If you fall, I'll be there - Floor

In the midst of our forever changing, challenging and busy life I decided to do something for me. I have been contemplating this for weeks. Finally I decided to stop procrastinating and I just went for it! I will say I landed on the floor more then ten times! People might suggest that I'm going through a midlife crisis and actually they could be right! I'm definitely perimenopausal! Anyhow there is worst things I can be doing then landing on the floor! I have always been the type to spread my wings, do things that are different and challenging in one form or another. Probably why I have sixteen children and three dogs! For me, I always need to be busy. I feel my best when my day has been productive. I also believe if there's anything that scares us, or we're afraid because it's out of the "normal" or physically it just can't be manageable in our own minds, we need to open those four walls and somehow build an octagon. Challenging ourselves is up there with changing ourselves - it takes dedication, determination and believing. I've always been afraid of failure. However if you haven't failed, you haven't even tried. Lately I have been noticing that my nights are a continuation of my day if I'm not switching it up. I'm not normally a television watcher except for Survivor, and I don't normally go out anywhere unless it's to an occasional movie. I started feeling a little lost. So I joined and had my first night at Pole Sisters. Pole fitness and dancing. It's as hard as it looks and it challenges me in every area. Including being under dressed, having bare feet, swinging and climbing up and around a pole with other woman. Becoming dizzy. And yes, falling on the floor over and over again. It's amazingly fun! After my first night I could barely function physically for two days BUT I'm ready to return! I thought I would share because as crazy as you might think I am, if I can do this, you can do whatever is calling out to you! Just keep telling yourself that you're not going to procrastinate anymore, you are not going to doubt yourself, that you can do anything and you can make the time to do it. This is how we all become who we are and this is not only something for ourselves, it shows our children who we are too, and that's not just a parent, that we're individuals and individuals teaching our children to reach for those stars and that anything is possible. For me, I see stars when I hit the floor but that soon shall pass too! Whatever it is - go after it! If I can, you can!

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. Nelson Mandela

Dec 10th Christmas Party!

Once again we are hosting our annual Christmas party! All adoptive, families interested in adopting, and family and friends are invited! It's a potluck, and you need to bring a labeled present per child  (first and last name) for Santa's bag! There will be prizes, crafts, dancing and a scheduled talent show! Practice your talents and we will practice ours! Please RSVP and msg for anymore details! We continue to run our party because of its success and we want to see more friends and family this year! It's an event not to miss! December 10th! Mark it on your calendars!

I'm also looking for some feedback. This Christmas party has been designed around our children. I was wondering if the parents attending would be interested in some gift changing themselves? A friend mentioned that we could play the gift stealing game. So I was thinking, (to make this easy) any one interested could just bring a gift under $10.00 and the stealing can then begin with the participants during the party! Let me know what you think!? Sounds like fun to me!

I would love to know roughly who's attending, so if you could, please comment your numbers. This includes not only yourself, your children, this includes any one that you want to bring, a grandma or a friend. AND lastly please share this event! More the merrier! Until then, I leave you with this...... 

"By choosing to be our most authentic and loving self, we leave a trail of magic everywhere we go" 

The Hohnsteins = The Munsters

We are not quite like the "Brady Bunch" or the "Partridge Family" So if  I were to compare us to a sitcom television show it would be "The Munsters"

When you are walking down the street at night
And behind you there's no one in view.
But you hear mysterious feet at night, 
Then the "Hohnsteins" are following you.

If you should meet this strange family
Just forget what some people have said,
The Hohnstein's may shake your hand clammily
But they're not necessarily dead.

Behind their house you mustn't be afraid
To see a figure digging with a spade.
Perhaps someone didn't quite make the grade
With the Hohnsteins, with the Hohnsteins.

If when you're sleeping you dream a lot,
Ghoulish nightmares parade through your head,
And then you wake up and scream a lot,
Oh the Hohnstein's are under your bed.

At midnight if creatures should prowl about,
And if vampires and vultures swoop down.
And werewolves and fiends shriek and howl about,
Oh the Hohnsteins are out on the town.

One night I dared peak through their window screen,
My hair turned white at such a crazy scene.
Because every evening its Halloween
At the Hohnsteins, at the Hohnsteins. 

These lyrics date back from the original "At home with The Munsters" in 1964. Credited to Bob Mosher. 

I'm slightly being a bit theatrical about comparing ourselves to the Munsters however there is never a dull moment around here. In the first picture above we were celebrating our oldest sons twenty third birthday while wishing him all our best. He recently moved to Toronto with his girlfriend. During this day we learned to cook a Norwegian dinner tradition called Potato Klubb or also known as Potet Balls. A yummy staple dish consisting of carrots, turnips and pork ribs. We did make a vegetarian batch for us non meat eaters! Our family dinners are always on schedule, and our kiddos always have their own spots at the table. This solves any beheading that could emerge. (Just kidding) Speaking of family tables! I am very excited about our new look! Our table was looking pretty shabby so we purchased black paneling, then we designed our own spots with chalk. Then we added plexiglass to protect the art. The ultimate beauty is we can change the design whenever we want and or add the changing of the seasons. Fun! In conclusion it's not just about "spots" or "ownership" it's about connection. Feeling and remaining a part of a family. That's why our home is uniquely designed with our photographs, art and culture. Keeping it real always.

