Adoption Christmas Party cancelled.

Due to some family obligations that have come up, we have to cancel our Adoption Christmas Party for this year. I do apologise and next year it will be back on! Dec 2013.

Goldendoodles!

It's just been confirmed that our dog Wilbur successfully impregnated Marley. Two non-shedding mini-labradoodles. Marley is due Nov 15th. I'm not the breeder. I just have the stud. Back in August I wrote about our interesting experiences with Wilbur's first visit to the vet that didn't involve shots!. If you haven't read that post and need a laugh, here it is: http://hohnsteins.blogspot.ca/2012/09/accomplishments-with-different-twists.html Just scroll down to the last paragraph to the semen collection. Well it worked! Right now I have no idea how many puppies will be born although the breeder introduced me to Skype. I've heard about this site before where you can see each other while chatting. Basically a live online web cam. I was never interested until now. The breeder informed me that the birth of these puppies will be on live, then you can follow the growth of the puppies at all times through skype. So I made an account. I thought what I great opportunity for our children to watch puppies grow, play, eat and whatever else they do. In order to follow the puppies live online, you do have to make an account and download skype. After that, around Nov 15th when the puppies are due, the live video should be available. Under goldendoodles all lower cased one word. If you're interested in a puppy, they are $1000.00. From experience with our dog Wilbur, they are very loyal, loving and very gentle. Great family pets and great around children. And many children! I've had many breeds and these mini-labradoodles I've found to be the best. Intelligent and quick to train. A breed that is fun, playful but laid back. (Not over the top, ADHD kind of dog) So if you're interested and want a loyal companion for the New Year, let me know. Marley the mother's temperament is exactly like Wilbur's. We had the honor of her visits while attempting to help the natural way for conception. Now a memory I'll never forget. (Ha ha) If interested; it's first deposit picks first until the litter is sold. Which is $500.00 then the other half is due when the puppy is picked up in the New Year. If not interested, you can still follow their birth and first 8 weeks live online! I thought this live online web cam was pretty cool. The breeder was explaining that the really neat thing about it is, the waiting owners can watch their puppies from day one. Or there has been occasions where people have chosen and purchased through watching on skype. Interesting our technology. I'm going to end this post with a funny picture I took of both parents. Marley is the slightly larger brindle colored dog hitting Wilbur in the face. Wilbur with his loving personality just squinted and took the abuse. After all.....she had a reason to hit him......it wasn't fun trying over and over again until being subjected to artificial insemination!

"My answers for almost impossible solutions"

