'Bye bye baby!"

I love productive days. While I baked I cut hair and showered our children one after another. Cooked dinner then headed into our daughters bedroom. Not only do I love productive days, I love organization. For awhile our daughters room started looking like piles of toys. Every time I walked in, I thought, "This looks like the beginning of hoarding" For both our daughters they do have special needs which makes it harder for them to clean, organize and grasp the concept on how to clean their room. So when asked to clean, piles started. So after dinner while our girls were both bathing in different bathrooms, I decided it was time for me to organize. My husband just finished building extra shelving in their room and in our little boys room. The easiest way to start is to unload everything into the middle of the room. From there, start organizing different piles. I had baby doll piles, stuffed animals, Polly pockets, barbies, toy food to baby clothing and barbie clothing piles. Most importantly a GARBAGE pile! There is no need to keep a doll with missing limbs, pieces of what looks like a toy and stuffed animals with no eyes! The picture to the left in the hallway is the dump pile. The picture to the right is the new improved toy area where their books are on one shelf, perfectly healthy dolls on another, their toy food, microwave and miscellaneous items on the lower shelf. Another part of their room has the barbie house, the Polly pocket area and their dressers are free for hair brushes, clips and headbands. This took me sometime going through absolutely everything. When something hits the garbage pile, you never look twice. Once gone, gone. Our daughters had an extra long bath and once out they were surprised! They were not upset about any missing items. They wanted to play. I didn't blame them because before they didn't know what they had at the bottom of their piles. It was like Christmas came early. They were happy, I was relieved. My husband was looking through the boxes in the hallway asking me, "What's wrong with this?" "We can fix this?" "Sigh"......I explained to him that you can't fix a horses leg without the leg and who wants a teddy without any eyeballs? I proceeded to show him their room which changed his outlook on the goods going to the dump. We have progress! Now it's going to be a daily repetitious battle teaching our daughters the right way to clean. (No piles) Pick a toy, play, put back the toy, then pick another. It teaches respect for the item, it teaches organization skills and that there is a place for everything. With our children starting in their bedroom, it will help them in their future with a whole house! Our home if you haven't been here is organized, clean and I truly believe what a child grows up with can result in a continued cycle for their future. Adding of course everything in a child's life, don't get me wrong - this is just one little area of all areas we as parents need to commit too while raising our wonderful children.

"Ho ho ho"

The 2nd annual Christmas Adoption party was a huge success. Over a dozen families and I lost track of the number of children attended. We will continue to host this Christmas event in a nearby hall. With the help of other families we had a great magician perform a magic show, we had a projector and stereo system hooked up to play dance Wii (which was a huge hit!) Of course a surprise visitor and tons of great platters, enough food for thirds! Everyone was dancing and mingling with each other. I definitely need to thank my husband for pulling it all together being Santa because he had moments through-out the day prior to this party that was "trying" on his patience. "Patience" is key I always say. There was one moment there where I was almost in tears laughing so hard. Being his Santa helper he thought he was calling out some one's name wrong on their gift but it turned out to be a childhood nickname - he was so close in firing me! Afterwords it was amazing on how fast everything was cleaned up with the help of other families and their children. It's interesting with our children because most of them know it's their "Dad" playing Santa. The ones that don't are still questionable. Our littlest son afterwords was asking his Dad why we had Santa's bag. We were cleaning up, putting things away and our son noticed the red bag. (Oops) His Dad turns to him and explains, "It's because Santa didn't have room on his sleigh" Funny, he walked away satisfied with that answer. In conclusion what makes events like these a success is everyone who attends. So I'm deeply appreciative for the families that continue to support their children and support their adoptive community by coming all together. I've written before and I'm not sure if it's in here with my new posts but "back in the day" when we started adopting we never knew our path was going to grow with adoption that included other families, some foster parents and some birth family. I really believe it's a blessing to have such growth, support and continued friendships with others along the same path. Thank you for being in our life and again, we love you all. "Merry Christmas"

