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Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Life is a story

 I have topics that I think about frequently. I'm one of those people that don't stop thinking and especially during the time I should be sleeping! Most of my thoughts are from my own experiences. Some that I've learned, and some that I'm still trying to figure out because life surely isn't an open book. Life is full of surprises. After my husband having a close death experience last year it really highlighted how important and short our lives really are. I've always been that person questioning life and why are we here. I've always believed in a purposeful life. I believe in making differences and I believe in progress. 
It's January 2016, and it's that time of year where everyone is trying to live up to their resolutions. I also don't necessarily believe that we should put so much expectations on ourselves. Realistic goals are good. Believing in yourself is good. Facing fears and conquering doubt is good. Just don't set yourself up for failure with too high of expectations. For me, I have a few applications that have been sent and where my path leads is semi currently unknown. However I do know it's with helping others in one form or another. I'm feeling for us there is lots that will change from this year forward.
In the next couple years there will be lots of transitioning. We have four sixteen year old's moving into adulthood. Our youngest little man is starting kindergarten. And while still parenting, homeschooling and figuring out exactly where my “extra” time is headed I'm holding my husband's hand more.
 I am a very patient, understanding and realistic person taking life day by day. One day can be better then the next realizing not any day is the same. That red light always turns green eventually. If it doesn't then that's our universe clearly stating we're not going in that direction. So sometimes what we want, even a goal or an expectation that we have put on ourselves only turns green when the timing is right and our mind should always be open to nod yes, I will try it that way. Lately with my husband's current condition we are definitely moving forward in another way. 
I will share something personal with you. I was told twice that my husband wasn't going to survive. That he was a very sick man. Those words, “A very sick man” stained my heart. I don't believe that's a horrible thing. More of a message. My husband and I were what I called, “Empire Builders” we literally built our home and our atmosphere for our children. Our children were one hundred percent our world. To this day they are but they are not. I would say they are 70% and 30% is for us. Having four adult children already, I know that my husband and I are not only the glue for our family, we are for each other. I knew this and have written this before but we are all guilty getting caught up in what we feel programmed to do for our family and others, that we attend to forget about our own lives. 
Our future...?...heavily unknown.... however, starts with more hospital visits. Gerald is now on a cancellation list for knee surgery. We aren't worried about the surgery, we are concerned because he is high risk for developing MRSA infections. There is suspicion of some brain injury. Words from his specialist was, "Your spine looks like it's been through World War 3" He's at high risk for having a heart attack while adding TIA's and/or stroke. He has chronic pain all the time. Yet we remain positive and we are taking each day as it comes developing other chapters to conquer.
Life's trials definitely changes our perceptions on how we should be living daily that's for sure. Life reminds me of a book, we begin reading.....we sometimes become lost (like this post) then we challenge ourselves and when life just seems right, you turn the next page, enter a new chapter of complete and utter chaos to find the light at the end of it all. I would imagine maddening for some.
 Now that 2016 is well underway and we're feeling semi positive, we will continue to hope for health and healing while embracing the unknown for the next chapter. Continuing to believe in progress with real expectations and allowing the red lights to direct us to the green. In the end, life truly is a story and I hope that ours will be a best seller (when I eventually finish our book) and I hope I still remember my name!

Grammar struggling author unknown, lol - that would be me!

1 comment:

  1. Sending love and prayers to you dear Carrie and Gerald. Thanks so much for your words of love and care and encouragement for us all on this journey of life! We are cheering you both on with love and appreciation for you!