There's been a few times I've been asked about different resources available for teenagers that are either completely defiant, or teenagers that are mentally ill and are hard to control at home or what I call independent seeking their own way. Also running away, not listening to the home rules, not accepting consequences and are either a risk to themselves or others at home. Or all of the above. The big question is, "What do you do?" "Where do they go if they can't be at home?" So, first off I'm not a professional. I'm only a mother with some experience that I'm going to provide. While I'm providing some of the resources I've learned that's available, I'm not going to discuss onto whom we've either needed it for or tried to access it for, for privacy reasons. First off , we have learned that there is not much you can do. Although I would suggest to always remain firm on your own home rules and conditions. You can control what's happening in your own home. It's taken us a few years figuring out different techniques and luckily for the rest of our children, we hope to be one step ahead of their game. This means prevention. We have our medicine cabinet and a pantry locked at all times. All our bleaches and other harmful chemicals are stored locked in our garage. We have two security cameras that can be moved in several different locations. (not bedrooms) No, we are not a prison. We are solving (hypothetically speaking) future scenarios and keeping our children protected. Our Internet access is limited. We found out that any electronic gadget including game systems (DS's for example) Ipod's, cellphones extra can access the Internet. So we have one main computer located in our kitchen where it's supervised with a password. Our home router has a password now that controls any wireless connection. We have motion detectors for movement in our home just in case the security system doesn't pick up an opening door. We are not paranoid, we're controlled with security like most homes these days but it not only keeps strangers out, it can warn us on when someone is leaving. Right now we don't have any issues......I'm just purely writing out ideas for other parents that are having issues that need help as I've had several questions come my way. Sorry, getting back on topic. Teenagers are never homeless. I've written a past post on this before. http://hohnsteins.blogspot.ca/2012/03/housing-run-aways.html  But if they can't come home because A. they don't want too B. they have too (because they've made themselves homeless) but they will not follow the family's conditions which leads to C. What then? There is some resources. Before it gets to this point.....if you're noticing signs from your teenager (mainly lying and sneaking behavior) and your teen is diagnosed with a disorder or mental illness, I would get a referral to the Queen Alexandra Centre. This centre has absolutely everything available and an area for youth mental health. Your child will begin receiving help being an out-patient and it will provide specialized inpatient mental health services if needed. Assessments for complex behaviors and much much more. It's a rehabilitation centre. Unfortunately our Government has given more rights then should be allotted for teenagers, for example; they have to consent. This is where I say, if you're noticing a problem - start intervention early. Young teenagers usually consent therefore you've established a paper trail within a controlled established with professionals. Document absolutely everything, letters, emails, facebook messaging, texting, keep a file on your child. Every time your teenager is involved with the Ministry, it's documented. Document the same way at home. Anything you can collect on your teenager the better.......(of course you're the enemy) you're the parent. Eventually years down the road, they'll thank you for being that consistent person that actually cared to take the time making their life as a teenager miserable. Parents that don't care, will allow their children to do whatever they want with no consequences. Another tip - stop believing a chronically lying and manipulating teenager. Stop supports such as money. And one tip once given to me, "Don't jump on their boat" State your piece and that's it. Now moving along, if the situation is beyond control and you believe that the teen is harmful to themselves and perhaps others, first call 911 and try consulting the Queen Alexander Centre to hopefully admit your child into the inpatient care unit. If it's housing a teenager away from home there is several different options. Try theYSA (Youth Services Association) It's affordable youth housing for 17-19 year olds under a safe and supportive atmosphere with conditions of no drugs, alcohol and violence. Of course there's an application process and limited accommodations. Another option, there is tons of places (furnished) housing with other young adults. Renting rooms. They start at $300.00 a month. With these options there's rules, regulations and conditions - it's still not ideal for a teenager unfortunately. So once the offer has been made and it's been refused there's nothing more you can do. In the end, if you've done everything you can - it's up to the independent seeking their own way teen and as rocky as it will be, eventually with their own determination and will.....they could succeed on their own. Who knows? That's a question without an answer. Raising behavioral teenagers sometimes doesn't have any good answers nor solutions, we just do the best we can do and proceed from there.

What I do know for sure, we all have a path. Even mine has taken different turns, it will continue to take different turns and so it will with our children too. We can do our best to direct although we ALL have a plan laid out for us and that includes the difficult teenagers with their own road as rocky as they choose it to be. I was told once, "I'm not the social worker for the world" "Nor am I God" No I'm not......I am the one still searching for all the answers too with just a glimpse of experience. So above is a few hopefully helpful tips to either try in your own home and a few resources to investigate for yourself if need be. For the ones that have asked for some ideas, I hope this helps and I made some sense. If anything, research and you'll be surprised what's out there that most of us are unaware of! "Good luck"