Christmas in Plum Creek

"It's for me to know and for you to find out", Laura Ingalls sister Carrie tells her. On Little house on the Prairie the Ingalls family is developing secrets during the Christmas season. "Christmas is not the time to ask questions" For the Ingalls family it's about working together sharing chores, to work more for nickles and dimes to surprise their family members with gifts. Carrie the oldest daughter makes her father a home made dress shirt while Laura sells her adored horse for a wood stove for her Mother. The thought. You know, I'm disappointed in myself that we couldn't live more like this. I constantly remind our children, not only at Christmas but through-out the year what life and family is about. Unfortunately preaching and living it is two different things. It's like the ole saying goes, "actions speak louder then words" or "Well done is better then well said" - Benjamin Franklin. Little house on the Prairie is not only a time of simplicity from our electronics, it's a time where family worked together. During Christmas with woven scarfs, knitted shirts and homemade craftsmanship's, everyone is happy without disappointments. Laura trading her beloved pony for a stove for her Mother had me in tears. Her Mother wanted to stop the transaction while Charles, Laura's father insisted it had to happen because she loved her Mother more. They all thought Laura was crying over the loss of her pony but it was because her father worked so hard on a saddle. In the end, looking upon a star - they had a very Merry Christmas! A television show that shows the true meaning of giving - love. Sitting around an open fire playing the violin, family just enjoying each other. The one and only Christmas gift I could ask for is joy within each other spending it together. I wish everyone a very thoughtful loving "Merry Christmas"

"Remain stabilized and equal"

As I'm having my tea this morning I have recognized once again that we're always focusing on our behavioral children. I've always known this. I also don't like using the word "Behaviour" but it's the easiest way to explain their actions. It seems that for my husband and I we're constantly trying to either relate or curb some of our children's behaviours. Our time mostly is generalized towards this. What about some of our children that are relatively quiet and better behaved? Sometimes I find that dealing with different scenarios with the same key children take away from the ones that I call shadows. Now with stating this I'm completely aware who and why gets most of our attention. My husband and I always talk about how we can acknowledge our little shadows. A few years ago we started taking out certain children to dinner, movies and other activities that they might enjoy. It's still a excellent idea to do although we don't make it a habit just for our shadows, our other children that take up our time at home still need to be acknowledged in a positive way also. Usually that consists of the one on one "Mother" speech. It's quality time not quite like the others because my main objective is to council in my own way. Not to just listen but to hopefully in a repetitive way make some sense onto why life is the way it is. In our life with children with FAS, we're always trying explain everything in black or white, over and over again. Usually our morning consists of a speech in hopes our day will have positive results. Unfortunately once out the front door everything I talked about was forgotten. I'm back to square one but something we've accepted with raising our children is repetitiveness. I really really believe that if you don't have the consistency chaos could surface. For us, as much as our children can detest our rules, the future outcome will outweigh with positive results. (Hopefully) So it's worth to stay strong within how you need or want to raise your children because that's the fundamental skills they will remember come adulthood. I keep reminding myself our children won't appreciate and/or understand their childhood until into their thirties. With writing this we do see and have witnessed many glimpses of appreciation but for example; I now in my late thirties with children continually reflect back and remember different things that my Mother or Father did. I understand the "whys" on my consequences, I give my Mother full recognition for who I am today. Without my parents supervision, rules and yes some expectations on how I'm suppose to present myself in this world, I would be lost. So as much as our children can complain or even argue about our rules, from what I've learned from my parents stick. This is why repetitiveness doesn't bother me from one day to another because eventually my point on how to behave will be acknowledged. Maybe not now but later when life is most important, when our children are adults with children on their own. In the meantime, we continually move forward as parents they need. (Perhaps not want sometimes) Ha ha. We are always aware and circulating quality time accordingly for our children. Yes it's a fact we spend a lot of effort and energy on our more "behavioural" children but if you're like us, a larger family, remember the shadows. Don't leave anyone behind. And believe that what you're doing as a caring parent will pay off.