Family is everything!

At the end of the day we are thankful we're still here and connected to each other, even if it's in mysterious ways! 

Thank you for being patient with me and accepting all my grammar mistakes! I'm going to persevere and hopefully find my writing again! 
AND some sleep! 

The other side of illness

It's been a year since my husband survived MRSA that went through his complete system causing sepsis and a magnitude of life changing physical and mental challenges. I was hoping to come back and write all the positives that I used too. I smile when I see the sparrows dancing in the sky, it reminds me of that post where I watched these beautiful birds flying and that triggered an enlightening and good story. I often look at pictures from our past, and reflect on how we once were. Illness changed us. I was really hoping by now that we could move forward. Don't get me wrong, we continually move forward day by day however my husband suffers from severe chronic pain, serious heart and organ complications. His brain damage has given him memory loss adding daily frustrations. There is nothing that we can do. I feel sorry for him. I feel sorry for our family. I feel sorry for our children. Every morning I check to see if he's still breathing. Today, I had my own doctors appointment. He told me that I need to stay healthy due to all the unknowns with my husband. Our doctor teared up stating he realized how important it is for me to remain healthy and strong. What does that mean? For my husband he continues with his weekly blood tests and ongoing MRI's. The MRI's have shown no change. His blood levels every time are escalated. For us we don't know what the next day will bring. There's days where he can't get out of bed due to his spinal damage and his nerves are creating spontaneous partial paralysis. When I was speaking with our doctor today I said it's very sad for a wife, and for our children to witness his daily struggles that limit his quality of life. How do we remain positive? How do I not check to see if he's breathing the next day? I was told today (not that I haven't heard it before) that what happened to my husband no one survives and to date they are baffled onto why his body isn't recuperating. Anyone that knows my husband knows that he is strong, determined, stubborn and has a high pain tolerance AND here is a man I see cry because he can't walk properly down the hallway due to dizziness some days. Now....as we remain "positive" we also know what the doctors keep telling us, "It's unfortunate" As I first aider I keep taking his blood pressure and he's completely in hypertension with a rapid pulse, I keep hoping it keeps going up and down so it doesn't cause a heart attack. AND no, there's no point going to emergency, because at this point it's not an emergency. Kinda waiting for that.... Waiting.... When.... What.....and where..... In the meantime (truthfully) this is the other side of illness. The core to everything - monitoring. I always try to have a smile on my face. When I pick up our kids from the public school or activities, I stay in our van catching up on emails, and people watching. I watch healthy people and once again feel sorry for my husband that struggles daily. I can't help it...it's not fare. We are persevering, we are continuing to experience and live our lives as best as we can but it's not a life I would wish onto anyone. Hence why I haven't written. However now that I've reopened this door and I have received a huge response to write again, I am. It has and is therapeutic. Regardless our health challenges, I still truly believe that everything happens for a reason. I'm not sure why this has happened to us and maybe the reason will never become clear. I don't know yet. I do know with every experience in our life, it's used to learn. Then to support. Then to teach......

For example, this summer our second oldest son was crushed in between a hydraulic picker and a cement wall. His groin was crushed and his femur was broken completely in half. When he called me from his work site while waiting for the ambulance I was so distraught. So so so upset and I think that's because of everything else we have been going through. Anyhow he underwent surgery and he asked to come home for his recovery. We set up a bedroom with an adjustable bed and to date he's still here getting around comfortably with his crutches while receiving physiotherapy. Now I don't wish this on anybody and especially my own child however since he's been here it's been so calming for my own heart. We also have been rekindling the past, talking more and spending time with each other that might not have happened if this unfortunate event didn't. So I have at least perceived this as a bonding time with our second oldest son, and I think he can conquer, even though this is a life changing event physically. 

Sometimes, (like my husband's condition) we don't know the outcome and we don't understand why this is happening. It's frustrating and draining on ones stress. I just can't help but believe that what we're going through is meant for a reason, our pain and suffering will be understood later and hopefully our children can understand this too. It has to be.....because what else is the other side of illness? Other then a lesson?  

HELLO!

August 3, 2016! 

I left my blog open just in case I changed my mind. With some time off I am reconsidering however I would like to know your input. Would you like to hear from me? 