Enriching

Lately I've been focused on Christmas. I have a great start. I was constantly stared at in two separate stores within this past month as my carts were toppling over. I would like to say that I don't go over-board with Christmas. In all fairness to myself - our Christmas looks over the top because if you add even five gifts per child, we would have at least 70-75 presents under the tree just for our children alone! Now you can imagine adding in the stockings, and presents that come from other family members! Christmas morning unwrapping presents usually lasts until we eat dinner! Every Christmas my husband is collecting the garbage, fighting to untie doll hair from the boxes and assembling toys. I'm in the kitchen. This year I've decided to cook everything the day before. It will eliminate the kitchen somewhat. We aren't going and staying in a chalet at Mt. Washington. I will not subject ourselves to any possible blizzards and contaminated hot-tubs this year! I want a low-key less work (wishing) Christmas. As I plan, purchase and organize our Christmas the more I feel prepared. Besides that......my exercising halted. With the homeschooling, therapy appointments, doctor/specialist appointments extra......I've been somewhat "busy" My focus slightly shifted this fall season onto other things. I can still find that hour in my day but it's been directed to online homeschooling ordering and printing out planning for the next day. Lately, that's me in one big nutshell. (lol) Shifting the topic......on Sunday my Father and Mother came over for lunch. Every time one of our children have a birthday, they come providing a present. They live approximately an hour and a half away. They've been visiting frequently, they have attended some of our adoption events and have shown tons of support towards adoption and all their new grandchildren throughout the years. I've written about this before that when significant life changes happen, isolation can occur with family and friends. For us, having a large family; isolation definitely exists. I completely understand and have accepted any forms of distance between family and friends because every ones life is different. I know there is several reasons why our invites are minimal but that goes with the territory adopting many children. Most aren't used to the noise and any on-going stimulation of little quick bodies moving around or a sudden scream here and there. (Ha ha) For us living our life from day to day is what we know and what we're used too. It's only our normal, so that's where I understand. An outside family member did honestly say to me one time that she/he can't cope with some of our special needs. You know....honesty is the best medicine and because I know, I understand. Now when we have other family making miles, making the effort and really a part of our children's lives.....recognition doesn't go unnoticed. I've found even being an Auntie over and over again with my husband's brother's family (16 children) It's about me making the effort to be their Auntie. How enriched I am. Like my Father and Mother an hour and a half away and my Mother and Father in our area......our children love them. They're excited to see them. They embrace and accept every time they've made the effort to be in their lives. Having a family is key, having extended love within that family is a huge part of feeling accepted. Grandparents, Aunties and Uncles are important. So after having an afternoon with their grandparents, it not only enriched their day - I do believe it enriched their grandparents day! After all, Grandma left with tomato sauce all over her neck from a hug, she couldn't get that anywhere else! For me, regardless of any types of distance for whatever reason, the little times spent are definitely quality. And for the family and friends that go that extra mile, I can honestly say and what I think for sure - it's enriching for every ones souls and hearts. And a "Few things are more delightful than grandchildren fighting over your lap" - Doug Larson. And "We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves" - Henry Beecher. I really do love, appreciate and will always be grateful for my parents. That includes my mother Brenda and my father Stan because I've been enriched with four parents! Dad - I know you're reading.....I love you guys and "thank you" so much for being in my life and our children's lives! It means more then you know.

 I wanted to share a lunch I made, it was excellent! Homemade English pizza muffins!

Pre-toast the English muffins
Prepare the tomato paste with garlic, Italian seasoning, salt and pepper
Prep and dice, Jalapenos, yellow peppers, tomatoes, green onions, cook and dice bacon and shred jalapeno mozza cheese and cheddar cheese.
Add all ingredients to the English muffins, bake until melted.
Leave out bacon if Vegetarian
Experiment with food - "it's fun!"

And nothing is better then sharing it with people you love!

