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Saturday, February 7, 2015

Wow....My kids?!

I haven't written for awhile because I'm a 24/7 nurse. Adding homeschooling. Maintaining our home. Meals. While taking turns driving five nights a week with my husband. My husband lately can't work. We are above water however this week was hard. Our little Emily had severe constipation after having severe diarrhea from the medication she was on. It's one extreme to the next. We were dealing with trying to get a uncontaminated sample of her diarrhea to giving her suppositories to stop constipation. There was nights where there was no sleep. It was endless screaming. One month later I'm still changing dressings on one side where her incisions split. They seep. It's a fresh bright red that doesn't seem to heal. However it's "normal" The endless transporting, diaper changing and physio that we persevere daily seems to be our daughter's non-tolerance point however we know what's best for her. What we deal with daily has become our normal, not to say our normal isn't so normal. (If you know what I mean) The food intake is minimal for our daughter, she has now developed a cold. For the past week I've been moving forward with my neck and left shoulder completely kinked. Mentally I'm coping. Physically my upper body feels tense and stressed. Having a larger family I sometimes think our numbers are against us. One of our older sons went through a lung surgery after having three spontaneous pneumothoraxes. Tonight.....while I write, my husband is at the hospital with one of our sons. When he was a baby he had a severe blood infection killing one of his kidneys. So he only has one kidney. Not an issue. We can survive with one kidney. It is detrimental that we keep that one kidney healthy. Tonight I wait while my husband and son is at emergency hoping that he just needs medication for a kidney infection. Our son came down with all the symptoms of a kidney infection, at least from a six year old description. As I write....I can't help think that scenarios run in threes and what does this really mean for us. Surgeries or incidences? Or does running in threes mean absolutely nothing? Is it just a hoax, or a superstition like worrying about a black cat crossing our path. It's silly. I love having a large family. I even love our complications. I learn. I experience therefore I can teach. I can lead. I do question "What does our future entail?" How many experiences will we have above others? For now I don't have any answers. We are literally just living one day at a time. What I do know right now.....I have a supportive large family. Tonight as we wait I had one of my other sons state, "Mom, if my brother needs a kidney transplant, I will.... if I can donate" - that's my proud moment for tonight. See, I could be having a "moment" one of those negative moments that I've felt before. "Worrying" And as ironic as this might be right now....while I wait diagnoses. I know everything will be "ok"... I'm just so proud of my children.... coming from where they've come from, while molding together and now offering organs for each other. Above all challenges, all behaviors, that's MY kids! My kids?! My "wow" moment while I wait.........

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