concluding)  "Some larger families cope with many children, with many special needs children" and "some families don't" I've written about dedication. When I think about adoption, the first word that comes to my mind is dedication. It doesn't matter if you have one child or seventeen, there is different levels of dedication involved. For us, our dedication is 24/7 and it's the life we've chosen. Many individuals (professionals) probably will never understand the whys and the hows but I also don't understand why some people choose to bungee jump either. That would be more of a pain in my neck then children! You're probably wondering what, how, when, why and where I'm going with this post. Basically I'm a huge advocate for adoption, I'm a huger advocate for large adoptive families because I know first hand that we work. Our numbers are higher, our challenges are higher but we if anybody know; what it takes to run a home with many children. A fact in which shouldn't be denied if a sibling/siblings need to be placed with their rightful family, their family that is already raising their sisters and brothers. A family that has shown they have the dedication to do so, they have the education, the resources, the experience and are on board with what's right. Eliminating the question "Why" for their children's future on why they weren't adopted with their siblings and leaving us answer on "How" we manage. That answer already exists if anyone is paying attention. In conclusion, long story longer - Large families definitely have the skills to add easily another child/children to their home. We shouldn't be booked marked that our capabilities are full because that's when I will care to differ and challenge a decision if denied a sibling needing an adoptive family when we're happily available right here.

'I love smoking!'

From the tub to the smokers, thirteen salmon are in the process of being smoked! It's a huge and messy job but my husband and I do it! After filleting, the salmon sit in a brine for two days consisting of brown sugar, course salt & different seasonings. Besides flavor, the course salt is used for curing the meat. The meat becomes tacky and then once heated it binds the meat with all the flavors. For years we've been using these electric smoke houses although our smoking production has become larger quantities. So as "talk" about preparing a garden with raised beds instead of a greenhouse, we're adding a home-built smoker that allows mass production. Our work list seems to continue to grow. (There is no end) One quote we live by is "Work smarter, not harder" Right now, our time frame for smoking thirteen fish in little smokers is two days! Next year it will be half that time! Smoking salmon is a tradition of mine, every year before Christmas. It's a tasty treat to put on platters and to make sushi with through-out the year. It's an excellent source of protein and a tradition fondly savored by our children. We just don't smoke fish. These little electric smokers will smoke absolutely anything. Shellfish, cheese, sausage, steaks, ribs, ham, chicken, turkey, you name it - you can smoke it! Depending on the size of your family, you can purchase these smokers in a Mini Chief, a little Chief and a Big Chief. They're very easy to use and it makes you smell deliciously wonderful! For me, the smells of smoke and fish combined would make anyone hungry! (Ha ha) This weekend I'm going to smoke prawns on shish kabobs! Cooking is a favorite for me. I love to cook. I love to make different ethnic foods and I'm willing to try anything new! This is a trait that is excellent to have with a large family! Our children's taste buds go wild when I'm cooking in my kitchen! OR they run away! Believe it or not, with all the work involved....smoking salmon makes me happy. The end results and because of my traditional time framing, it's one task closer to Christmas! My craft room is looking more like an elf room, Christmas cards will be sent out by December 1st, our decor will be up for the 24 day countdown coming up in three short, definitely quick weeks! I've been preparing for our annual Christmas party in my craft room - it's very exciting. I've written in a previous post that this Christmas will be very special, for the first time in many years, our whole family will be here on Christmas day! Christmas isn't about the presents, it's about being together because after all, we don't know what the new year will bring. Each and every day should be treated as if it were our last. So it makes sense to spend our time with who we love, who we have connections with as much as possible because we're not here for a long time. This is why memories I believe to be the utmost of importance and if we can provide the best of what we can with everything we do - at the end of our day we're happy. This week I love smoking and I believe our children love me smoking too! Salmon that is!

Home sweet home!

We're home! Camp Homewood is a wonderful place. Mainly it's the adoptive families that make it so special. We all can just be ourselves without explaining our lives on the "whys" of adopting. We all have something in common. We all seem to understand each other, understand our children and ultimately it's a place to have fun, enjoy every ones company and believe it or not, relax! I went alone with ten children. Camp Homewood's atmosphere and the dynamics allows parents to enjoy themselves too! All our children have friends and the picture above is our five year old son with his best buddy. When they're together, they're inseparable! Usually children will interchange time with each other but for these two, they were partners in crime for everything! During a group activity one evening I watched the two of them looking for each other to be partners. There wasn't any other partner for this pair! It's not only cute witnessing their interaction but their bond is naturally wonderful. This is one significant friendship that our children have through the adoption events we participate in. There is several friendships. Not only for our children, I feel so grateful to have so many wonderful friends through our adoption circle. Just supportive amazing people. I feel comfortable and that's the way friendships should be! Reflecting back, we had some great laughs. There is one father who has this fun personality about him, if anyone - he can make me laugh! I'm still smiling about how he made one of our sons do the jiggle over and over again by asking, "How is it done......?" "Are you sure that's how it's done......?" "Can you show me again?" Anyways, it was a "had to be there" moment to fully understand why it was so funny. Concluding, it's just a great bunch of families. On our way home I was extremely tired. When we arrived home, it was unpacking. Then I made nine lunches for school, cooked dinner, cut six heads of hair, bathed seven children that need more help then others. I cut my husband's hair. Made popcorn. Started defrosting twelve plus fish with a hair blow drier (kidding) Although over twelve fish are defrosting in our bathtub. If this week isn't busy enough, I'm smoking fish all this week! Now here I am, writing.......reminiscing while being sleep deprived! What's better then this weekend, is being home. To end this post I was telling a funny story this past weekend (at Homewood) about what happened to my husband while I was away for a few hours Christmas shopping on Thursday night. I come home and he's clearly frustrated with one eye closed. It was watering like there was something in it. I asked, "What's wrong with you?" At first he told me that I didn't want to know....then proceeded to explain that our littlest daughter vomited all over him so he put her in the bath. Not long after and without my husband's acknowledgement, our daughter pooped and started to paint lovely brown streaks up and down the side of the tub. So she clearly needed cleaning, the bathtub needed cleaning and while he was doing this, he somehow got poop in his eye! For him, it wasn't so funny although I'm still laughing. So when I arrived home he was still having the after shocks from the watering eye complaining that he might get pink eye! LOL After telling this story at Camp Homewood on my husband's behalf, the funny father that I wrote about above told me to take a picture of this book title and show my husband. It was called, "Thank you POO" (A Winnie the Pooh Story)When I showed him this evening, he said chuckling, "I had to buy eye drops.....it's still in there!" I was informed to tell him that the next time he bathes our daughter that he should be provided safety goggles, rubber gloves and a haz mat suit! OH home sweet home..................

