I can't believe it's
February 2017! It's been over a month since I wrote. Lately I've been
sharing through other means of social media. I have been enjoying
taking pictures, continuing with pole fitness and I started painting.
I'm definitely that type of person that can't sit around and waste
any time. I love productiveness and being proactive. Since I wrote
last one of our sons fractured his ankle during his basketball game,
he needed surgery to secure his ankle joint. That consisted of two
screws. Currently he's not allowed to bear any weight and during his
recovery I have added him to our home school group for the remainder
of this school year. I watched our son being pushed during his lay up and
down he went. His basketball season came to a screaming end. I took a
deep breath and said to myself, “Here we go again” That evening
we sat in emergency. I have never really felt that helpless feeling
until I became a mother twenty seven years ago. Since then it's been
many medical scenarios and there's nothing more heart wrenching then
to witness your child in pain and you can't do anything but hold
their hand. From accidental bone fractures to spontaneous
pneumothoraxes resulting in lung surgeries to more severe conditions
such as having one kidney that becomes infected to a broken femur, to
dual hip surgeries due to cerebral palsy.....while adding a seriously
sick husband has given me some anxiety. Not to mention the mental
illnesses that has surfaced over the years. One may believe we
shouldn't have taken on such a large family. However when I look
around, all I see is love, connection and family. It's not an easy
road but it's a road we have chosen to travel. With our dedication,
and our perseverance I know we will move forward day by day together.
Now because I'm this proactive individual I started realizing I
needed to do something for myself to help curb the anxiety I
developed since my husband became sick. I don't believe in dwelling
nor living in the past. I practice what I teach our children and
that's to move forward in a positive manner. Hence why I started pole
fitness. It's not only a physical conditioning, for me it's
therapeutic. I not only need to be strong physically, I need to be
strong mentally to continue to be the strength for my family. Then
because I'm a house bound momma I started painting. I had patience
before but painting is definitely challenging the patience I have and
it's great. So during these winter months where we are literally
snowed in, and while some of us continue to recover from injury and or
illness, I (we) paint. We climb poles together. We as a family, even
as helpless as we can feel sometimes continue to gain strength
together. Our daily routines remain and in many ways I feel we are a
powerful family unit. We definitely have our weak moments however I
can't express enough on how proud I am of our children. Their
exceptional acceptances for each others differences and challenges
are truly honoring to witness. They support each other. Our son with his ankle fracture amazes
me. Just resilient each and every one of us and that is worth
swinging too. It's true...with trials come triumphs. With moments of
darkness comes light. Some people might not agree on what I believe
but it's working for us. I said once to another mother, “If you can
accept who your child is (even behaviorally) and accept others for
who they are, maybe even yourself, then will come peace” Do you
struggle with anxiety? Maybe over certain situations that may arise?
I honestly know that being aware of your breathing while reminding
yourself that moments do pass, you will be able to help yourself.
Most importantly find yourself. I'm extreme in most of what I do
however don't be afraid of just being you. Accepting, loving you.
This post started explaining some of our health challenges, and I
admitted that I'm not a rolling ball of strength however we continue
with the two feet we have and keep going. It's interesting. Years ago
I attended support groups for adoptive families. In fact I really
wanted to run them myself. I'm glad I don't. I love our life without
the labels. I love how we are and that's persevering as a
unconditional loving family. I don't need a group, nor a book to
explain to me what I already know. It's simply, deal with what is,
accept and move forward. And I only share with whom I trust. To
conclude, as hard as it is, remove all judgments. It won't matter ten
years from now. Most of our medical scenarios don't matter anymore
either. For our one son with the fractured ankle joint, basketball
was his everything however now a new door has been opened. More
support at home with his academics, with his healing and a possible
boxing avenue. You just never know where a challenging time may lead.
Be patient. I keep telling myself that when I'm going into my third
hour of painting - fixing mistakes after mistakes! Life – be
passionate and proactive with it always – it's too short and
unpredictable. Anyhow....this is today, just rambling on all over the place with some reaffirmation.
