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Friday, September 25, 2015

"shhhhh" isn't in the vocabulary

OK SO......(I know you have heard some of this before) My husband and I have been through some challenging times with a serious medical condition. My husband is a sick man with MRSA that infected his whole body. Previously he was hospitalized for two and a half months. Surviving two episodes of sepsis. He had chest surgery to drain infection away from his heart. He now has TIA's (mini strokes) and has endocarditis. His spine is permanently damaged. I currently administer home IV meds, and watch over my husband with bouts of hypertension. He continues to have CT scans, MRIs, blood tests and medical apts. We run for medical supplies twice a week, and go for picc dressing changing once a week. Besides all this, I home school six, we have five public students, a preschooler, therapy apts, piano, guitar lessons, sports, adult children and a grandchild - well long story short, we are constantly on the go! Yes like a taxi service too! So why am I sharing, why am I posting a selfie saying "shhhhh" BECAUSE my husband and I lost "us" until recently, and being quiet isn't in my vocabulary. We recognize we are survivors and we hope to keep it that way! We started to go out once a week. We are rekindling our marriage, our relationship! We might have 16 children, many with special needs. We might have a medical crisis. We might be extremely busy! But we live DAY BY DAY, one day at a time. We have hope. AND most importantly we have each other. SO I often surprise my husband with something....a note. A burger. A night out...... I can't stay quiet. I can't pretend that we don't have challenges. I did loose hope. I know too many people that are suffering, that don't share their life. Those people need to share like I do or at least find someone to confide in. There is no shame stating, "Help me" Now this isn't my plea for help because I'm conquering our trials. I'm sharing because I know there is others. In conclusion, I've always believed and have written that life isn't meant to be easy. Sometimes I question why us? Why them? Just 'why' in general. Then all of the sudden I keep hearing this little voice saying, "Why not?" In fact, I hate what has happened to my husband. I hate the fact that we struggle, that we are stressed with his recovery, worried about the "what If" if he relapses BUT (I'm smiling here) ....we take one day at a time. We are keeping our relationship alive and burning. My husband and I keep our family going and in the end - we have each other!

"Shhhhhh" isn't in my vocabulary. I post everywhere because I feel that our challenges are meant to be. Believe it or not, I was once a shy quiet individual and no one knew our business. I don't believe I'm here to be that person. I'm here to learn, experience and with that experience to share, support and hopefully make differences in others lives. It doesn't matter if it's about a messy situation such as the dreaded bathroom where blood has dried to the surface of our walls because of a menstruation situation. (Sanitized later of course) It doesn't matter if it's about behaviors where explaining prevention, repetition and routine is key or sharing what our consequences look like. It doesn't matter if it's about home school and public school. About adoption. Special needs. Mental illnesses and different diagnoses. It doesn't matter if it's about my husband and our relationship, and/or any medical scenario. I'm not here to be quiet. I'm here.... alive, surviving and eager to write, to publicly speak on our challenges because I truly believe 100% if we can, any one can get through life's difficulties one step at a time. I want to change lives and see differences in this world. I want those differences supported, and unconditionally loved. I want peace and understanding. I want people to speak. Too share. To open their hearts, to learn that we're not alone and we're all here for a purpose. We walk a path that's given to us, we need to find and use it. Mine is just this....I remove that quiet individual, that finger that shushes and I share the good, the bad and the ugly for hopefully positive differences. For you! 

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