Putting up the tree in 42 seconds!

My husband putting up our Christmas tree in record time! A laugh for you!

Sentimental Dusting

My husband and I tonight were cleaning and moving around our living room. We are officially 100% finished our home! Well until the next quest.........the nice part of tonight was we moved my one and only display cabinet back into our living room. This is a cabinet I've had since eighteen years old. Inside are sentimental items that I've been keeping for over twenty years! While I was dusting, I found our eleven year olds baby foot, I found our eight year old son's thumb. At the top of this cabinet I and my husband's cake topper sits from 1999! It was a red and white wedding, the cake topper now looks like a light purple. The reason I kept this (made of royal icing) is because our wedding vehicle model sits nicely on top that we built together. Inside is us, little people with distorted eyes. I tried to dust it but the little tiny pretend flower buds all over the car were falling off. It was a fond day to remember. I sat dusting and it triggered conversation with our eleven and thirteen year olds. I explained that life moves quickly and these are just little reminders for me of my past. Most of the items were over 20 years old. There was always a story behind them. Sometimes another Country. So while I dusted and was putting away, I reminded them that this is an area not to be tampered with. "Please don't" I expressed. I continued to show them a little crystal angel that was holding my birth stone. This little angel was given to me over ten years ago from my boss. A boss that I loved dearly who isn't with us today. He wasn't just my boss, he was a part of my life. So items aren't just items sometimes......they have meaning behind them. My three sons seemed like they were listening closely. So I picked out three ornaments that were over twenty years old, they have some value, a sentimental attachment for me and I said, "This is now yours" I explained it's history, the value and what it meant for me. I'm hoping these little objects will hold some value for them too. This is the first time for them I made the attempt to give them something important to look after. What I hope is;  it means as much to them, as my angel does to me. It is teaching them that it's not the object itself but the meaning behind it, for them - I hope it's me. I hope they realize that I cherished this item for over twenty years, the dust is well established and I gave it from my heart. I always write about how material items aren't important so here I am being slightly hypocritical about some of my ornaments but it's like pictures, you pick it up, look at it and it brings back so many memories of something or someone. That's what makes it special, really not the item itself but the background of its existance. So our boys left happily holding in their hands their Mother's sentimental treasures. I felt good giving them these in hopes they'll hold them tight remembering it's not about the item, it's its history. So we will see........it's a beginning and I really hope it was a night of dusting that they'll never forget.

"The temptation is high at the (shopping mall) school"

(I took down the "Google Image" as my perception was misunderstood. I apologize. It wasn't our son)

Recently one of our sons has been stealing. Stealing from school and from his friends. Just last Friday he stole from his one and only best friend. A friend that lives down the street who he has play dates with. Unfortunately they've been cancelled. Lately at our school the PAC (Parent Advisory Council) is on a mission to raise funds. I completely understand that raising money for our children is a great idea although sometimes it becomes "too much" A few years ago I was the Secretary for our schools PAC, now I don't even acknowledge there is one. On behalf of myself this sounds quite ignorant but it's too much "drama" for me. (Sorry) So lately there has been numerous bake sales held during school hours. Now here's where we have issues with this - our children are limited sugar. I also make enormous healthy lunches with my own baked goods accordingly for each of our children. So I told our children, "No money for the bake sale, you have great lunches with your own baked goods inside" The temptation is too high for our children. So our one son decides he's entitled to buy baked items with this money he found. Explaining theft to him was like explaining what makes an airplane fly. It was very confusing for him. He explained the money was sitting right there and he wanted to buy some goodies. After all everyone else was buying goodies, why not him? This is another reason I don't agree selling items at school should be during the school hours, all the children and including their parents feel they have too to make sure it's fair for their child. This puts us parents in a battle that shouldn't exist. When my husband was speaking to our sons teacher, she also stated that she couldn't even teach that afternoon because of all the wired children stemming from this bake sale. I keep explaining that it's not about the money, it's about listening to our reasoning's (as parents) on why you're not allowed purchasing items at school. So with all this fundraising happening, we've seen an escalation (an opening) to steal because if everyone else can, why can't I? Another one of our sons "borrowed" money to buy a book after I told him "No books" These book sales seem to be every month! I keep explaining that we're not buying every time a pamphlet is handed out to buy! Usually we'll buy everyone a book through school at the end of their school year. I try to develop traditions, routines that they will understand and follow but again the temptation is too high. Their entitlement remains because the school is allowing it. Anything I try to prevent at home gets caught floating in the wind somewhere. It can be very frustrating. Ultimately we (I) can't control on how our Society works because I would change the push to spend on our children, leave it until after hours. I'm also not naive, the temptation is everywhere but we could leave it out of our schools. (My opinion of course) We don't take any theft lightly. So our son started with his lines after school. Then followed by an apology letter attached with double the amount of money taken that he's working off. I don't believe his consequences are harsh by no means. Meaning our children really need to grasp the concept that taking anything that isn't theirs is wrong. Even if it's found, it's not theirs. There is a owner for everything until proven otherwise. With some of our children with FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) Their thoughts are simply, "I found it" without recognizing they're stealing it. So taking 50 cents can increase to taking an idling car (because it's simply running) to heading into someones home because the door was left open. As their Mother I'm completely protecting our children's future with the necessary consequences provided and it's repetitious! The sad conclusion is a friend was upset and now possibly not a friend anymore. As I explained to our son "taking something" creates more then being reprimanded, it's the trust that's being lost and the feelings of having once a good friend to no friend at all. That's the most upsetting consequence especially when friends are limited and hard to come by!

