“I've
written this post at night, usually in the dark completely exhausted
beside my daughter's hospital bed. I didn't have access to the
internet to post any updates except for my phone. I wasn't going to
try and write a blog post over my phone being exhausted with one eye open. So this post
is an overview of the past week, not edited, lots of details and
thoughts are missing, just a few notes I would write at night when I
could. Now that this is posted – it means we are home and our
daughter's recovery begins......”
Day
before hospital:
Heading
to the hospital early was not only a great idea, it turned out to be
a great adventure. We visited friends along the way. My daughter and
I went bowling, we went out for dinner and we walked around the
beautiful lit Parliament Buildings. The Parliament Buildings were
still lit magical for Christmas. I've never seen the Parliament
Buildings lit for Christmas, it was a nice touch.
Emily's
biological great grandmother came over from the mainland and she
spent a few days with us. I truly enjoyed getting to know her better.
She was a great support and clearly loves Emily lots. (Below are some pre-hospital pictures of Emily and some selfies of us both before the big surgery day)
Day
1:
The
first big moment I had was when I accompanied our daughter to the OR
room. I stayed with her until she fell fast a sleep. If you haven't
experienced bringing your child to the OR, it's definitely one of
those moments where you feel you're handing your child's life over.
Watching your child take their last breath is what it looks like. I
left understandably in tears. Approximately five hours later I saw
our little girl in ICU. ICU (Intensive Care Unit) is a daunting
place. We were there for two and a half days. However it was the best
place for Emily to be. During Emily's ICU stay my father surprised me
from Campbell River. My heart raced when I saw him. I guess a 42 year
old needs her parents too! Emily also had two more visitors that we
adopted into our family. A Grandma, and an Aunt. Adoption can take
all forms. We don't need a piece of paper to legally extend our
family! (Below is Emily in ICU and Grampa Gary's surprise visit)
Day
3: (I think) Day 2 – visitors above in ICU
They
had to move Emily out of ICU early due to the lack of beds. This
transition went sideways. They had to take her off of the epidural
pain management and transition her to morphine. She started
hallucinating, screaming, yelling, crying and she became combative.
I've never seen her like this before. They had to sedate her until
she fell asleep. This was my moment two. We were asked to leave. I
cried. Great Grandma took me down to the cafeteria where I sat and
rejuvenated with a peppermint tea. Also on day three Emily began a
fever. She also started heavy upper body movements and facial
twitches. I watched these movements happen all day. Every time I seen
a new doctor, or a new nurse on shift I would ask, “What is causing
this!?” Medication! Side effects! “Is this trauma and stress
related!?” Finally approximately fourteen hours later it was
confirmed Emily was having ongoing seizures. This was my next moment.
Moment three??? I went outside and cried. I couldn't help to think
about how I just sat there watching her having seizures. What an
idiot! I just wanted to scream. Yell. Swear. Start an another earth
quake during this moment. It was a mixture of many emotions. After
having this temper tantrum in my mind, it was over. I was good. I
accepted and went back to my daughters bed side.
Day
4:
Emily
was still having seizure like movements. She was still struggling
with a fever. She hasn't eaten nor has had any fluids. The tests
began. How am I doing? Honestly, I was tired and overly emotional.
The moments that I have come and go. At least I was still in control
as much as everything was out of control. “Momentary breakdowns”
I call them. I started thinking about how I was grateful that in the
light of everything, things aren't any worse. I am strong. My
daughter is strong. During the morning of day 4 while sitting beside
my daughters bedside waiting for tests to begin, I looked outside the
window. I never pay attention to the sky very often. The sky was
filled with a light layer of clouds. I could see glimpses of blue,
then off to the right I could see a rainbow above the hospital. I
thought....maybe a sign!? Regardless it filled me with peace. A new
day. My heart felt relaxed. During day 4 some tests came back. The
EGG was good. She does have a UTI infection but controlled with
medication.
Day
5:
Happy
Birthday to me! I'm now 42. My husband came down to visit. He
delivered cards from our kiddos. It was an emotional day for Emily
and Daddy. Emily cried when she saw her Daddy and Daddy was strong
holding his in. Unfortunately throughout the day Daddy witnessed a
broken IV, blood everywhere, plus witnessing the diaper changing
where Emily is propped up on her side. (She screams) Plus the
transfer from her bed into her chair is amazingly hard. It was hard
for Daddy to see. For me, in an eery way I've come accustomed to the
challenges. Day in, day out and throughout each night I'm with our
daughter nursing her. I was once this emotional mother, now I've
become this stronger mother more in control of her emotions.
Unstoppable – at least in my mind most of the time I think I was.