"We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us" - Joseph Campbell

Good Bye

I've been thinking a lot lately. Have you ever felt bitter sweet about your decisions? Neither decision is right or wrong? But somehow you knew you were making the right choice even though it put a knot in your throat? Yeah, that's me. Life is meant to challenge us, life also isn't meant to do the same thing over and over again. We need to evolve. Our path lead is just one branch on the tree. I've been struggling with this decision for awhile and while still not 100% decided, I am writing to say, "Good bye" to blogging. We have had a rough year. I wanted to keep writing and focus on recipes but I can't. I am always trying to keep positive. I'm always advocating for others and for everything that my heart and soul believes in. Family. Experiencing. Unconditional love and acceptance for differences. I'm very much that same person. However our life has changed. We take one day at a time, every day is different and unfortunately difficult. I'm emotionally walking on a tight rope and my mind has many mixed feelings. I've always believed in writing from my heart. The truth. I always have written what's on my mind and it's not posting my blog with recipes. I love cooking, I love sharing but if I can't sit down with a clear mind and write like how I used too, I can't continue. My readers that have been following and know me personally know that I'm as real as one can get. Some of you might be thinking not writing on my blog isn't a big deal however it's been years of my life and time. A journey that I loved to just sit down with you and share. So for me, for this decision, it is a big deal for me and I'm sorry. 

To conclude this branch, I'm finding it really hard having a sick husband. I'm always on guard for what tomorrow might bring. Now adding a few other health challenges to our family I feel numb most of the time. That's truth. So it's time to eliminate a few tasks that I keep, and one is my blog. I will write that this doesn't end my writing path because I have plans for a future book and I won't delete my blog but keep it open. You never know when my mind might wander back. 

All I can say (write) is be real. Whatever branch you're on right now, live, love, and experience it because you will never know when it might break, or when you will have to make decisions to climb onto another one. Nothing is a guarantee that's for sure. So as much as I would love to keep writing, I wish all of you health, then happiness. AND I can't express enough to make miles in your life! If you have a dollar to spare, give it away. Make a difference. It starts at home.....and it's amazing on how one dandelion can spread to make a field of brighter colours - me.

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Thank you so much for your dedication and support all these years........be safe and just love.

We just exist

Our weekend was good. It's nice that we can talk without hiding in the closet or stating we will talk later however later never happens because by then we forget. It was nice to just exist without cleaning up after somebody. We were able to get tickets to the ZZ Top concert. A couple couldn't go due to their child's illness which opened up an opportunity for us. Believe it or not, we have never attended a concert together. ZZ Top sounded exactly the same. Very talented musicians. We went out for dinner (as seen above) and just simply existed.  It's interesting looking back at a picture. We look happy and healthy. Honestly.....you never ever judge a book by its cover. ZZ Top was great to see however Gerald was struggling sitting, struggling standing and not only was he struggling physically, whatever is going on in his brain, he is on and off dizzy. Every day can be different. So while I (maybe we) were looking forward to getting away, that's all it was....just existing. His chronic pain is 24/7. The spinal damage he has affects all four of his limbs, and whatever is going on Neurologically, it's not only frustrating and exhausting for him, it is for me. So it's difficult. It's aged him probably forty years. Then there's me. 2015 was traumatizing. I knew my husband's recovery was going to be very long and difficult. I just never thought that it would change our lives like it has. I feel so sorry for him. He wonders sometimes on why I'm staring at him and I can't tell him that I'm deeply sorry for his pain and suffering because he also doesn't want to be seen this way. I waited and waited almost selfishly for this weekend to come. I wasn't sure what I was thinking......because his condition has changed our lives. A weekend away isn't no miracle cure. His life is a continual struggle not witnessed in any picture. No time away is going to change what is. Our stress. The tension on what's next. Our future. That question, "What does tomorrow look like?" We just remain hopeful and take one day at a time. Trying to remain positive. I hear many saying, "Keep positive, we made it this far" You're right, we made it this far but with a cost. So for now, we just exist......doing what we can do as each day comes with two thumbs up. 

Now lets get back to food! We had to cancel some outdoor field trips with our home schooling group due to weather. Seen below some of our kiddos made their own recipes using the dough I make. The dough is really easy to prepare. Then from there, you can literally make anything including bread, pizza, any food pocket you want, buns, cinnamon buns.....the sky is the limit with this yummy bread dough!

The dough is three cups of warm water. Two table spoons of margarine. Two table spoons of sugar. One table spoon of salt. Two table spoons of quick rising yeast. Two eggs. Seven to eight cups of flour. Mix and knead all together until smooth and snapping. Only add the eighth cup of flour if the dough is still too sticky. Let stand to rise for one hour. 

Our kiddos had a blast!

Koltyr and Zachary's Bun Shop!

 Emily's Buns!

 Byhonis Pie Crusts!

 Jenna's Zebra's Buns!

 Teesha's Apple Castle!

Food, in the end, in our own tradition, is something holy. It's not about nutrients and calories. It's about sharing. It's about honesty. It's about identity. - Louise Fresco