"Power to everyone"

I've been occasionally catching the reality television show called, "Sister Wives" It's a reality situation that involves a Polygamous marriage. Meaning more then one wife. In this case, there is four wives sharing one husband with multiple children per wife. If I watch any television, TLC is the first channel I surf. I personally wouldn't choose to live this way. Although I'm the type of person that loves to be educated with all the different lifestyles out there, the different cultures, different religions and belief systems, so being enlightened through certain reality shows is quite fascinating. I definitely don't judge nor pass any criticism, I do however inside myself say, "Bravo for sharing, so individuals like myself can learn and perhaps understand" After all I completely understand why they need to advocate on "why" and on "how" it works because I advocate daily with our large family built through adoption. Honestly I don't know what defines normal because if we have an open mind and accept that everyone is different - that is their/our normal. Instead of trying to change someones belief, on how they live, it's easier to just accept that our world is a diverse place. I believe it's created that way so we can experience, learn and have the right to choose who we are. It's extraordinary. I believe in respecting ones chosen life. If it makes you happy, a confident individual and there's no harm to anyone else or children then there's nothing wrong with the way you live. Today while putting laundry away, doing my usual daily tasks I was contemplating my life. It was a rainy windy weekend and our children were sometimes climbing the walls, my husband was obsessing over his sixth coat of finishing stain on the living room beams, one of our dogs rolled again in horse poo, one of our daughters vomited all over the living room floor - it was almost a typical day. Interestingly enough, I didn't contemplate any of that above. I questioned myself and my beliefs. I know it's a real personal and sensitive conversation when it revolves around religions, spiritual beliefs and practically on how each and every one of us lives. I'm learning something new everyday because my belief is to educate myself about absolutely everything, to logically accept and respect regardless if I believe something or not. I will incorporate what makes sense to me in our life and I will not disrespect anything else. To define who I am; I am someone who takes bits and pieces from every culture and the outcome consists of genuine acceptance of everything and everyone. Compassion for all no matter what path is leading them. Personally if that's slightly mixed up then I'm happy and confident to live this way. Watching "Sister Wives" I noticed some confusion for their children but reality is our lives are confusing no matter how we're living it. I also noticed lots of love and at the end of our day, that love and acceptance is sometimes all we need for tomorrow. We all make mistakes and we're not perfect. (If we don't make mistakes, we don't learn) For our children I want them to experience, to learn through their mistakes, to find who they are and become who they'll be most happiest. I would be completely satisfied if my children were happy being Buddhist, Christian, Spiritual with their Native beliefs, if they want to incorporate bits and pieces like their Mother, or absolutely none of it; they can be whomever they want to be as long as they're happy. For myself to be honest, I'm done contemplating. I don't ever speak unless asked about what I believe and truthfully, I can honestly understand the power in everything. I think that having education around all the belief systems helps understand that really, everyone is on the same page, just slightly living it differently. These are just my thoughts, no power to them........no double edged sword. I'm just a huge thinker, analyzing everything and hoping for the best lives possible for everybody no matter how they live it or how different they are!

Christmas Shoes

"I admit, I am crazy"

