Saturday, November 20, 2010
"Our extended family!"
November 20th our first snow day was not only snow ball throwing, snowman building, it was go-cart ripping! We lost hydro for approximately eleven hours. Within those eleven hours we mostly slept. It's been a very exciting weekend and not because of all the white stuff. We picked up one of our Grandmas from the airport! This Grandma came to our family through adoption. She's two of our children's past foster parent. While adopting we've not only grown within our immediate family, we've grown within our extended family. We have Twelve Grand parents! Some known as birth and others known as adopted. For us we not only adopt our children, we adopt their past. With writing that it does have to be a healthy relationship. In adoption it's called establishing an openness with either birth family members or previous foster parents. Picking up our children's Grandma was extremely exciting for all our children because she's "shared" amongst our whole family. I even love her from the moment we worked together with transitioning our children from her home to ours. One adoption step that I believe to be very important is having a supportive, smooth and loving transition from foster home to adoptive home. We were very lucky to experience this with our first adoption. Our first adoptive children were in their Grandmas foster home for seven years before being placed with us. Can you imagine after seven years being moved? I completely understand the difficulty and sensitive nature that exists with all parties involved but with this transition it was a successful and positive move. This is because of the foster parent that is now forever a part of our family. She didn't loose her children she cared for, she gained a whole family with them. Each adoption transition is completely different and sometimes it's not beneficial to maintain contact with previous foster parents. Sometimes it's too difficult for the foster parent, the adoptive parents or the child/children involved. We've been on both sides of the positive and negative transitions. It's unfortunate because what it boils down to is the children and what's best for them. The best is having a forever family and parents they can call "Mom" or "Dad" A home that is permanent where they will never leave again. Having the ultimate best is being able to keep loving people from their past in their lives. Our second adoption we have maintained a relationship with one birth Grandfather and two foster Grandparents. People who are positive in our lives, that continue to love our children and understand the importance of adoption even when it was hard for them to let go. As I know one wanted to adopt one of our boys but was unable to adopt all his siblings. That's where transitioning can become emotionally difficult. Adoption is exciting but full of continued losses even from foster care. (One reason why we would never foster) Our third adoption was worrisome at first in regards to how we felt with boundaries and privacy coming from the foster parents. I was really worried wondering if we could continue with having an openness relationship but we were patient and understanding in hopes that our privacy would be maintained. They are wonderful people who now are our next set of extended Grandparents. We have them over for every occasion. I'm hoping with our next adoption we'll add more extended family members but only time will tell and on how it all play out. Right now it's just so amazing on how many people from all parts of British Columbia can come together and be a family through adoption. I would have never thought adopting children would not only bring us beautiful children but adding many loving, beautiful other family members as well! Now having another visit from one of our special Grandmothers was completely wonderful, honoring and really makes our family feel special that she's still a part of it forever!