Chasing Mavericks

I recently watched a movie based on a true story called Chasing Mavericks. Mavericks is the biggest waves on earth. A young boy survived his childhood with his alcoholic Mother that kept loosing jobs one after another, slept from hangovers and there was no stability, no meals prepared and in order for their bills to be paid, the boy worked through his schooling years. This courageous boy was mature beyond his years and had one passion, surfing. He had no father figure until he met his neighbor, a man that surfed mavericks. From there, their relationship became strong, supporting each other with many life challenges. The man with surfing experience taught the boy to become the first youngest to surf one of the World's biggest waves. I like movies and books that are real. This movie had many inspirational teachings within the film. Surviving loss, dealing with grief, emotionally fronting your fears, accepting, forgiving, following your passions and loving another as a father, as a son and moving forward. Unfortunately the end wasn't what I suspected but all throughout this movie I was reading between the lines. It was heart felt. Before even going I heard it wasn't that good.......but I enjoy going to the movies and I was going to make my own opinion about this film. I thought it was inspirational. Of course I can relate anything with adoption. For this boy, he grew up in conditions that weren't idealistic. He wasn't adopted although the relationship he had with the man turned into the father figure he needed. For the two of them, they connected as a family. During the movie I kept thinking, "Wow, this kid is amazing. Focused. Passion driven. A genuine good kid helping his alcoholic mother while steering away from any teenage influences that existed all around him" "He always kept positive" He was even bullied to an extent because he was powerfully driven inside to do what's right. He made good choices. I don't want to ruin the movie so I can't really go in depth any farther although I do forewarn you, it's a tear jerker. Even afterwords I was thinking that if our young teenagers and adults could read between the lines during a movie, it might inspire many different changes. Including parents that aren't parenting. I think this movie covered both sides. Then of course, what the movie was more likely really intended for was his success, triumph and my word again......dedication. Teaching that if you want something bad enough, you will work for it and believe in yourself to achieve it. The title Chasing Mavericks doesn't just mean chasing waves, it means chasing what you believe in, accomplishing and mastering all your odds along the way. I suggest pass along my blog link (as I always hope to inspire) or read/watch the movie at least. What I do think for sure is everyone has the thought of achieving, bettering themselves or believing that they can.....like the little engine that could, "I think I can, I think I can" but the difference is this boy had will, dedication which means work and he succeeded the mavericks. With anything in life......"anything".....we just can't think it. We not only have to believe it, we have to work towards it - prove it. Thoughts and outwardly speaking is just a beginning of what can be, action is a powerful sequence of steps that must be taken while adding ongoing dedication to succeed. Not easy. Life style changes aren't easy. Goals aren't easy. If it's a maverick, a mission or a change - the first question is, "How important is it to you?" Then decide what you need to do from there............and remember the "cliche" - "Actions speak louder than words!" Then turn those baby steps into successful miles. Start with a night out to the movies watching, "Chasing Mavericks"

Happy Halloween & Happy Birthday Celebrations!

It was a pumpkin carving, seed roasting and dress-up birthday party weekend for our family. We ignored the rain pounding on our un-landscaped yard making mud puddles absolutely everywhere, instead inside our home was lit candles, the smells of garlic roasted pumpkin seeds and our living room was filled with Halloween costumes our children were trying on over and over. We played Halloween music and had a fun-filled Saturday having our own party! (Including a disco ball!) We did however venture out to one of our local haunted house events!  We spent hours carving eleven pumpkins. My husband and I were the supervisors while eleven of our children were gutting and carving their masterpieces. I won't lie.......it was a mess with hours of clean up but for one day a year, our children get carving knifes and interestingly their creations came to life with a soft glow. (Seen Below) Including mine! (Seen above) Go figure it's a "adopt" mini pumpkin and I didn't have to fight over my pumpkin, I loved it's size! Years and years ago I enjoyed Halloween. We would decorate our home and I would dress up ALL day on Halloween but now I don't like the candy, I don't like the candy wrappers, I don't particularly like the "trick or treating" We do however continue for our children's memories. I have started a new tradition on Halloween. For dinner they receive something spooky. One year I made edible tortilla bowls that consisted of anything inside. Eggs, gummy worms, black licorice - whatever - it was in there for dinner. Then today (Sunday) our festivities continued with one of our sons having his birthday party at the bowling alley, all his friends were dressed up and it was the cutest few hours watching a group of eight year olds throwing bowling balls in their costumes! Then some of us that didn't attend the birthday party went swimming. For our sons Halloween birthday I've always tried to be creative with their food. Instead of hot dogs, it was mummy-dogs. This Sunday it was green spiders with big black legs for cupcakes! It was truly a fun weekend. Our house smelled delicious with the roasted pumpkin seeds and the finished pumpkins all lit up! All our children had their costumes on while holding their finished pumpkins posing for a picture. Another successful spooky year of eye goosing, pumpkin vomit and creepy crawlers.

The beginning

                                                                       The carving

                                                                     The spiders

The mummy's

The goblins

And then......