I have a certain amount of hours to Christmas shop sporadically on different days where there isn't any other appointments happening. Today I managed to squeeze in three and a half hours! Before I go each time, I have a list of maybe four children that I'm concentrating on. I know exactly what I'm looking for and usually where. I do price checking before hand. While shopping I'm always keeping my eyes open for great deals. I won't lie......I get really excited when something seems just right for someone and it's on sale! Tomorrow is Black Friday in the States. Black Friday is traditionally the first Christmas shopping day with extremely low prices after the United States Thanksgiving Holiday. If I was prepared, I would of went just for the experience. Although getting back into Canada following the Black Friday would prove interesting with my van loaded of Christmas presents. So I've never been tempted to try it! I can hear the headlines all over the News, Mother of Fourteen smuggles enormous amounts of goods the day after Black Friday! For the States, it's their busiest shopping day all year. I can just imagine the crowds of people fighting over "Rocking Elmo" It reminds me of the movie "Jingle all the way" where that last popular toy was sold out and two fathers did everything humanly possible to get it. I remember one year when the movie "Toy Story" was big and one of our sons loved that show. He loved Woody. This was the toy. When I went to buy it, it was all sold out. Everywhere! We have friends that live in Corona California and I asked, "Can you please send Woody?" Then just before Christmas more Woody's came in stock, so I purchased one quickly. I wasn't sure if the Woody coming from California was going to make it. By December 25th, we had two Woody's! Last year I left the advent calendars until last minute! I looked everywhere for those silly chocolate calendars and our children went without. (not that big of a deal) Although it bothered me more then anything else! SO as soon as I seen them, I picked up a stack full! As you can tell, I have this sentimental "issue" with Christmas. I remember fondly my childhood Christmas's. When I awoke Christmas morning, my sister and I would be so thrilled with our home made cabbage patch dolls our Mother made. Back then, the cabbage patch dolls were the "big" in thing but they were roughly $60.00 each! Expensive. My mother made her own designed as family members. I also remember she made me this big green frog. A frog that I sat on while watching Gilligans Island and Little house on the Prairie. Times sure have changed.........but I have these memories that will last forever, memories I want our children to have. So really, it's not about the shopping, the material items, it's about some surprises, making a magical morning in hopes they will continue for their own children. Just like our month of December......it's about platters of food, family games and enjoying each other - building up to that day I fondly remember as a child. My husband STILL brings out his stocking that he made when he was five! It's made of felt. Santa's beard is ripped off. He could be missing an eye. BUT every year he brings out his stocking, hangs it by the fireplace. Every year he tells the story about his stocking. (Very cute actually) The funny thing about it is, I can't fit anything into it. It's so old and fragile that every time I push something into it, another felt part falls off! Throughout December we always watch "Christmas Vacation" with Chevy Chase and all the other classics. Two of my favorites are "Christmas in Plum Creek" - Little house in the Prairie and "The Christmas Shoes" You know, as much as I shop for some material items our children want - in the end, it's the thought what counts. It's all about the memories. It's a cycle that I as a Mother want our children to continue. Above is one of my favorite songs and show - "The Christmas Shoes" Only one more month to Christmas everyone! Exactly! And I admit, I am crazy - over Christmas!

"Emotionally, who are we all?"

Today was a day I questioned my parenting on how to handle a situation with one of our children. I'm not going to get into detail for privacy reasons. Although after the situation I starting thinking about the time when my husband and I was so excited to meet our new child. It was an older adoption but we were excited because our waiting was finally over. We had a years wait after the match. It took months of pre-placement visits before placement. It took several months for an exception from the band. For us, adopting older children was just as exciting as having a baby. Looking at their pictures, the color of their eyes, how BIG their feet were, we were just so thrilled to have new children. At the beginning of our adoption journey we had this hope that if we provided a good stable loving home, we could have these wonderful changed children. Attachment Disorders? "They would attach" is what I thought. From the moment we met our new children, it was rough. Their behaviors were different but they were beautiful anyway. Something about adoption is, when you know they're your children, you look beyond their faults. There is this glimmer of hope for bigger and better future possibilities. All we want is what's best. Birth or adopted children, they're all the same. It's not always an adoptive child that disappoints. The difference is an adopted child wants at some point to know their birth family. Good, bad or indifferent it will happen eventually if openness isn't already established. With some of our children I always thought they would never know their birth family because of the reported history of neglect and addictions. It was my job as their Mother to protect them from their past and possible future influences. Strangely enough I smile writing this because there comes a time in life where we can't protect our children from anything. Ultimately my role as their protective Mother switches to letting them learn, experience for themselves. I've been learning something too.......we've had two teenagers seek out their birth family on different occasions. While they've done this, they aren't so nice anymore. As some are aware our oldest son is now home after two years of "soul searching" who he is. It wasn't pleasant. What I've learned is some of the birth family that I thought I'd never communicate with, I have and regardless of the past or what could still remain in the future - we all have the same thing in common. Our children. They counted their toes too. Our circumstances are different. I've learned that adoptive parents aren't valued as "real parents" with most birth families because of their losses. I've found that there's still confusion that their children are still in foster care. I'm finding with proper healthy communication with some birth family that these grey areas are finally being understood. I, the adoptive Mother didn't steal your child. I'm not a horrible person manipulating your child's feelings towards you. I'm simply a Mother loving those little toes you once counted. A mother that when laid eyes on your child, that waited more then nine months, made enormous sacrifices and unconditionally welcomed your child from age nine, age eleven and on..... only had one thought - was to love but not perfectly. Some of the clashes we've experienced with birth family is understandable, meaning I completely understand the feelings around their loss due to the circumstances. I've been thinking - (because I do that) I wouldn't change anything. In fact, I'm grateful for connecting with some of our children's birth family, (birth family I thought we wouldn't) because there is some we have different forms of openness with. I'm also at peace (in my heart) with our two teens that have been actively searching and connecting with their family. I truly believe that my decision to parent acknowledging our children's needs to face their unknowns with their birth family is the right choice. It's taken me seven years of being afraid to feeling comfortable knowing that whatever the outcome may be, it had to be done. Eventually however our children choose to venture, if it's done respectfully or completely with a 360 of behaviors and lies, emotionally we all need to find ourselves in this world and where we came from. Our children with attachment disorders are at risk but I will never allow myself to loose hope that we're the ones they've finally attached too. The same hope we had during our placements; to make a difference and to simply love a child.