That "one moment"

I had this flashback this morning about one of our past hospital visits with our youngest daughter Emily. It made me smile and I thought it was worth a re-post. November 14, 2013 my youngest daughter and I were leaving the hospital. I remember fondly an elderly man sitting looking out the hospital window. As we approached, our daughter really wanted to say, "Hello" and during that time his hand met hers, while she met his. The elderly man was smiling from ear to ear. This man's daughter was standing near and she explained that he hasn't smiled in days. I remember the woman started to tear. That's all it takes, acknowledgement. This post is located here at http://hohnsteins.blogspot.ca/2013/11/hospital-smiles.html on my blog. This morning while having coffee I was thinking about how important acknowledgement is. Many of us forget that a simple smile and/or "Hello, have a good day!" can make a world of difference. We are all struggling battles others are unaware of, and a huge percentage of our population suffers from either a mental illness, or unfortunately loneliness. I've always believed that when someone is grumpy, angry or behavioral (whatever you want to call their attitude) they just need some form of acknowledgement. Thinking back now three years ago visualizing that mans smile and for that "one moment" his heart was filled with joy and that makes me want to spread that moment more.... To remind people that we can make differences just by smiling at each other. Acknowledgement (I think) is the most important communication attribute we can carry from one day to the next. "We always always always try to change some ones day with a few little words and a simple little smile"  

702! Once upon a time......

I was looking over my blog and this is my 702nd post after I deleted almost two years worth of (what I thought) amazing stories and recipes! I know my posts have slowed down some however my blog definitely shows some dedication. It takes commitment. This is only my perception (a itty bitty piece) that I have been honored to share with you. For me, many times it's been a very emotional roller coaster while looking back all these years blogging our experiences, challenges and most importantly our victories. Wow! I keep contradicting myself questioning what's next. I keep questioning if I should continue blogging.....it's become a part of my time. I have looked into vlogging too. Basically it's video taping your story. More of a amateur reality show with short clipped films. I sometimes question if I should just stop media completely. Then I keep thinking about how the internet is a huge part of our lives. This is how we are able to express ourselves and to hopefully make differences and inspire each other. This is why I continue and why I can't quit. I know for a fact that my purpose here isn't just to be a house wife homeschooling momma. Some may be content with this and it's absolutely perfect. I feel mine is much deeper. Which means I'm not disappearing anytime soon, and that my mind is continually contemplating what's next. Either I continue with what I have been doing - blogging and/or adding something more and time will tell. I've always been impressed when time passes, it really does answer all my questions. "Once upon a time" I was twelve years old receiving my first slide to slide old style typewriter writing short little thriller stories...now it's about time to not only focus on those short stories but to enhance that into it's fullest potential. Blogging continues however I am feeling much more then just a chapter at a time. 

 

What do you think?

Life is a story

 I have topics that I think about frequently. I'm one of those people that don't stop thinking and especially during the time I should be sleeping! Most of my thoughts are from my own experiences. Some that I've learned, and some that I'm still trying to figure out because life surely isn't an open book. Life is full of surprises. After my husband having a close death experience last year it really highlighted how important and short our lives really are. I've always been that person questioning life and why are we here. I've always believed in a purposeful life. I believe in making differences and I believe in progress. 

It's January 2016, and it's that time of year where everyone is trying to live up to their resolutions. I also don't necessarily believe that we should put so much expectations on ourselves. Realistic goals are good. Believing in yourself is good. Facing fears and conquering doubt is good. Just don't set yourself up for failure with too high of expectations. For me, I have a few applications that have been sent and where my path leads is semi currently unknown. However I do know it's with helping others in one form or another. I'm feeling for us there is lots that will change from this year forward.

In the next couple years there will be lots of transitioning. We have four sixteen year old's moving into adulthood. Our youngest little man is starting kindergarten. And while still parenting, homeschooling and figuring out exactly where my “extra” time is headed I'm holding my husband's hand more.

 I am a very patient, understanding and realistic person taking life day by day. One day can be better then the next realizing not any day is the same. That red light always turns green eventually. If it doesn't then that's our universe clearly stating we're not going in that direction. So sometimes what we want, even a goal or an expectation that we have put on ourselves only turns green when the timing is right and our mind should always be open to nod yes, I will try it that way. Lately with my husband's current condition we are definitely moving forward in another way. 

I will share something personal with you. I was told twice that my husband wasn't going to survive. That he was a very sick man. Those words, “A very sick man” stained my heart. I don't believe that's a horrible thing. More of a message. My husband and I were what I called, “Empire Builders” we literally built our home and our atmosphere for our children. Our children were one hundred percent our world. To this day they are but they are not. I would say they are 70% and 30% is for us. Having four adult children already, I know that my husband and I are not only the glue for our family, we are for each other. I knew this and have written this before but we are all guilty getting caught up in what we feel programmed to do for our family and others, that we attend to forget about our own lives. 