"We're outta here!"

"High Ho....High Ho, off to camp we go!" Friday, Saturday and Sunday we're off to our annual adoption family camp. Camp Homewood. Our children are extremely excited. A camp where our children connect with other family friends, where they sail, horseback ride, try archery and rivalry, play sports at the bus barn, have fun on the obstacle course, do crafts, multiple different activities and prepare for a talent show. It's me and ten of our children with approximately fifteen other families! I might not get any sleep but it's all about our children. Well.......I believe I have some friends there too! While I'm away with our children, my husband is finishing flooring. It's his perfect opportunity to take advantage of an empty house! (I sure hope he dusts after!) On our way to Camp Homewood, we always visit Grandma and Grandpa. :) Their new Boston better be ready for some attention because we're coming! So.....this is a short, quick to the point post because I have some packing to do. This time I have extra equipment to pack! (A wheelchair, a rolling chair and a highchair) I wonder where that will go?! Have a great weekend everyone! We will!

"November is Adoption Awareness Month"

I've been questioning myself if I wanted to post this video I made of our family. I know that one or two of our teens might not like the fact they're captured in my blog and I struggled wondering if I really wanted to share my family. It seems like facebook takes over in that department anyways - my intent with this pictured video was to not only capture memories but it was originally prepared for adoption pre-placement purposes.  Every time we adopted a child/children I made videos like this one. In this video, some of us are missing but it gives you an idea what we'd send to our child/children before being placed. It's all about family. There is some pictures that aren't perfect but the truth is we're a group of people connected as a family. Family always starts with a parent/parents that care, that provide and support. From there, it really doesn't matter where we came from or who we are.....what matters is we're a family. November is Adoption Awareness Month and this is my contribution that adoption matters. (I hope my video worked) As you know we're a large adoptive family with fourteen children. From age 3 to 21 and every where in between. We have several different special needs, different disorders, attachment issues and mental illnesses. Our dynamics can change daily but something I know for sure is my husband and I's dedication as parents will always remain true. Adopting children isn't easy, it's a commitment that changes lives forever. Since we've been advocating for adoption, we've learned that it's not just for other Countries, it's within Canada, within our own Province. It's not just about babies, it's for all ages. I've learned that there is extreme adoptions that happen for young adults, nineteen years and over. Children that age out of foster care without a family, still need a family. A place to call home; too come home during holidays. It's not necessarily about financial support, it's just having a connection. Many teenagers seem confused about adoption which is understandably so. Eventually after those soul searching years, those years of just wanting independence comes the years of needing stable healthy parents to confide in, seek support from and be adults with respectfully. I can honestly write, as I've always written.......we have our challenges, especially with teenagers. I'm also proud to say, especially with our experiences with our oldest son. We're still his family. Two years of confusion, being lost and trying to find himself, coming and going (searching the birth family) He's moving back home. Now this is where adoption is challenging but this is also where our son has a family to come home too. Parents that care. So I would never write that adopting is a piece of pie. It takes an enormous amount of patience, understanding, education and heart break. Then comes the hardest part, forgiveness. If you have all these qualities, adopt. And remember that in our beginning we only wanted to adopt one boy, age eleven with no special needs. (That never happened) If we knew what we know now, we would have adopted what they call, "Severe special needs" from our beginning because for us, we're here for as long as life allows us. Children need permanency. A place to belong no matter what their special needs or age. So here we are with fourteen children doing the best we can. Our usual bunch with us is ten children as our older four are independently moving on. It's our life, we make decisions and choices accordingly on how we feel is the best way to raise our vulnerable children that have come from different forms of neglect and abandonment. Children regardless of their unfortunate pasts that need a future to look forward too. Children that innocently ended up in foster care because there was no other birth family able to care/nor want them during their childhood years, that's why adoption is so important. Us = different individuals forming a family through adoption. I will always be proud to say, "Yes they're all mine" because adoption isn't just signing of legal papers, it's taking on a parent role that was lost from their birth families for good reasons. For the child it's taking on a new journey, a new life with hopefully more positive results, to form a foundation so their futures will shift with having stable connections. So the cycle of children in care lessons because there is family involvement. As you can tell, I can ramble endlessly on why adoption is so important. It's about the children. It's about their future, our world's future and even just adopting one child is making a difference. Opening your heart, your home and be willing to not expect a child to attach immediately (perhaps never) nor be perfect because adoption isn't finding that "perfect child", it's giving love simply because a child needs it. Now what better month to call up the Children of Ministry and Families, contact an adoption worker and start the process then November, the Adoption Awareness Month! Now that I'm finished my advocating, I really have to get going.......and I've noticed that my video I wanted to share wouldn't download. So I apologise and perhaps there's a reason for that too!