Friday, November 1, 2013
Boundary control round 101
This is a topic I've written on before. It's an ongoing battle within our society. I'm not going to isolate our family as targets because we're large, or we're an adoptive family or "otherwise known as a overly limited foster home." This happens to any family that doesn't participate in financially related almost expected purchases such as pizza days, bake sales, book sales and continuous fund raisers within the public school system. If we do not purchase, other parents feel sorry for our children. Which then the alarm bells go off. We must be financially struggling or......? The developed opinions circulate which creates parents purchasing the pizza, the baked goods, and giving money to our children. Every year I'm not impressed. I will explain why. The reason why we don't routinely purchase food, baked goods and books from our public school is not because we're inconsiderate, or not supportive, it's because I bake, we have pizza once a week, I make great large lunches daily. I also believe in routines. Routine works really well for our children. If we started purchasing, we would have to purchase every time. What we choose to do, is purchase on special occasions. We don't start anything unless we believe it's necessary to continue and add it into our life. Our children have poor impulse and boundary control. Now....I know most parents don't understand although even if I had only one child with no issues whatsoever and I didn't purchase food from the school......should that be a problem? I wouldn't even blink an eye at another parent not purchasing food when a lunch is prepared. I'm writing about this again because it's not about any assumptions, opinions and rumors that circulate. I could care less. It's about boundaries. As a parent of special needs.....I have children that have poor boundaries themselves, poor impulse control and not to mention some physical health related issues like over indulgence with food. I spend my time baking, preparing their lunches as needed accordingly. Then I find out they're given pizza, other parents are giving them money for the bake sales.......I know.......it's so sad that our "foster children" are deprived. A familiar story I've heard. I get irritated. I purposely buy decals stating that they're our children - ADOPT placed on our van. I spend most of my days in the kitchen preparing meals, lunches and baking. I'm not going to amp up everything I do - but I breathe 24/7 for my children. I understand. Our life is different, every family is different, everyone lives differently. What I don't understand is why parents with children don't understand boundaries? You don't give other children money and food. How can people not understand this!? OK - there is a teary eyed little boy wanting pizza. BUT - he just ate a huge lunch and what if he's lactose intolerant? What IF the parents at home are working so hard in teaching boundary control because this little boy will go to anyone asking for more food!? He will sit in your lap not knowing you? He's teary not because he's hungry - he's teary because he's just not getting pizza - more food - that his parents strictly said, "You have a lunch and you ate pizza last night" Maybe this is a little boy with BIG elaborated stories. Who knows what the scenario is - I question where is the boundaries from individuals that should know better in the first place? Not to mention, this isn't teaching our children to respect their own parents wishes. Now besides pizza and baked goods, there is the monthly scholastic book sales. Awesome books and we have millions. I have my own school room. Our children have everything. I do not feel the need to purchase all the time. I don't believe I should be questioned in their planners that come home about purchasing. I feel half the time that our children are pressured within the school system to purchase, they come home programmed and ready to buy when realistically it's not needed. Commercialism absolutely everywhere. We could at least keep it out of our schools. So once again a rant on what I feel a disrespect for our parenting choices, a complete boundary crossing and issues that we are left dealing with and explaining onto why we do or don't purchase for our children. Regardless of any situation - if you're concerned - ask first. I have no problem enlightening anyone onto why my children didn't get pizza, or participate in the bake sale this week! I also will not feel pressured into purchasing because other parents think I should. I've never been nor will I ever be society lead and I raise my children accordingly to their needs. My wish, either mind your own business or address your concerns BUT don't give other parents children money or food without consulting their parents first. It's a huge huge no no on many levels. And if you're really interested - I have no problem having anyone over for dinner, and I guarantee it won't be pizza.