"Good ole days"

Our weekend was very home based, it almost seems unusual for our family to stay home for a weekend. One highlight that my husband and I don't do very often is go out for dinner. On Friday night we went out with another couple who we adore. In fact we just love them and their children except on Friday night it was just adults! It was nice. My husband as always when he gets speaking, he talks about the good ole days. The good ole days consisted of episodes that you don't want to share with your children! Jumping 4X4's, hucking green pine cones at each other, driving vehicles backwards past police stations, sliding sideways through stop signs, jumping from one car to another while waiting for the intersection lights to change and his old Ontario days. It reminds me of the show Dukes of Hazard! It's interesting how the generation has changed because even when I was a child my Mother wasn't telling me to go outside, she was yelling for me to come in! I made mud patties, climbed trees and loved playing in the woods. I didn't have a computer, Ipods, game systems or cell phones. I had the great outdoors. When I was a teenager I had no rides, I walked everywhere. To phone a friend I had to stand in the kitchen near the wall where the phone hung, usually my sister and I would fight over the one phone. (I will admit we hit each other in the head with it!) Funny I remember when my sister and I would lay on the couch together and if our feet touched, it was war! Our feet would kick each other until our Mother would yell at us to stop! Children haven't changed in that way but unfortunately they've changed needing electronics. One of our house rules is games aren't allowed until they've played like children I remember. Then their time playing games are limited. We have one house computer but our children have to do a chore for access and again time is limited. Our older teenagers, age 16, 17 and 20 bought their own computers and have more access of course. My husband keeps saying that the kids now-a-days don't know how to play and they're not "tough" enough. They definitely bore quickly and easily. If we don't plan their day they are suddenly "bored" Yes it's not like the good ole days. It's interesting sharing stories and understanding that it's a evolving generation. Back then I remember walking to and from school, doddling along. There was no worry of being kidnapped or assaulted. At least it wasn't as common. I really enjoy the older television series such as "Little house in the Prairie" because they worked hard and together as a family. It was simplistic without the influences of television and computers. Even the Hannah Montana shows that the children love these days are full of cheap ignorant comments then the audience laughs, cheers it on. I personally don't understand why the generations are getting so unappreciative and selfish to the point where the family meaning is irrelevant. I as a Mother try to teach the importance of family, what it means to have each other, to respect and to have compassion for each and every one of us. For the most part, I have witnessed in our children this love I'm constantly writing about. But there is that generation gap that's completely different and I understand and blame technology. Our children just look at us as old. So it's nice to sit and reminisce the past with others that completely can relate. Chuckle and have a great time remembering the good ole days.

Everyone needs "Love" and "Family"

