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Wednesday, December 8, 2010

"Remain stabilized and equal"


As I'm having my tea this morning I have recognized once again that we're always focusing on our behavioral children. I've always known this. I also don't like using the word "Behaviour" but it's the easiest way to explain their actions. It seems that for my husband and I we're constantly trying to either relate or curb some of our children's behaviours. Our time mostly is generalized towards this. What about some of our children that are relatively quiet and better behaved? Sometimes I find that dealing with different scenarios with the same key children take away from the ones that I call shadows. Now with stating this I'm completely aware who and why gets most of our attention. My husband and I always talk about how we can acknowledge our little shadows. A few years ago we started taking out certain children to dinner, movies and other activities that they might enjoy. It's still a excellent idea to do although we don't make it a habit just for our shadows, our other children that take up our time at home still need to be acknowledged in a positive way also. Usually that consists of the one on one "Mother" speech. It's quality time not quite like the others because my main objective is to council in my own way. Not to just listen but to hopefully in a repetitive way make some sense onto why life is the way it is. In our life with children with FAS, we're always trying explain everything in black or white, over and over again. Usually our morning consists of a speech in hopes our day will have positive results. Unfortunately once out the front door everything I talked about was forgotten. I'm back to square one but something we've accepted with raising our children is repetitiveness. I really really believe that if you don't have the consistency chaos could surface. For us, as much as our children can detest our rules, the future outcome will outweigh with positive results. (Hopefully) So it's worth to stay strong within how you need or want to raise your children because that's the fundamental skills they will remember come adulthood. I keep reminding myself our children won't appreciate and/or understand their childhood until into their thirties. With writing this we do see and have witnessed many glimpses of appreciation but for example; I now in my late thirties with children continually reflect back and remember different things that my Mother or Father did. I understand the "whys" on my consequences, I give my Mother full recognition for who I am today. Without my parents supervision, rules and yes some expectations on how I'm suppose to present myself in this world, I would be lost. So as much as our children can complain or even argue about our rules, from what I've learned from my parents stick. This is why repetitiveness doesn't bother me from one day to another because eventually my point on how to behave will be acknowledged. Maybe not now but later when life is most important, when our children are adults with children on their own. In the meantime, we continually move forward as parents they need. (Perhaps not want sometimes) Ha ha. We are always aware and circulating quality time accordingly for our children. Yes it's a fact we spend a lot of effort and energy on our more "behavioural" children but if you're like us, a larger family, remember the shadows. Don't leave anyone behind. And believe that what you're doing as a caring parent will pay off.



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