Our future...?...heavily unknown.... however, starts with more hospital visits. Gerald is now on a cancellation list for knee surgery. We aren't worried about the surgery, we are concerned because he is high risk for developing MRSA infections. There is suspicion of some brain injury. Words from his specialist was, "Your spine looks like it's been through World War 3" He's at high risk for having a heart attack while adding TIA's and/or stroke. He has chronic pain all the time. Yet we remain positive and we are taking each day as it comes developing other chapters to conquer.

Life's trials definitely changes our perceptions on how we should be living daily that's for sure. Life reminds me of a book, we begin reading.....we sometimes become lost (like this post) then we challenge ourselves and when life just seems right, you turn the next page, enter a new chapter of complete and utter chaos to find the light at the end of it all. I would imagine maddening for some.

 Now that 2016 is well underway and we're feeling semi positive, we will continue to hope for health and healing while embracing the unknown for the next chapter. Continuing to believe in progress with real expectations and allowing the red lights to direct us to the green. In the end, life truly is a story and I hope that ours will be a best seller (when I eventually finish our book) and I hope I still remember my name!

Signed, 

Grammar struggling author unknown, lol - that would be me!

It is the place!

I have a few written posts "saved" and not posted because I have been really enjoying our great outdoors. I wanted to share these beautiful photos with you instead. The picture below is on our way to Tofino. The ongoing rushing river is always roaring.

 This picture is of love locks. People have been engraving locks and locking them to designated fencing all over the world. 

 Below is a picture of the West Coast in Ucluelet. It's truly amazing to just sit and observe the energy and force of our universe. I love it so much!

 Chesterman's Beach. A more secluded calmer area. 

 Below is a picture of where we hiked. A complete mud bog. There is many sections with warning signs of extreme sinking. It reminded me of quick sand territory.  

 And this is where we hiked out too. A war plane that went down in 1945, twelve passengers survived. It's surreal hiking upon its resting site located near Tofino.

 Truthfully - a must see!

 If you're in Tofino, definitely try the Tacofino bus. It's excellent. 

Below is a quote so true. You know.....many people constantly ask me how I cope with all our challenges. Daily I educate my children that the outdoors truly heals. It is peaceful and surreal. It might not take a challenge or life trial away, but it might help put you back into perspective and on the right path. The great outdoors - it is the place! 

The frozen forest

I'm always in "Awe" 

I can't believe how fast time is moving! It's the middle of January already! Recently I turned forty three. For my celebration I wanted to be outdoors. So my sister, a friend and I went hiking to Christie Falls in Ladysmith. It's amazing out there right now with all the ice. It's truly like a winter wonderland. A magical place. I love the great outdoors. I honestly believe if you're suffering mentally and or physically from something, outdoors is the answer. It rejuvenates the soul. I'm hoping our 2016 is sharing memories of just this. The beauty that surrounds us, and the experiences along the way. Not only for myself but for our children. Our family and for you. This day was on January 10th - my birthday. After having an amazing lunch at the Spice Hut we ventured off looking for Christie Falls. The funny part about this day was that us three wore funny toques. We would meet people along the path that always commented, smiled and or laughed. It was great. We might be woman in our forties but it's not the number what counts, it's what's inside of us. Fun. Adventure and thriving for more memories. The best part is living, experiencing and breathing in that fresh air we take for granted daily. It was a great day.  "Just living is not enough, one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower" - Hans Anderson. In this case a winter wonderland called, "Frozen" 

The picture below I snapped during a morning walk last week. I was thinking about our options in life. We can just live to breathe, work and pay bills or we can truly live. My motto always is to take the long road, experience and find new adventures around every new corner. A cute quote from one of Robert Frost's poems is, "And I, I took the road less traveled" and that my friends is a powerful statement. If you don't allow yourself to experience, to learn, and to challenge yourself with new directions, you don't grow into your fullest potential. I believe growth happens all throughout our lives. It's never too late to experience something new. I love teaching my children this. I am so proud of my oldest daughter who travels, who now is currently working in Toronto. She might like it or not when I say, she's exactly like her mother. A strong independent woman who works towards her goals and retrieves them. She challenges herself, and has life grasped in her hands. That's the strong road, a road worth traveling. To conclude with my thoughts....keep going. Leap at the chance with new adventures. Even if it's just a day in the frozen forest. We all owe it to ourselves to not just breathe, but to truly live and enjoy our life! 

Please send Stanley home.......

Erika Anslow is desperately searching for her missing dog Stanley. Stanley went missing from her Qualicum home. Qualicum is located on Vancouver Island in BC, Canada. It's believed Stanley has been stolen. Stanley is Erika's therapy dog. He is a brown labradoodle. Stanley went missing around September 18, 2015. Stanley has many distinguishing features, including a large cyst on his left eye, a back left paw with only three pads and a scar on his left shoulder from a cancer operation. Please keep your eyes open as Stanley can be anywhere. This beloved family member needs to be returned to his rightful owner. If by chance you know where Stanley is, or by chance you are the one housing Stanley, please do what's right and return him home, no questions asked. We have dogs of our own, they're a part of our family. I know Stanley would love to be reunited back with his momma. Please send him home...... 

