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Thursday, February 11, 2016

I can keep this ship afloat!

It's been a week. Again, I probably shouldn't be writing however when the urge hits (every writer knows) its like a pen meets the paper. Thoughts need to explode. To update my husband, he has had his MRI although we don't know the results yet. I do know..... when his left thumb clicks uncontrollably while having severe pain in his lower spine that something must be up. Especially when his inflammation levels escalated from 6 to 38.5!  We aren't out of the woods. Tomorrow, which isn't tomorrow anymore (Feb 12th) we are going ahead with his knee surgery. He is at high risk at this point and not because of the knee surgery itself but for complications and infections. A doctor asked us recently what's important to us..."Quality over Quantity" One may think this is a hard question but for us it's easy. It's quality. It's a very personal question and for me to write about this can bring up several opinions that honestly won't make a difference. I know for a fact that my husband wouldn't want to live without quality. There is so many things that people are unaware of that are happening. When a man that comes from a history of provision, hard work and values becomes broken to task and can't provide as planned is the worst mentally. You can't loose both. So when you loose it physically....then what? This is why the knee surgery is happening with risk. In fact while you're reading this, the knee surgery is probably over. Which leaves us hoping we bypass infection and that his MRI results gives us more answers. For me.... it's hard. I've always been the organizer, the parent that keeps everything rolling smoothly. I'm not someone that cancels however I have canceled on dates and it throws me off. I feel that I can't express myself. A - because I'm the strong one. B - because I can't add to the stress. C - I go back to A, I am the only one. So daily I watch look and listen. I keep everything afloat. Everything running smoothly on a daily basis. Is it hard on me? Yes. However I'm physically healthy and I have that strength for my family. I'm knowledgeable. I know I can also save a life. So we might not be or never be out of the woods but I can keep this ship afloat. And that's my only thoughts....that I can do this because right now, I am the only one that is. MRSA - Prematurely I feel we will beat you. If not, I guess we die trying.  Too conclude; I will post how we are doing when I can.....and to end, honestly - life is too short, please get out, enjoy it with each other and while you can! (Hugs to all)  

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