During the bowling party I teared. I was so lucky that I was the only parent there. There was six friends of my sons, plus five of my children attending. Our littlest daughter was one of them. She has Cerebral Palsy and currently doesn't walk. I wasn't sure if she could bowl or not but our host working there helped us out. Witnessing her participate, seeing her so happy with such enthusiasm was delightful. It made her day. It made my day. I had four of our sons handing her bowling balls one after another and she played straight for one hour. She screamed with excitement getting five strikes! I teared because not all places cater to children with mobility challenges and it was so inviting for our daughter to be there attending instead of just watching. I was very touched today and most importantly so was our daughter. The picture below was our daughter with her hands up screaming with bowling ball excitement! The world is hers!

The score!

"What IF we didn't adopt?"

I've been thinking lately about our family. How it could have been so simple with having only three children. In fact, would have it been? I wonder if my three "birth" children would have been different regarding their personalities or how they feel about their life. I question where would we be now? Answering my questions truthfully, I doubt our three "birth" children's personalities would be different. Two of our sons are shy, and are clearly introvert. Our one daughter is completely career driven with her own opinions and explanations on how life should be. Two of our older children don't want children. They suggest it's because they have many siblings but I don't believe that.....I believe that they wouldn't regardless of having siblings or not. That's who they are. Our one son has always been unsociable but with saying that, he maintains a job (that involves people) he just finished lacrosse as a goalie, graduated and now is getting ready for his ski season. A young man that perhaps has struggled throughout his teen years with bouts of depression has clearly succeeded into a young adult making milestones. Our daughter is completely an extrovert, out-spoken and clearly on her own path which involves success. (money) Then we have our third birth child that I home-school, that is shy, quiet and reminds me a lot like his father. An easy child. Wow....two young adults moving on which would have left one birth child with no behaviors at all. For my two older birth children, their paths were laid out regardless because I left my first marriage. I did myself and them a favor. Do they have a better life? You betcha they do. Through our step-fathering struggles at first, they became my husbands children. Regardless of any situation, there is a transition period. Divorce, moving cities, schools to adoption placements - it's a life changing atmosphere we've lived and live. There is always negatives. Although the positives out weigh any negative that even myself can feel. I wouldn't change any of our choices throughout our years of different transition periods. What I have noticed is, our birth children (even if they don't want to admit it) have changed in several positive ways. Adoption has brought them many siblings, a life changing family. I've seen my birth children interact and accept their adoptive siblings into our family. Even as difficult as it was sometimes, I've seen that acceptance and interaction between brothers and sisters. Then there's been times where there's clearly sibling disputes, and sometimes the not understanding onto why our adoptive child would treat us horribly, makes adoption look like a mistake for birth members. There will always be the concerns, questions, and the unknowns which could develop into "what if we didn't adopt" but the reality is, we are all surviving together with some challenges from time to time questioning life. We would have questioned life and more likely complained about it without adopting children. That's what we do as human beings. So as I sit here contemplating what my life would have looked like - easy - I would have complained about it. Our birth children would have complained about it. The only difference is I would be working outside the home doing first aid, my husband wouldn't have started a home-based business, (he would also be working outside our home) we wouldn't be in dept with a big house and we would have less children to look after but I doubt it would have been any easier. Less challenges yes - easier - I believe life isn't meant to be easy regardless our paths. Living, developing our skills and experiences is what we're meant to do. For our children, that's what they're doing, learning, experiencing, and regardless if it's difficult at times or not, it's developing strengths and improvements within ourselves a long the way. So as we move forward as a larger family with many different transitions, we all will grow together, learn to know one another over and over with age and despite all our separate opinions about what we should look like, how we should be - we just will be the best we can be. I've stated this before, I don't separate our children into birth/adoptive labels unless I'm addressing certain topics. All our children are our children. I just wanted to touch base on the "what if we didn't adopt" and on how I feel what that would of looked like for our birth children, for myself and my husband. Concluding, if I can turn back time and do things differently, would I? No. I don't see how it would have been any better and/or any easier. What I "think"  for sure......personalities started from genetics, how we build and enhance them is on ourselves with time. Our family dynamics and surroundings is just a piece to our life puzzle. Our birth children wouldn't have had it any better, our adoptive children wouldn't be together as siblings - so if we didn't adopt - it WOULD have looked differently but not as positive as it does now.