Goodbye 2015 - we won't miss you"

January 2015 was our littlest daughter's dual hip and groin surgeries. It was a rough two week hospital stay after our daughter contracted the super bug and developed a controlled blood infection. For me as her mother it was very difficult to witness while my daughter suffered immensely. Recovery went well and by the Spring, our daughter was almost back to normal! 

 Here is our daughter at our friend's birthday party dedicated for Emily. Judy dedicated her 70th birthday to Emily to help fund raise for an all terrain jogging stroller. It's been purchased and it's used all the time! Thank you Judy! We will always remember and be forever grateful! We love you!

In March I went over and spent the day with my oldest daughter. It was a great day together. My oldest showed me everywhere she hangs out, we tried the Brewery and we had a great day together. I really enjoy hanging out with my adult children. It's on a completely different level.  

 April was a busy but fun month. We had many birthdays, different outdoor family outings and celebrated Easter. This picture below I made for my granddaughter's second birthday. April is always a great month for everything - including weather!

 In May I started running with Emily. My plan was to run a half marathon pushing Emily with her all new terrain jogging stroller! It's still a plan eventually!

 At the end of May my husband started complaining of a sore neck. From there.....after four emergency visits with no success, he was finally assessed at the third hospital in Comox a week later. Diagnosed being severely septic throughout his whole body due to a fast spreading infection called MRSA. The picture below was my husband's condition when I wheeled him out of Victoria General's Emergency because they would not admit nor properly assess him due to our previous emergency visits to the Nanaimo hospital (three times) We were told we had two many fish in the sea, and go home and take his pain management. From Comox he was air lifted back to Victoria where he remained in ICU for three weeks, then released after two and a half months. The MRSA spread throughout his body and he needed a chest operation to drain infection pockets around his heart. The day of discharge was an emotional one however upon returning home, my husband was septic once again. He then was transported to Nanaimo, where he remained another two weeks. 

 July and August became a blur. It was back and forth traveling from our home to Victoria. We had family arrive from up north. We had family and friends help support and look after our children while I was away. We lost a season completely and the stress of being told (a few times) I was going to loose my husband was becoming unbearable. Not many know...but during this time I had to get power of attorney over everything. I was preparing for the worst while remaining hopeful that one day he would come home. Finally when that second attempt of coming home was successful, we learned to administer is iv medication. Nightly by gravity flow until late October we never missed a treatment. 

 During October and November we started to venture out more. We would take short day trips with our children, and tried to find normalcy while still worrying with my husband's diagnoses of MRSA and the high chance of relapsing.  

 My husband and I started going out together more. We have always dedicated ourselves to our family. Our children. Now, we are taking more time for ourselves. Seen below, we went to a little town called Chemainus twice. In October and November. We watched two live theater performances. 

 This is how we live.....

We were so happy to continue our annual Christmas party!   

This Christmas was special for several reasons. Not only did we survive 2015, for the first time, we spent Christmas with more family members. Seen below is my Brother, myself and my father! 

 For the first time ever, we had Christmas with my oldest sister and her family!

 AND my oldest daughter surprised us on Christmas eve knocking at our door at 8 pm. She flew across the Country to spend Christmas with us!

 This picture below is not all of us. We are missing five of our children, plus the rest of our family however it's a cute Christmas photo saying, "Good bye 2015 from our family to yours!" 

Now that 2016 is here I feel ready to move on from 2015. It's a reflection that I hope to let go. Normally I love our experiences. Normally I write more posts. 2015 was very difficult for us. The lack of posts proved that my mindset wasn't into sharing how I was feeling. The exhaustion. The stress. The worry. The stigma even against us was at times overwhelming. Sometimes the support was overwhelming. We were definitely lost emotionally in 2015. To update, Gerald has gained strength and weight however has chronic spinal pain which results in several ongoing pain in his body including his hips, back and knees. He has hypertension frequently but his TIA's (mini-strokes) seems to have subsided. The specialist says it's unfortunate and that recovery will take a long time and chances for relapse is unknown. Gerald can't work due to his spinal injuries from the MRSA. We are taking it day by day in hopes for a full recovery and 100% health in our future! 

I'm personally looking forward to a brand New Year with many exciting experiences, memories and insights to share! I want to take this time to thank everyone that supported us, believed in us and most importantly was a listening ear. For the first time in a long time, I needed to be at that other end. To conclude, it was so amazing being a part of a community coming together. I appreciate every one. The list is too long. Love to each and every one of you. 

"Goodbye 2015 - we won't miss you"  

"Hello 2016 - you are even, and you have that sweet sixteen number inside you - you are our year!"