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Saturday, October 4, 2014

Self love

I'm almost forty two years old. I have to say, "I love my forties" I feel confident. I'm not near perfect. I have troubles speaking and writing at the best of times. My memory seems to fail me. However I've embraced my curly hair that I dreaded all my life. I'm learning not to worry about everything. Most importantly I'm learning not to be afraid of judgement. Here is the truth. (I also believe this is truth for many) We live to please others. We want people to not judge but to somehow accept, understand and agree with our chosen lives. Well.....the world doesn't work that way. Even with our adoptions, we kept most secret until the finale because we were afraid of criticism. Afraid of peoples opinions. It wasn't, "Congratulations" It was, "Are you crazy!?" "Why!?" "Another one!" The negativity would fill our air of what something we waited so long for, something so exciting - a child - it was never a celebration. For us, it was a long exhausting ordeal that was finally forever. It was time to celebrate. We celebrated as a family. In ways keeping our life secretive was not only protecting ourselves from forms of criticism and judgement, it was enabling us to remain positive and protecting us from opinions that we didn't want to hear. Now I question, "Should we have done things differently?" I personally think it was for the best. Today our family is complete, and I'm not sure if we would be if we shared every detail. Besides our adoption journey, we are always faced with different scenarios. We are constantly surrounded by judgement. Having a large family. Having a multicultural family. Having children with special needs. Home schooling. ME! I am different. I have tattoos. In fact I love body art. Right now I have purple in my hair. Before it was blue. My husband's and I relationship is excellent for us although outsiders comment because we are also independent individuals. We travel without each other. Our interests are different. We believe in maintaining individuality. Life seems complicated when it doesn't need to be. So here I am now in my early forties with many children feeling pretty confident and finally;  it doesn't matter what others think. If we're happy who cares. I find it bizarre how individuals will invest so much thought on how one lives rather then focusing on what's more important, like the homeless, or the fact that we don't know what each day will bring us - life or death. For me, "right now" I have many future worries, including our littlest daughters' surgery. I honestly don't care anymore what others think. Until they walk my walk, take on my 24/7 days and feel my heart......the judgments, and the opinions do not matter. I feel good and at peace on who I am regardless my faults. You should too.........I write about living, and experiencing life all the time - in fact one of the greatest gifts you can give your child is self love. To be accepted regardless on who you become, or what you look like. This starts at home with the parents. For me, I'm open to accept my children with anything, they could be a pastor in a church, they could love the same sex, they could be full of tattoos and piercings, they might make me a grandmother at a young age. (oops been there done that) Nevertheless my point is, if they're not hurting themselves or others - I will do my best not to judge, but rather embrace their life, their love and their independence of being themselves. I want my children to feel this before they're in their forties.......that whoever they are - they self love without worrying of judgments. 


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