December 16th and 17th my daughter and I are going to Carrie Underwood at the Rodgers Place. (GM Place) This will be her first big concert in the big city. We have two days to wander the streets window shopping while for her experiencing a completely different lifestyle. Every time I'm in a large city I'm reminded on how truly blessed we all are living in rural areas. The space, the privacy and most importantly the clean fresh air. Usually with me walking the streets I have a hard time passing by the homeless. I'm not wanting to give them money for habits they might have, I usually give them food. What I will have in my backpack will be wrapped food items and socks that they can either wear on their hands or feet. Something light and easy to pack while window shopping. I don't fear people and usually no one wants to cause harm. The city is packed with individuals coming and going. I really think this is the next best thing other then leaving to a Third World Country where our daughter will understand the impacts of addiction, of being homeless and mostly ignored; while people walk by pretending their existence isn't there. The morning of the 16th we will walk, take buses and sky-trains, see a concert, stay in a hotel - we're having our time together but most importantly she's going to see another side of this small world she won't want to be a part of but develop compassion for. When we were visiting with our Grandma through adoption we were discussing about drug addicted street people, many that are birth parents of our children. Honestly years ago I didn't care about the birth parents. Especially after hearing abusive stories. Now of course we still protect our children and our privacy. Although within myself I'm finding understanding, reason and if these individuals had supports in place, I wonder if their life could change? I'm not writing about professional supports, I'm writing about family. (Love) Some stability, a home. Understandably people don't want to subject themselves to people that can potentially cause harm, steal and bring the drug dealers home. I also know a huge factor is that the sick don't want help and when they do, it's so hard to trust. I think we need more group based homes for adults wanting help that isn't expensive. Where there is stable loving genuine people looking after the home qualified with dealing with addictions. I guess I just explained what rehab looks like. Although I think when these individuals hear "Rehab" it's a forced pressure that scares them running. Also when they feel like they've lost everything, their family, their children - why on earth would they want to change? That's why I'm stuck believing that everyone needs a family. Rehab and different types of professionals aren't the answer they seek. Yes the first step they need for recovery but without a loving family member, why would they? I truly feel sorry for these people just lost and the only thing that helps is drugs. Individuals no one should judge because until you can walk a mile in their shoes, you have no idea. "Mmm" I'm a deep thinker. Probably one of my most time consuming slightly frustrating traits! So moving on, this December will be a month to remember, many changes that is bringing sentimental time for each and every one of us. Even though our children have come from loss and a history of abuse, every year we're developing fundamental skills that we hope will help them into their adulthood. We have never said we're the perfect family but trying not to be bias, I think we're a family worth growing up in. No matter what, we'll always be here and when we're not, there will always be a sibling. Something that everyone needs - family - including the street people.

"Our black bears"

I used to religiously write but lately my thoughts have been scattered with several different elements in our life. In fact surprisingly enough our life is positively mellow tone. We do have a resident black bear. We've seen him lurking around but he mainly hangs out at our neighbors house. When speaking with our neighbor they've had nothing but problems, constant garbage eating, the bear destroyed their compost area and has been on their porch peering in. We told her that we don't have these issues probably because our home is full of loud children and barking dogs! She then asked to borrow some children! Since we started this new garbage collection, one week food waste only, we've had an increase in wild animals. This black bear has found it easy to access food in our area and is becoming a nuisance. The conservation officer has been called but this black bear seems extremely intelligent dodging the officers attempts to find him. After all if I was the bear, I would know exactly when it's safe to come out too! As much as I write that wild animals can be a nuisance and a worry for our safety, I feel for their confusion. We have taken over their forest with building construction. Who's to say this isn't the black bears home? Correct me if I'm wrong but generally speaking I think that the animals aren't interested in us nor trying to frustrate us with the endless spreading of our garbage. Really, if I was a bear I would be thinking "Thank you for the food" Being that we're in their forest putting out samples. I really hope when the bear is found that he's brought further into his territory rather then ending his life. It saddens me to hear another animal has been deceased simply because he's lost, confused and only eating what's been put out for him. Of course we're not feeding the bear - like written above, he's enjoying the food waste and composts. A regular smorgasbord! I've read that black bears roam large territories, the males might wander a 15 to 80 square mile home range while the females usually give birth this time of year. Did you know that their cubs will stay with their mother for two protective years? The mother bears will nurse their cubs during the winter season until spring, then they will emerge searching for food. We always hear that bears hibernate this time of year but I read a fact that they are not true hibernators. During the winter period they won't eat, drink, urinate or defecate but will awake if disturbed. I think if anyone has a fear of a new lurking visitor (like anything) education is the key. Years and years ago we had a wolf family on our property. Another story that reminds me of a scene off of the "Little house on the Prairie" where the wolves would surround the home, pace back and forth on the front deck. I would have reoccurring dreams of wolves but after facing my fear and educating myself on the animal, I was cured of my endless worry. The dreams stopped. Sometimes we have to learn to live with them and with caution. Kind of reminds me of teenagers. (Smile) Come to think of it black bears and teenagers have common traits, they usually surface at night, sneak into the food leaving evidence they were there, sleep until odd hours of the day, roam again when hungry and grunt when somethings not just right. Huh - we're more closer to the wild then we think!