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Saturday, February 4, 2017

Reaffirmation ramble

I can't believe it's February 2017! It's been over a month since I wrote. Lately I've been sharing through other means of social media. I have been enjoying taking pictures, continuing with pole fitness and I started painting. I'm definitely that type of person that can't sit around and waste any time. I love productiveness and being proactive. Since I wrote last one of our sons fractured his ankle during his basketball game, he needed surgery to secure his ankle joint. That consisted of two screws. Currently he's not allowed to bear any weight and during his recovery I have added him to our home school group for the remainder of this school year. I watched our son being pushed during his lay up and down he went. His basketball season came to a screaming end. I took a deep breath and said to myself, “Here we go again” That evening we sat in emergency. I have never really felt that helpless feeling until I became a mother twenty seven years ago. Since then it's been many medical scenarios and there's nothing more heart wrenching then to witness your child in pain and you can't do anything but hold their hand. From accidental bone fractures to spontaneous pneumothoraxes resulting in lung surgeries to more severe conditions such as having one kidney that becomes infected to a broken femur, to dual hip surgeries due to cerebral palsy.....while adding a seriously sick husband has given me some anxiety. Not to mention the mental illnesses that has surfaced over the years. One may believe we shouldn't have taken on such a large family. However when I look around, all I see is love, connection and family. It's not an easy road but it's a road we have chosen to travel. With our dedication, and our perseverance I know we will move forward day by day together. Now because I'm this proactive individual I started realizing I needed to do something for myself to help curb the anxiety I developed since my husband became sick. I don't believe in dwelling nor living in the past. I practice what I teach our children and that's to move forward in a positive manner. Hence why I started pole fitness. It's not only a physical conditioning, for me it's therapeutic. I not only need to be strong physically, I need to be strong mentally to continue to be the strength for my family. Then because I'm a house bound momma I started painting. I had patience before but painting is definitely challenging the patience I have and it's great. So during these winter months where we are literally snowed in, and while some of us continue to recover from injury and or illness, I (we) paint. We climb poles together. We as a family, even as helpless as we can feel sometimes continue to gain strength together. Our daily routines remain and in many ways I feel we are a powerful family unit. We definitely have our weak moments however I can't express enough on how proud I am of our children. Their exceptional acceptances for each others differences and challenges are truly honoring to witness. They support each other. Our son with his ankle fracture amazes me. Just resilient each and every one of us and that is worth swinging too. It's true...with trials come triumphs. With moments of darkness comes light. Some people might not agree on what I believe but it's working for us. I said once to another mother, “If you can accept who your child is (even behaviorally) and accept others for who they are, maybe even yourself, then will come peace” Do you struggle with anxiety? Maybe over certain situations that may arise? I honestly know that being aware of your breathing while reminding yourself that moments do pass, you will be able to help yourself. Most importantly find yourself. I'm extreme in most of what I do however don't be afraid of just being you. Accepting, loving you. This post started explaining some of our health challenges, and I admitted that I'm not a rolling ball of strength however we continue with the two feet we have and keep going. It's interesting. Years ago I attended support groups for adoptive families. In fact I really wanted to run them myself. I'm glad I don't. I love our life without the labels. I love how we are and that's persevering as a unconditional loving family. I don't need a group, nor a book to explain to me what I already know. It's simply, deal with what is, accept and move forward. And I only share with whom I trust. To conclude, as hard as it is, remove all judgments. It won't matter ten years from now. Most of our medical scenarios don't matter anymore either. For our one son with the fractured ankle joint, basketball was his everything however now a new door has been opened. More support at home with his academics, with his healing and a possible boxing avenue. You just never know where a challenging time may lead. Be patient. I keep telling myself that when I'm going into my third hour of painting - fixing mistakes after mistakes! Life – be passionate and proactive with it always – it's too short and unpredictable. Anyhow....this is today, just rambling on all over the place with some reaffirmation.  

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