When Daddy left it was even harder. Emily was very upset all night. (Below I'm holding up a beautiful birthday card with all my children's pictures and wishes on it)
Day
6:
On
day six some of the tests came back positive for Ecoli. Ecoli was
found in Emily's urine. So they had to find medication that would be
compatible with the seizure medication, and pain management. They
pulled me aside to explain that if it spread into her bloodstream it
would be become serious. So that was the next test. During day six my
sister and a long time friend visited. During the evening on day six,
one of our EA's visited. (Now a friend) Having visitors is so nice
because it breaks up the days for me. Days are very long in the
hospital and it feels like an isolation. When I leave my daughter's
room for even ten minutes, I am surprisingly reminded that there is a
world out there. There is people! We have been at the hospital for
one week, and in a weird way not only have I become accustomed to the
hospital, it feels like we've been living here forever. Forgetting
that the world even exists sometimes. To end day six, Emily was
growing a new super bug but the antibiotics should curb this.....it's
from ESBL. A prolonged hospital stay.
Day
7:
It
was like a party in here. A Paediatrician, some residents, nurses, an
OT, PT, a Dietician and the pain management team came in explaining
that Emily has one of the most resilient Ecoli UTI's and while
picking up that super bug from ESLB that we had to stay at least
another five days because she needs to stay on heavy IV antibiotics.
(My apologies if I'm not making any sense) I am exhausted and I am
writing this beside Emily's hospital bed in the dark. I do feel
optimistic and positive today knowing that everything is getting
figured out and for me, just hearing maybe another five days was
music to my ears. I thought I would be upset – however I know in my
heart while I write that this is already a memory, and we are closer
to home to start Emily's recovery. During day seven, Emily and I
played with toys. Well...I played with the toys while Emily laughed.
It was joy to my ears. A wonderful lady by the name of Cindy came by
today delivering food. She lives in Victoria and we only met a few
times before. I had another moment. I don't know what number moment
this is, however it was a good one. I'm just in “awe” of all the
support we have received from others. “Thank you”
Day
8:
We
are in better spirits. Emily was in her wheelchair more and we
circled the Paediatric unit numerous of times. Every day is an
improvement. Every movement is a challenge however I'm starting to
see glimpses of that sparkle our daughter has. When changing her
bandages, we noticed that her right hip incision has opened up.
Hopefully (fingers crossed) that no infection starts. While Emily is
happier and seeming to feel much better I'm hoping signs of home are
in our near future. (In this picture below we were very exhausted)
Day
9:
Night
of day 8 seemed endless and day 9 started out rough with blood work
and the lack of sleep. Then they had to change her IV to a different
hand because her vein was tired in the opposite hand. Emily also had
her first real sponge bath lowered in a lift. Then we were allowed to
venture off the Paediatric floor so we went shopping at the gift
shop. Shortly after we went and visited a friend that just had
surgery and was located in a different area of the hospital. I even
managed to have a shower. There is a parent room located on the ward.
I've come quite comfortable walking around in my Pajama's and helping
myself to whatever we need. It's a weird feeling - feeling
comfortable, like we've settled in. I even climbed into my daughter's
bed where we took selfies. What a roller coaster of events and
emotions this has been. I have to say, it's one of the hardest
experiences I've been through. And believe me, I've been through
many. Now onto Day 10.
(Reflection
on night 9 - “Broken smiles” It was so difficult for our daughter
on so many levels. Every day there was a new challenge. Even
replacing the IV was an attempt after an attempt. A simple diaper
change is a huge ordeal. As her mother I stood by her side remaining
strong with a smile on my face. Inside I had broken smiles. I kept
wishing, “Please let this be the last attempt with that IV site!”
I felt like I was begging inside all the time. After every ordeal my
daughter would politely say, “Thank you” in her petite afraid
little voice. I knew that her “Thank you” was her hope everything
was over. Gently stroking her hair, while telling her it was “ok”
I knew it was never really “ok” It just wasn't. Every day she
would smile. Every day her smile became broken as mine did inside. It
was challenging for me to know what was happening next while she
innocently trusted me by her side. It definitely felt like broken
smiles)
Day
10:
The
surgeon came in and asked if I was comfortable bringing our daughter
home tomorrow!? Of course I am! After all, I have a first aid
background, I am a mother of sixteen, and I'm basically someone that
could easily slip into any professional position! Anything I didn't
know, I know now after being here almost two weeks! We are ready! We
are positive! We had all our hospital moments! Our family at home has
been preparing for our arrival and even a little over board with
decorating Emily's room with Elmo balloons including a life size blow
up Elmo! It's time to start recovery at home! I know our moments
aren't over but that's why I always call them moments, and the only
way to move forward is knowing we live in the now, and tomorrow is a
new day! So on day 10 I'm getting excited......I want to take this
opportunity to thank everyone again for their support. Even with
reading my blog, or my updated endless ongoing posts. I find writing
and sharing is the best therapy. I appreciate my readers and
supporting our on-going journey at sweet sixteen. Tonight I am
confident it's our last night at Victoria General. I AM SO EXCITED!
And I can't wait for our daughter's smiles to continue without any
breaks in them!
Strong together
Day
11:
Emily
finished her IV medication. We packed and we were discharged! The ride home was difficult. And it was an emotional homecoming. I'm very tired.......
My husband did amazing while we were away. We are a team. #strong #together #forever I must say I have the best family and supportive friends ever! Now onto a new day.......yay!
No comments:
Post a Comment