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Tuesday, April 12, 2016

We just exist

Our weekend was good. It's nice that we can talk without hiding in the closet or stating we will talk later however later never happens because by then we forget. It was nice to just exist without cleaning up after somebody. We were able to get tickets to the ZZ Top concert. A couple couldn't go due to their child's illness which opened up an opportunity for us. Believe it or not, we have never attended a concert together. ZZ Top sounded exactly the same. Very talented musicians. We went out for dinner (as seen above) and just simply existed.  It's interesting looking back at a picture. We look happy and healthy. Honestly.....you never ever judge a book by its cover. ZZ Top was great to see however Gerald was struggling sitting, struggling standing and not only was he struggling physically, whatever is going on in his brain, he is on and off dizzy. Every day can be different. So while I (maybe we) were looking forward to getting away, that's all it was....just existing. His chronic pain is 24/7. The spinal damage he has affects all four of his limbs, and whatever is going on Neurologically, it's not only frustrating and exhausting for him, it is for me. So it's difficult. It's aged him probably forty years. Then there's me. 2015 was traumatizing. I knew my husband's recovery was going to be very long and difficult. I just never thought that it would change our lives like it has. I feel so sorry for him. He wonders sometimes on why I'm staring at him and I can't tell him that I'm deeply sorry for his pain and suffering because he also doesn't want to be seen this way. I waited and waited almost selfishly for this weekend to come. I wasn't sure what I was thinking......because his condition has changed our lives. A weekend away isn't no miracle cure. His life is a continual struggle not witnessed in any picture. No time away is going to change what is. Our stress. The tension on what's next. Our future. That question, "What does tomorrow look like?" We just remain hopeful and take one day at a time. Trying to remain positive. I hear many saying, "Keep positive, we made it this far" You're right, we made it this far but with a cost. So for now, we just exist......doing what we can do as each day comes with two thumbs up. 

Now lets get back to food! We had to cancel some outdoor field trips with our home schooling group due to weather. Seen below some of our kiddos made their own recipes using the dough I make. The dough is really easy to prepare. Then from there, you can literally make anything including bread, pizza, any food pocket you want, buns, cinnamon buns.....the sky is the limit with this yummy bread dough!

The dough is three cups of warm water. Two table spoons of margarine. Two table spoons of sugar. One table spoon of salt. Two table spoons of quick rising yeast. Two eggs. Seven to eight cups of flour. Mix and knead all together until smooth and snapping. Only add the eighth cup of flour if the dough is still too sticky. Let stand to rise for one hour. 

Our kiddos had a blast!

Koltyr and Zachary's Bun Shop!
 Emily's Buns!
 Byhonis Pie Crusts!
 Jenna's Zebra's Buns!
 Teesha's Apple Castle!

Food, in the end, in our own tradition, is something holy. It's not about nutrients and calories. It's about sharing. It's about honesty. It's about identity. - Louise Fresco


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